Someone to Save Me
by BlanchedVixen
Summary: Bella is a simple small town girl, contemplating her life with Jacob. Edward left the city to get away from a constant reminder of his tragedy. Could they find comfort in each other to move on? AU,AH,ExB,JxA,EPOV & BPOV
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Those eyes stared directly into mine. I saw nothing but deep green irises, widening with intensity. His stride toward me was a blur, but it was smooth and graceful like the movement of long brushstrokes. I didn't take notice any facial features, hair, clothes or the rest of his body. His eyes were like a magnetic pull, unwavering. Warm.

The intensity felt knowing, bare and honest and it was materializing in this interaction with this...stranger.

The moment was quick, but I gathered that entire short phenomenon into something non-empirical. It was surreal, like the world slid into slow motion and stood still for those seconds as our eyes met and then returned to its free form.

He turned his head and continued on the same sidewalk and passed me.

And I continued on and wondered. _Did I just get all hot and flustered because of his gaze? _That was odd. I didn't even recall his physique. Usually when I notice a handsome looking guy down the street, I inwardly smile and blush a little, because the guy was physically attractive. Natural instinctive reflex. Whether the guy was in a business suit or jogging suit, it was always a passive moment. The guy would be gone in a second and I was indifferent. But _this_ was different. The encounter did not pass by me; it felt like it passed through me. The warm heat came from inside my chest and up to my cheeks. Then as I exhaled, the warm was gone with my breath into the thin air. It was something I did not see coming, let alone feel it coming. _I didn't even see his face. How did I feel his eyes?_

I wanted to turn around just to see his figure even if it was from the backside and knowing I wouldn't see his face. Seconds passed, and I had enough curiosity to stop and peek over my shoulder. He was gone. He had turned the corner around the block. I flinched and faced forward again.

I chuckled at myself of how I had reacted so differently to this man than all of the others and I had barely gotten a good look at him. How did I get like that over a stranger? My normal after-effect should have been some mix of absurdity and guilty pleasure. Instead, something else came like a tidal wave from the top of my head down to all my extremities. I suddenly became perturbed. I felt sad.

I found myself still in place, just standing there with a blank expression. And wondered where all this angst in my chest was coming from. I was just fine a minute ago, right before the eye-to-eye contact. And now I was saddened in a strange position unprepared for whatever would come next.


	2. Chapter 1 REM Sleep

**This is my first fan fic. It's going to be Bella/Edward/Jacob, but not a love triangle. They are all human. Romantic, some fluff as I mentioned before, and some angst. Much thanks to my beta readers: freakyhazeleyes and Cuteblndegoddess for their time and support. I don't own any characters from Twilight. Edward's story to follow next. Enjoy!**

**Chapter. 1 REM Sleep**

I placed the mug down on the table and stared at it with all my blank emotions. Lifeless. Neither half empty or half full. It was just empty. My fingers, still around the mug, lightly drummed the sides through the handle. Then a random thought crept through. _How is icy cold water so refreshing, even from this ceramic mug? _And my thoughts suddenly were of celebrities sipping their fill from those branded mugs of late night talk shows. Some sipped, some didn't. This is a lazy moment. I had no real endeavors or psyche of momentum brewing anywhere in or around me. I was just refreshed, yet lifeless, sitting at the kitchen table with my random meaningless thoughts.

It wasn't about relaxation or some kind of self-therapy time for oneself. I never really grasped the idea of exuberant well being, daily exercise or whole grain nutrition. I lived neither vicariously to be in any high risk danger or dully enough to relate to vegetative state. I think I am on cruise control for the most part. But I sat there with no emotions. No hype or excitement to look forward to anything; it was almost a delightful depression. An oxymoron – no. More like a state of being no one really cares to express, but rather settle to wallow in for a bit. Like stopping to smell the roses, but getting weeds instead. You may stop anyway, because you just need the rest. A rest stop.

I had a dream the night before. It was a vivid one to my senses with all the sights, sounds, touch, feel and warmth. Yes, something felt really warm to me it was intimate. Not the body heat of my fiancé sleeping next to me, but it was a warm fuzzy feeling that was more than just giddy and innocent. It was whole-hearted, like nothing felt missing. It felt whole. I don't remember where it was coming from, but there were lights that were bright and fluorescent like a spotlight in the night darkness. Sounds of people's voices I knew, but could not name any, or recognize any words said. It was just a buzz. And I felt arms around me, warm with security and knowingly familiar. But my dream also lacked visual clarity. I knew those strong arms, but there was no face. I didn't say a word. I lifted my head up and with my eyes closed, I welcomed more warmth. I felt my lips on the lips of this person with strong longing arms around me.

And it disappeared. The last specks of memory of my dream, because recalling bits and pieces of a dream was all I could have too briefly. I never wrote them down after waking up or tried telling it aloud to someone. Other remnants are just feelings of it and the inability to describe it was frustrating. If I ever tried to explain the fleeting moment of witnessing a shooting star, I couldn't say it in words. Just something of a beautiful wonderment that fades away quickly into the night sky that one would have to see with their eyes to know.

So I sat there, with my empty mug, and my empty thoughts again. Because I couldn't remember my dream anymore. Delightful for the rest. Depressed because I couldn't reminisce on something that had made me feel warm in my sleep. My REM sleep.

"What if I leave early?" a voice interrupted the silence.

I shook my head back into reality and looked up to see my fiancé, Jacob, fixing his tie and staring at me for an answer. I felt a short tingle in the palms of my hands. Embarrassment flashed through my body for a second. I don't know why but it did.

I quickly poked around my head to retrieve any information from my short term memory bank to answer his non-hintful question. _Leave early for what? _I figure the question was more like a compromise on his part make an appearance somewhere.

His brown eyes greeted me lovingly with a good morning smile.

"Umm. From where?" I needed to jog my brain awake.

"Bella. From my meeting, remember?" Jacob twitched one eyebrow upward, while he smoothed his tie down. "I know you're upset because I said I couldn't make it at first, but this is important to you and I want to be there. So I'm going to be there. Even if I have to leave early."

He walked over to me and was now giving me this hopeful look. Like he was really trying to smooth over something that he had wrinkled between us.

"Oh. Ok." I suddenly regained memory of our conversation from two nights ago.

"Ok then. You forgive me?" He said more like a statement than asking.

I sighed with a small smile. "Yes."

"Perfect - I'll see you later." He pecked my forehead and then turned to leave out the garage door. I heard his car start up and then I heard him shout out, "Have a good day at work!"

I was having my first art showing at the local gallery the coming weekend. I had accumulated half a dozen paintings I thought were good enough to showcase. And with a friend's help, I had the opportunity and the courage to finally put my work out there for the public to see. I was ready for real criticism or praise. Although my family and close friends hovered over generic responses, I always appreciated them. Jacob did the same, but with some occasional excess in praise that sometimes peeved me. As a hobby, I passionately paint. I love how I can release all my inhibitions with every stroke of my brush. I create my colors to mimic the way I feel for all things happy or appeasing. Right out of my hands and into the canvas. Landscapes are my favorite. My attempt to recreate nature in my paintings felt so true and endless. I try my best to capture it in all its glory; living, breathing and dying. With this showing, I was feeling extroverted enough to even edge the idea of calling myself a freelance artist.

I was expecting Jacob to be there. He is after all my fiancé. So when he said he was conflicted with work, my heart sank just a bit. It was always a downer when his work slid up the scale of priorities. Quite frequently lately. His occupation, business development, came with ramifications for trials and tribulations that continuously impeded on our relationship. He was always in and out of meetings at various hours of the day with that cell phone always attached to his hip.

We dated since college, so I never worried about him straying or cheating on me. He just did boyfriendly things and not questionable things that earned him to be trustworthy. We were both intrigued with the attributes of one another that we, individually, did not possess. In other words, we were the product of opposites attract. We went through college with different studies. He was a business major and I was a psychology major. I declared my major in my junior year just to finish school. Oddly enough, I didn't feel any inferior amongst fellow students who were more ambitious than I was, striving for their PhDs. I figure anyone who enjoyed the study of human behavior would just be open minded enough to befriend me, or secretly analyze me like statistical data. I did not go beyond my bachelor's degree and Jacob didn't feel the need to pursue an MBA. He was neurotically career-driven and had already accepted a prestigious job with a private firm before we even graduated. I could categorize him as a Type A kind of person, but I would not go as far for any psychoanalysis or personality inventory reading. I never really cared for fraternity parties or city nightlife, although Jacob did drag me to one of each. I had my fill for college life and he didn't push it any more thereafter. He was already enough for me.

And when he proposed to me a month ago, we felt it was right and it was the next thing to do. He loves his job and he also loves me. I knew when I accepted, I had to also accept the kind of life with him that would include his work. I just didn't know if I was truly prepared for it. I said yes, and hoped that we would just deal and adapt as our lives would become verged together as husband and wife.

So when Jacob abruptly paused after his congratulations to me, my euphoria turned down a couple of notches. He has a very important meeting that could not be rescheduled. Adaptation is a bitch. I waved off his excuses and showcased my frown. We went to bed that night and the next night without spooning each other to sleep.

I was beyond feeling like I had won a prize or something with his attempt to redeem himself to attend my art show now. I don't know what happened in the last two days to have him adjust his plans, but I'm just going to be glad now that he's going to be there for me, even though the full effect of my euphoria did not return.

I drove to work and took my place to begin my mundane day. I work as an insurance claims adjuster. Sure, the job wasn't exciting at all, but it is work that is currently paying my bills and sustaining my fruitful hobby. I sat at my desk and turned my computer on. I allowed the brief quiet hum to soothe me in as I closed my eyes and thought about the dream I knew I had last night, but could no longer recall what it was about. A knock on the side my cubicle wall dragged me from trying to remember.

"Hey Beeellls." a sweet chime of a girl's voice shook me back to reality.

"Hey, wassup Alice." I turned to her, gave her a smile and logged in my password.

"Are you excited or nervous?" She chimed again at me with her eyebrows raised.

She had on the trendiest outfit and most done hairdo out of every gal in the office. The entire ensemble would have taken me hours in an effort to mimic. And to no avail, I would still come up short and probably last place in a competition. But Alice took her fashion genes with humble strides and walked about her day returning compliments to any that she received.

"Both." I admitted. "And Jacob told me this morning that he's going to make it now."

'Oh - great!" Alice took her hands in one clap with a surprised expression. "Absolutely no more sulking then, Bella." She snorted and took both hands to her hips. "You don't hide it very well. Something this great happens for you and you can't let anything take a stab at it. Well, doesn't matter anymore, your man is going to be there now."

Alice knew how I felt about Jacob's work and our relationship strains from it. She always told me her blatant and honest opinions. I always took them without any reservations, because I knew Alice never judged me. And I totally appreciate that special bond between us. We were almost reciprocal in personality, but equally respectful of one another.

I sighed at her remarks. "Yah, I know. I'm good, no worries." I assured her.

Alice suddenly gleamed with a bright smile as she changed the subject. "Well, it's Friday. You have an outfit? We can go shopping after work if you want." She looked imploringly at me with both her hands up in hopeful fists planted on her hips.

"I'll think about it, Alice, but don't get your hopes up." I gave her a half-smile. She is such a mall rat. I'm good with a one-stop shop, but Alice drafts itineraries, necessitating it to hit up essentially every store in methodical order. She somehow must have been chipped at birth to know when and where all the good sales are.

She rolled her eyes and waved me a good bye.

The rest of the day went as predictable as any other day. Alice would drop by once in a while to suggest various outfits for me to wear at my art show. I entertained the thought of letting her go all out on me for a full makeover. But then I didn't want my first impression to my viewers to come off as Alice's twin sister. Not that I don't like her style, I just don't think it suits me. I had to portray myself as I am. Like most pets tend to look like their masters, it was probably best to just dress as I usually do, standing like the master I am next to my art work. Oh, fingers crossed, I pray this little poof of confidence to make an appearance tomorrow.

I made dinner at home alone later that night. It was ready made salad and marinade baked chicken leftovers. I played Debussy on the CD player, piano renditions, and enveloped myself in his enchanting melodies. Jacob was going to be home soon, so I left him an ample plate. I washed my dishes and went into my art studio. It was really a small den littered with newspaper on the floor, paints and paintbrushes in disarray on a work desk, and a pile of paintings in every corner. My easel stood in the middle of the room, like a still life form, willing to come alive whenever I touch it. My little sanctuary. I carefully set aside the paintings I had already chosen for my art show.

I was about to get ready for bed, when Jacob arrived home. Jacob rambled on about uninteresting fiascos at work. Getting this client, losing that client. I was only a few chapters into my mystery novel, when I felt bored enough to prepare for sleep. He took his side of the bed right beside me and snuggled comfortably in his pillow. After this morning's quick resolve, Jacob and I returned to our nightly ritual spooning in bed.

"Hope your day wasn't as hectic as mine." He whispered into my ear.

"Not the slightest bit." I added sarcastically, "It was so excruciatingly predictable." I winced at actually saying that aloud. He chuckled lightly and then kissed my hair.

"You paint today?" he stroked my hair over my ear.

"No." I lightly shook my head against his chest. "I went over the pieces I'm bringing to the show tomorrow."

"You'll be fine." His speech slurred now. "You'll be fine." He yawned.

"Hmm." I closed my eyes, wanting to believe him.

"Night, Hon." He signed off and that was the end of his battery life for the day. The alarm on the nightstand was set to wake him up at precisely six o'clock in the morning after a good seven-hour recharge.

I envy how he slips into deep sleep with ease. I actually loathe it. I have a horrible lag time from the moment I hit the bed sheets to finally getting my sleep. I'll try over the counter sleep aids once in a blue moon, but I would never resort to heavy duty prescriptions. I just could not go there. Feeling Jacob's light consistent breathing on my neck told me he was already asleep. I had gotten into the bed before him and I was still awake. This twang of disappointment was a struggle to shake off some nights. I soothed him to sleep, although it didn't take much, but he unknowingly couldn't do the same for me. I would be in some half-hearted guilt trip if I interrupted his sleeping just because I couldn't have mine.

And so tonight was going to be one of those nights. The darkness was not comforting and the silence was almost unbearable. I forced my eyes shut and tried to relax. I stretched out all my limbs and took a deep, deep breath. I let it out slowly, hoping it would remedy my stiff nerves. And I laid there. Waiting for any dream to come along.

**A/N: cool song, biting lyrics, spikey beats - "Empty" by Metric. **


	3. Chapter 2 Edward's Story

**A/N: I was listening to One Republic's "All Fall Down" while writing this one. I love the strings along with the lyrics, so sad, but beautiful. This chapter introduces Edward as a young adult, dealing with life's ups/down, loss, and heartbreak.**

**Chapter 2 – Edward's Story (EPOV) **

It's been 8 months, 3 weeks, a couple of days and 24 years. The days when I took note on the length of time were the days that mercilessly felt the longest. The shadow that followed me wouldn't leave as I sadly let it reflect how I felt on the inside.

She wouldn't want me to be like this. She would smile, and be free from the effects of any atrocities in the given world. She would skip happily next to me, spinning around in twirls and then ask me to pick her up so she could rest her little head on my shoulders. She was innocent. And she was mine.

She had my green eyes and her mother's lively personality. Her soft golden curls would swing around her cherubic face as she made all kinds of facial expressions to make me laugh. She loved leaning in her nose into my nose. It amused her very much and she would giggle so vivaciously there were cute tiny hiccups in between. It was the sound that I loved the most. A sound that would ring in my head from time to time.

My love. Who I should have known a little longer. She existed for me to protect her. But I couldn't protect her from everything.

I met her mother when I was only seventeen. We had a wild senior year and had no plans for college. And I was a good kid with good grades. I could have gone to almost any college with my parents' hope and dreams granted. But I rebelled and chose a different path.

We were each other's favorite natural high. Hooked and addicted to life and reckless adventures. She was there when I had my first beer. She showed me how to skateboard and we hit up nearly every neighborhood skate park. She was just sporty and fearless like that. She was the one to introduce me to Grunion Running off our home California coast, a unique midnight fiasco of fishing for millions of five inch long fish using only our bare hands. The full moon had illuminated the ocean like a million sapphires and the millions of silver fish like a massive spill of sequins. And that night, we declared our love for each other right there under the pier. It was a night how I'd like to remember her. She was free spirited, full of life and took her own rules before anyone else's.

Every scrape and every bruise, every laugh, every flutter of my young heart was a tangible reminder of my living being. I will always love her for that part of my life I could never regret.

We took jobs that were odds and ends for the following two years, trying to keep afloat in our tiny apartment we had together only miles away from the beach we loved so much. And it was worth it, because I was on my own and I was with her.

We became unexpectedly pregnant at twenty years old. We were nowhere ready for marriage let alone having a child together. Our parents were oddly affectionate at our inapt situation. And still terrified of the notion of becoming parents ourselves, having family welcoming their open arms to us was such an overwhelming gesture, we took it gratefully. After the baby shower, there were barbeques, bonfires on the beach, and random gatherings with family and friends. Although we weren't married, it was as if we started to trickle back into the normality of suburbia.

And then my baby was born. My little girl. I named her Nessa, after my grandmother Nellwyn Vanessa Cullen. And I loved her right that second we met and my whole world surrounded her. I took up a second job part time and went to night classes at the community college. Her existence had provided me the surge of motivation to pursue a better life for her. Long hours of the day and night took away time from actually being with my daughter, but I told myself it was a sacrifice I had to make to better our future. Every night I would go to her crib, gently brush her cheek and whispered to her how much I loved her. She was so real to me and I needed to touch her to know that she was safe and cared for. Her peaceful breaths from her little body assured me she was alright, and I went to bed with more purpose for the next morning.

Nessa was only a year old when her mother left me. She grew tired and restless, and by her own innate self-seeking nature, she could not wait for me. Despite my efforts and determination to keep us under one roof, she could not stand by any longer for any end-product of my labor. After months of sleepless arguments and our young love dissipating to nil, she packed up and moved to Chicago to live with her sister. She took Nessa. She took it all away.

I was lost.

And I was given all this pain. Nobody told me what to say or what to do. I was on my own. But I couldn't take Nessa away from her mother. I convinced myself it was for better than for worse. There were thousands of miles in between us, but it didn't feel that far. I still thought about her at night. Wondered where she was during the day and how she was growing up. I hated that I missed all of that. But I hoped that one day, when she grew older, we'd have the kind of father-daughter relationship we'd both be happy with.

I was only allowed to visit at her mother's discretion when we became cordial enough to communicate. She recognized me as her father, but it pained me to wonder if she loved me back. Her hugs and smiles were a gift for everyone.

I flew out there the last time on her third birthday.

I picked her up and held her in close to me. "Nessa, Happy Birthday, sweetheart," I said to her before I left. "Daddy loves you very much. And I will see you again soon."

I held her there in my arms as she gave me the sweetest smile and a tiny nod. She slowly leaned in to touch my nose with her nose and giggled. I pulled her back to kiss her gently on her forehead. Our goodbyes were always bittersweet.

She waved to me from her mother's arms. "Bye Bye, Daddy."

And it was the last time that I ever saw her. If losing her the first time was a reality I was beginning to live with, I was at no mercy to relive it again. But I became a twenty-four year old mourning father. I had lived my whole life as it came to this tragedy. Losing a child to an unforgivable car accident was something I was not prepared for. A drunk driver taking away an innocent life was something I couldn't fathom for the fate of my only child. What I was preparing for was to give her a life that she deserved from me. To give her some kind of legacy she could look back on and be proud of what I did, even if I wasn't right there beside her. I had worked hard saving money for the day she would graduate high school and attend college. Any college. And I would keep at it for the day she would get married. I used these dreams to get me through most of my days. But the day she died, my dreams died with her.

I cried a lot during the first month. Sleeping was not an essential need I waited for. Most nights I was left with empty thoughts and I feared it. Because I knew memories of her would fill in and weeping was all I could physically do until my body weakened enough to fall into unconsciousness. I ate less on my own and forcefully around my family or friends to keep up a sane appearance.

When Nessa's mother was released from the hospital, I moved into her sister's house to help her recover. We had also needed each other's emotional support. Our differences were pushed aside as we grieved relentlessly for the one love we both shared. I left before we could taint our brief union with any animosity. We parted on good terms, because our daughter's life would to be in vain if we didn't. And so my first two loves were virtually severed from my life.

I forced myself back into routine with half-life energy when I returned home. I had three months left of my bachelor's degree program in communications. I finished it by the end of summer and didn't bother with the commencement ceremony.

Everyone began to sound the same. And I quietly grew unreceptive to all their insistent sympathies. All the condolences that I hung on to for dear life in the beginning were now washed away. I shamefully blurred all their faces and it didn't matter who had comforted me then and later. My chest ached at any eyes that bore into my presence, telling me nothing more than I adamantly saw. Blank stares, pitiful glances, and sorrow so deep at times I believed it was my own reflection.

"_Edward, she's gone. But she's a beautiful angel now. You'll see her again someday. "My_ mother told me one day. She embraced me with all her unconditional love and I was too numb to return the affection. She still looked at me like I was the son she's always known.

"_I can't be here anymore." _I told her. _"I'm falling apart. And I'm so – tired." _

My mother's face became clear to me. She looked at me straight into my eyes with a new emotion. Hope. Hoping that maybe I was ready for healing. "_Edward, if you need to take time away, then that's what you go ahead and do."_

It disturbed me momentarily because it wasn't the reaction I expected, but I saw she understood that my pain would go nowhere if I stayed where I was. A sad reminder of my life that had once been.

With my mother's blessings, it was then that I decided to move away to a new place. A place where people didn't know me, didn't know my past, and didn't know my tragedy. I wanted a small town away from the coast. Away from the beaches I loved and cherished. And it would be just as foreign to me like the start of a new life. I had a lot of money in my saving account that was meant for Nessa's future. Now, it will be the foundation for my own.

I picked a quiet town off the foothills of the Sierra Nevada. It was only a four hour drive to the closest coastline, but far enough to let me explore a different kind of scenery. Located on the outskirts of the national park, the panorama view was miles and miles of pine trees and mountain ranges. I had chosen the perfect place, a complete opposite of what I've known.

I had found a quaint two-bedroom cottage to rent on a month-to-month basis, situated within a few miles from the town center. Which was not far at all by car, but a good twenty minutes on foot. An acre in one direction or the other brought me to a neighbor's yard or a narrow road to the corner market. The cottage was no city apartment, with its weathered wooden beams and full length porch. The white picket fence lining the bare yard was a sight. I mused at actually giving it a fresh coat of paint, and promised myself to ask the landlord one day if I could do so.

The owner, Ms. Masen, a nice retired teacher, was currently living with her son to help care for her grandchildren. So the cottage was fully furnished with the likes of a grandmother's time capsule. The hallway was filled with pictures lined up in timeline order of her and family. Crocheted everything and blankets draped over a beautiful Victorian style sofa and all tables. Ms. Masen's bedroom was clearly left alone, and I opted for the guestroom on the opposite end of the hall. It was definitely outside any living arrangements I ever had, but it was oddly comforting. I imagined this is what Grandma Nesslyn's house would have been like.

For the first few weeks, I busied myself by purposely getting lost so I could learn all the streets. It was a tedious task and I felt like a wandering fool as I attempted to do it without a map. As I got to know more of the streets by name, I started using the bus and occasionally rode my bike. I explored the local stores, went grocery shopping and on some days, I'd go to the library and just read for hours. It didn't take long when I finally went to the local furniture store, bought a wooden rocking chair for the porch, and did my reading there instead.

Convincing my landlord about the white picket fence was easy. We agreed to the short term agreement as she was in no hurry to move back and I was not definite with my length of stay. When she offered to pay for the materials, I declined and justified it as gesture of gratitude for our mutual understanding, and she didn't mention it any more.

It wasn't a priority for me to seek out making friends while I was living in this town. The only person I had any real conversations with was a guy named Jasper who worked at the hardware store. He was a chill laid-back kind of guy who didn't react pompously when I told him I wasn't from around here. He lived in this town his whole life and with each visit would tell me in his a mile-a minute speech of some new reference or fact about the region. I let him as it amused me that I was getting a twofer; a tour guide and the acquaintance of a local resident. His knowledge for handiwork was vast and very informative. I was always intrigued at all the various tools he showed me as he described each one's specific function. It made me want to buy every piece of equipment there and just go at it with a full on home improvement project on a house I did not own. A few times he asked me to join him and his co-workers to happy hour at the local brewery, but I always gave him the excuse of having to work on painting the fence before dark.

"Duuuuude," Jasper wailed with his eyes rolled back. "Can't you rest your old-man-in-the-cottage ass for a day and act like normal mid-twenty something year old youngin' for tonight?"

"Jasper, I haven't gone drinking or even had a beer just for myself in a very long time," I explained ruly.

His face suddenly became ashamed.

"Oh, is it a religious abstinence thing?" Jasper asked earnestly. "Because it's cool if you wanna just hang out without drinking. We don't have to –"

"No no no," I interrupted him before he went any further. "It's not that, it's just been a long time that's all. I've had my share of beer binging before."

"Oh, ok then," Jasper perked up. "So what's the dealio? Wanna break that dry spell tonight? Don't worry man…we're not going to get you plastered. Let's just go hang."

He pumped his fists forward in enthusiasm. "Like, somewhere other than my work place."

I laughed out loud. "Alright," I agreed.

"Alriiight," he cheered. "I'm going to pick you up after my shift in like an hour and a half. You live off Evergreen Way toward the south end, right?"

I was happy to answer that one right away. "Yup."

I wasn't sure if I had to change my clothes. When I went out to a nightclub back in California, there was always a dress code to follow. It was always strictly enforce for mainly two reasons, to heed gang related tension and to draw in annoying, pretentious crowds with deep pockets. I knew I was hardly in any danger of a drive-by shooting or being left with a twenty dollar tab for one vodka and tonic with lime. And I inwardly smiled at the thought of being nowhere near that kind of charade.

I never saw Jasper outside of work, so I didn't have a clue on how to dress for nighttime town attire. But he was a pretty clean-cut looking fellow, usually had on jeans and a collared plaid shirt underneath his work apron. Sharp, but casual. I caught myself in the mirror with my black polo shirt and khaki pants on me. I swiftly pulled open the dresser drawer and took out a long sleeve graphic tee and my dark jeans. I quickly tossed my earlier outfit on the floor for my now more casual one.

_I can do this. Chill. Kick-back. _

I put on my dark tennis shoes and waited for Jasper on my rocking chair, rocking back and forth, staring aimlessly into the darkened woods from the porch.

Jasper soon pulled up in his Ford Explorer alongside the fence. He rolled down his window and let out a booming laugh.

"Aww - what a pretty picture!" He mocked at me. "Get in, man!"

I shook my head in amusement and climbed into his backseat.

"Edward, this is Emmett. Emmett this is Edward." Jasper quickly introduced his friend while keeping his eyes on the road. "My old buddy from high school," He motioned a hand toward Emmett, and then he motioned to me. "My new buddy from the city."

"Sup, man." Emmett gave me a polite nod. "Which city?"

"Oh uh, LA." It was always my general response. The city's mass vicinity encompasses nearly all of southern California anyway. I avoided going into any details.

"Alright, cool." Emmett responded with another friendly nod.

"So, we're hitting up the brewery off Main," Jasper chimed in. "Don't want to go to the old –err- new packing building tonight." He continued with side of irritation. "Week nights bring out all the political hippies and their vendettas. And I'm not about to run into my old econ professor. Not again…the guy would not quit!"

I chuckled. Must be a small town phenomenon. To love, live, eat, pray, and drink all together within this mile by mile block radius.

"Couldn't even get pass my second beer," he mumbled.

We parked on the curb right in front of the place. Jasper slipped in a handful of quarters into the parking meter and we walked right into the brewery. It took all but twenty seconds. No parking structure, no valet, and especially no bouncer. Amazing.

"So what's on tap here?" I asked curiously.

"Microbrews," Jasper answered proudly, as we slid into a vacant booth. "A round of my favorite autumn ale?"

"Sure," I happily agreed. No ostentatious cocktails tonight.

We chit chatted pointlessly about the various beers brewed locally and compared it by taste and texture, which one was better than the other. I was then aware of both Jasper and Emmett's outfits; casual boots, jeans, and nicely pressed collared shirts. I was surprised to not have taken notice earlier, but I figured it was because of my quick wardrobe change, I didn't feel out of place. Discussions of beer turned into cars, then trucks, and before long, we were talking about girls.

"Jasper's got a major case of love jones for our friend, Alice," Emmett declared teasingly. "Too bad she hasn't caught the same illness."

Jasper rolled his eyes, and then turned to me with a dewy expression. "When I see her, the heavens open up and I hear singing."

Emmett snickered, but I held in my laughter and just smiled at Jasper. I could tell he was speaking some kind of truth.

Jasper continued. "I just get this feeling, like I'm dizzy in my head, and then my toes cramp."

"It's you being a nervous wreck because you don't have the guts to ask her out properly." Emmett added. He looked my way and grinned. "Nervous wreck."

"You haven't asked out this young lady?" I asked Jasper.

"Nope." He responded with a heavy sigh. "Rejection, my friend, is no happy place. Especially if Alice sends me there."

"So you're already friends…but she doesn't know you like her more than that?" I questioned.

With his eyes squinted, he took a slow sip of his beer before answering. "I don't think she does."

Emmett abruptly slammed his beer mug down. "Well either she does or doesn't, you're going to ask her out this Saturday."

Jasper looked up with eyes like a deer caught in headlights. "Should I really?"

We all took stunned contemplative glances at each other. And then I firmly agreed with Emmett. "Yes."

Jasper suddenly grew confidence and held his mug up in the air. "Yes!"

"Yeah, man!" Emmett roared and held up his mug in the same stance.

They both turned to my direction, with a slight twitch in their expression urging me to follow suit. I grasped my own mug and held it up to clink it together with theirs in our barbaric cheer. We took a large gulp and let out a satisfying exhale.

It was a rush of male bonding in that brief moment I knew I was lacking. They didn't take my company with caution or soft demeanor. There were no sad eyes or sympathetic glares. They treated me like any other friend they had in town. Although I was not ready to disclose any deep narratives of my past, I would wait and see how far I was going with this simple life away from my troubles. I decided to go forth with my new found friendship. Where ever it takes me, I hope it took me somewhere outside my misery.

I suddenly remembered my mother's face, clear as day. It was the look that brought me here to start anew. I smiled and wondered if my expression was reflecting hers. A reflection of hope.


	4. Chapter 3 Visual Therapy

**Ch. 3 Visual Therapy**

I love painting grass. To me, it is the epitome of earthy freshness and it reflects my favorite color in the boldest shade. And there's something about haphazardly curved strokes originating from the same baseline, reaching upward, and swaying in unison that appear so harmonious. Blades of green grass rooted thick from the brown earth, springing up and crossing paths with neighboring blades or swaying away from another. I often think of it metaphorically to life's interactions. I stand next to you, you stand next to me and we're from the same earth. I'm just going to grow this way, while you grow that way. And we may meet again someday.

I held up my favorite painting. A common scene many times depicted in art, but mine is one that I love most. A marrying of ocean, sand and grass, lightened by the sunset sky; a wave of foamy blue hues, speckled grainy beige, a sea of long green blades of grass and a soft orange sunset glowing straight in the middle of it.

Jacob had already left for downtown after our quick lunch together at home. He wished me good luck and I didn't waver when he didn't mention that he would see me later.

I decided to wear my sleeveless, royal blue chiffon blouse with my tan tweed skirt and I paired it with my everyday black buckled boots. I wasn't going to go all out frilly. I even let my hair down.

It was starting to feel like my first piano recital when I was seven years old. Gut wrenching nervousness on wrinkle control cycle all in my stomach. I remember the feeling well because it was also my first solo performance before an audience. Playing for my family or my piano teacher were pleasant times for me because I began and ended my piece with confidence and accepted all kinds of praise and constructive criticism for improvements. It never hurt my ego because I was taught how to play and I played it as well as I was taught. As a kid, trying all kinds of activities and sports was normality. I may have sucked at swimming and tennis, but I was damn good at my rendition of Franz Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2. I can crescendo that piece like a prodigy with my eyes closed. But I'm a grown woman now. There's no way I'm going to giggle my pitfalls out of this one.

I was not educated from a fancy art school. I only took one course of art history in college and that was it. So this was going to be me raw and almost ignorant to proper protocol. How far was I obligated to explain my work, I had no idea. I always went with the flow of my feelings and intuition while I painted. But after I finished, I usually kept it to myself. I began to feel afraid I was going to sound super dumb and out of my element – whatever that may be – if I couldn't describe in words my pieces in the best light they deserve. It might just come out all juvenile.

_Umm, yes…that one I painted because I was missing the beach a whole lot. The memory of it makes me pretty happy._

_And yes…that one, with all the green grass, something about becoming into one's own but coming from the same place… _

I groaned. I was absolutely brain fried. I gathered all of my carefully packaged paintings and placed them in the trunk of my car. I was ready to hit the saddle.

The drive to the art gallery was only ten minutes away from my apartment. It was a small studio inside an old packing building filled with new shops, boutiques and bistro cafes. The building, a historical site, was recently remodeled to expand the town center in an attempt to rejuvenate the community. The town, not nearly a metropolis of any sort, had not seen much development in more than a decade, so the contemporary makeover brought many of the local residents back into the streets.

I must admit, Alice's social connections are of a benefit to me this time without my grimaces. She had set up a meeting with the curator last week. The curator seemed pleased with the portfolio I had brought and told me I would be a good addition to the group of young artists she gathered together for a show the following weekend. At the time, knowing that I would be among my peers eased off some of the anxiety I was feeling.

I met Alice in the front of the building. She helped me carry my paintings inside to the art studio and took my careful instructions with setting them up for display. We mingled some and Alice took my wing side, as I introduced myself to the other artists.

The studio was only open for about an hour, when I nervously glanced at my cell phone.

"Bella, are you cool?" Alice asked me, as she was trying to read my expression.

"Yeah." I nodded.

She cocked her head to the side with an unconvinced look.

"Seriously," I pressed. I knew she wouldn't ask what she really wants to ask, but I still gave her a look that meant to keep that question at bay.

"'Kay, Imma get a drink. You want anything?" Alice waited for my response.

I shook my head no.

There was no voicemail or missed call from my cell phone. I was starting to feel an uninvited guest arriving…disappointment. Before letting it through the door, I distracted myself by walking around the studio, trying to enjoy the various compositions and visual elements that hung before me. Visual therapy. Visual passion. Visual beauty. Visual…

Someone was standing in front of my painting. The sight of it perked me up. He was looking so intently at it, I wanted to see what he was seeing. I wanted to be closer. I only saw him from the side, so I knew I had to walk across the floor. I figure I wouldn't be intruding, it's my stuff that's he's looking at, I could put in a word or two. He might even ask me some questions.

I took careful steps over to where he stood motionless.

I stopped right next to him and boldly claimed my work to my viewer, "This one's mine."

"This is nice." He gazed over my favorite painting slowly from corner to corner, and then turned his head to my direction.

I ignored whatever words just came out of his mouth because I immediately became fixated on his eyes. They were faceted hard emeralds with soft shadows around his eyelids and there were tiny whispers of lashes peaking at the corners. I was probably coming across almost rude, because his face dropped slightly and his eyes fell to the floor.

And without thinking I said to him, "Your eyes are beautiful." _What the hell did I just say?_

He shied a smile, still staring at the floor. "It's probably because of these art gallery fluorescents." He looked up at me with those unyielding green eyes. "But thanks for returning the compliment."

I bit my tongue, horrified at my failed brain filter and the creeping hotness blooming in my face. "Sorry - I mean you're welcome." I stammered. I motioned my hand to my painting and shrugged. "Green is one of my favorite colors."

"Ahhh." He nodded, catching the color reference; he returned to stare at my painting. "Beautiful."

I was suddenly glad that he was standing only a few feet in front of me, because I took that moment to shamelessly notate in my mind his entire physique. He stood there relaxed with his hands in his coat pockets. He had on dark denim jeans, black dress shoes, and the bright white collar of his shirt was peeking out of his charcoal grey pea coat. His mousey bronze hair was disheveled and seemed to only be tamed by the stroke of his hand combing through it. His skin was fair and looked creamy on his clean structured profile. I took notice of his left hand as he took it out of his pockets. Something I've never done before. No ring. I hesitated thinking he was reaching out to shake hands, but relieved when he just dropped them to his sides.

He looked my way again, smiled and nodded fair well before walking to the next art work.

I decided to stand there stationary pretending to assess my own painting, for as long as I thought he was far away enough with as much distance as possible in this tiny art studio. _I couldn't say anything more but that green is my favorite color?_ I literally wanted to bang my forehead against my own painting, chanting _'dumb dumb dumb'_. But I deviated myself to a less psychotic scene and let out a ridiculously, huge breath of air that had been held in for too long.

He was too gorgeous. And I basically just confessed that to him. How idiotic and silly of me to have just blurted something like that to a complete stranger. All I had to do was thank him and move on; I would have saved myself of this aftermath embarrassment.

A couple walked over to my painting and stood there for a moment. They both had on pretentious business attire and matching black rimmed eye glasses. They whispered something inaudible to each other while keeping their expression emotionless. They moved on without a glance in my direction.

I finally had the nerve to move myself and scan the room. I didn't catch any sight of him, so I walked to where the refreshments were. I needed something icy cold to drink. I poured myself a glass of white wine, not caring which one I took from the ice bucket. I let myself take a long sip as if the beverage was sparkling soda and not an alcoholic effervescent. I kept my hands on the cold glass and then moved one hand to my cheek. Still a little warm. _Where is Jacob?_

"I'm sorry, I don't know your name." a man's voice came from behind me. I immediately recognized it and slowly turned around. This time I carefully looked at anywhere on his face to avoid his eyes. It didn't help much because I still saw his mesmerizing smile.

"I know it's stupid because you're one of the artists, but…ah…I didn't take note of it from that…umm…greenish painting." He shook his head like he was confused with himself.

"Bella," I blurted out. "Bella Swan."

I gave into those emerald green eyes as he spoke. "Hello. I'm Edward Cullen."

"Hi." I drummed my wine glass with my fingers.

We stood there awkwardly for a few seconds and then I broke the silence. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yes. Yes, I am thank you." He nodded. Then he narrowed his eyes and looked downward away from my glance, and before I could provide a generic response, he looked straight into my eyes again. "Actually, I'm interested in purchasing one of your paintings. Are they for sale?"

"Mine?" I was dumbfounded. I abruptly lost access to my memory bank and tried to zoom back in retrieval to my first meeting with the curator and her instructions should I make a sale. "Yes. There's a process you'll have to follow through the gallery for the transaction." I answered calmly. "I can take you the sales manager."

"Great," He smiled and waited for my lead.

We strolled across the floor to towards the back wall. I then mused at his earlier description of the painting I assumed he was speaking of, "Greenish painting?"

He chuckled lightly. "I'm sorry about that. But in my defense, I must confess I'm quite fond of the color as well."

I smiled at his answer. "'_Sunset at the Beach'_. That's the name of the painting."

"Very fitting," He said slowly.

"So, what drew you to this particular one?" I asked curiously.

"I miss the beach," he answered solemnly. "I took it for granted where I used to live. The painting – your painting – sparks a happy memory for me."

The expression on my face must have looked awestruck, because he smiled again and it was so enchanting, it was disturbing.

"Me, too," I whispered back.

I introduced Edward to the sales manager to let them discuss their paperwork alone. At that point, I was willing to trust the gallery in processing the transaction of my first sale, then to be victim to another embarrassing moment in front of this Edward Cullen man. I was sure the chill of my wine glass helped to reduce only a few degrees off the warmth that was raiding throughout my body, and I probably still pretty damn blushed. And then the light touch of a warm hand was on my arm.

I took a quick 180 degree turn to face Edward once again without direct eye contact. He offered his hand out and I took it.

"It was nice to meet you, Bella," He said so gentlemanly.

"Me, too," I replied. _Me, too, again? _Ugh, so unintelligible.

I frantically looked for Alice, needing a familiar face to shake me out of my unnerving state.

But I ran into Jasper instead. He was undoubtedly sprung on Alice and he never missed any chance to grab her attention or simply be near to her. He didn't have the nerve to ask her out yet, and Alice never hinted to me how she felt about him other than just as a friend. The dark blue blazer he had on hung on his shoulders slightly too large and his fingers were barely peeking through the sleeves. It made him look more childlike than a full grown man. His dress shirt was untuck over his khakis and there were slight scuff marks on his white tennis shoes. Regardless of his somewhat immature appearance, he was still the sight of a man just hopelessly in love.

"You seen Alice?" He asked nervously. His wavy blond hair swished from side to side as he jerked his head to my right and left side of me searching for Alice.

"Not since when I first got here." I was relieved and content to be in the presence of Japer's erratic behavior. At least I wasn't the only one jumping out of their skin here.

"Really? I hope she's still around. I told her I'd stop by after I got off work." He finally took notice of me standing directly in front of him. "Oh, you look nice," he briefly smiled at me before going back to searching for Alice.

"Thanks, Jasper." I was going to return the compliment just to be cordial, but he interrupted.

"Different look for you, keep it up," he tapped his palm to my right arm. "I think I see her, laters." And he nearly sprinted in the direction behind me. I saw Jasper disappear behind a small crowd. Seeing the look on Alice's face when she saw him coming for her in that outfit of his would be priceless.

I was soaking in the moment I was in. Whatever mix of emotions was there, I didn't even want to try to describe. I was interrupted by my cell phone ring. It was Jacob.

"Hi, Hon, "I was already hearing the distress in Jacob's voice. "How is it going so far?"

"It's going good. There's a good crowd here and even some buyers possibly." I decided to leave out the details of my sale. Also, I knew what was coming, and so I saved him the trouble of having to tell me.

"Jacob, I'm actually pretty busy right now." I lied. "If you can't make it, it's okay, really. I'll see you at home tonight."

"Bells, I've got something that is so high noon news, it's going to blow your mind and I can't wait to tell you later," Jacob suddenly exclaimed, apparently not noticing I was letting him off the hook. "Life changing news!"

"Wha---wow." I stammered, caught off guard. "Okay then, tonight."

"Okay, I gotta go. I gotta wrap up this meeting. Love you." He ended the call right then, too excited to wait for a response from me.

"Love you." I said with false enthusiasm, flipping my cell phone closed.

My own excitement and enthusiasm for the night clicked down. A lot of notches.


	5. Chapter 4a Brown Eyes

**Edward recalls his first encounter with Bella and hopes to find out more about her through Jasper. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight names and characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 4 – Brown Eyes (EPOV) **

The ceiling above me was bare and off white, aged with the structure that held it up. It was soothing to just stare at it because my mind happily drifted. I had unlatched my window wide open to bring in the low rumbling sounds of the outside world. Constant rustling of pine leaves across the ground that was covered with more leaves and I could almost hear the wind running in between, breaking up each small pile. A bird chirping. I imagined it to be the small one I've seen around before, puffing its chest covered with soft fluffy feathers, swiftly tilting its head from one various direction to another. Probably waiting for me to finish painting the fence so he could perch on top of it. I was enjoying the new sound, the gentle resonance of autumn moving across the land.

I closed my eyes.

Brown eyes. I've seen them play so many parts now. Curious. Self-conscious. Connected.

We had not said much to each other in our brief encounter, but there was something about her that I couldn't get out of my head. Her outburst remark about my eyes was flattering. Thinking about it brought a smile to my face; I hadn't had such a reaction from a girl in years. I knew my purchasing her painting wasn't because of our exchange in compliments. My reason seemed to have tapped into something meaningful to her as simple as it was. She missed the beach as well. It made me wonder if she always lived in this town, or if she had lived next to the ocean like I had.

On the day Jasper had planned to ask Alice out, Emmett had fallen out of his wingman duties due to family obligations and asked me last minute to accompany him to the art showing. He had gotten the nerve to tell Alice ahead of time that he would go and so it was already a done deal. He would have to go through with it or be a fool upon himself if he didn't. In retrospect, I knew it was a good thing that I went. I was getting out into the community and also be there for Jasper as a friend whatever his outcome may be.

"Thanks, man, I owe you," Jasper said as I hopped into his front seat. He didn't have clue.

As we pulled up to the parking structure, he hesitated and asked me to go in first.

"Could you scope it out for me?" He pleaded. "You know, make sure she didn't come with anybody…like with another dude or something." Emmett wasn't kidding. Jasper was like a nervous wreck where it concerned Alice. "I saw her walk in earlier today, she's wearing a bright orange dress…can't miss her, she's gorgeous."

"Sure, no problem," I told him. "Don't wait too long though. You don't want her meeting someone else there."

Jasper's expression became apprehensive and fearful at the same time.

I suddenly regretted my last statement and almost apologized, but chose to leave it alone. It might just have been the adverse effect he needed to hear to boost his confidence. I got out of the car and walked over to the packing building.

When I got inside the small studio, I was surprised to see a lot of young people my age mingling amongst each other. I quickly spotted the girl in the orange dress I assumed was Alice. She stood right next to another girl in a less conspicuous outfit. I followed their movements from the other side of the floor. Alice didn't seem to be with anyone else other than her quiet friend. I turned around to on my way to get Jasper, when an image on the wall stopped me in place.

A painting so wistfully serene, it was beautifully depicting something I used to know. An overwhelming vastness of green grass covering the right and left side of the canvas, and the middle, a secretly hidden scene of the ocean, sand and a warm glowing sunset. I stared at it intently. My old memories rushed back instantly and I saw the painting in motion. My chest began to ache and my breathing slightly quickened. My eyes were warmed and glistened wet, but no tears fell.

Her voice didn't startle me. I didn't want to move my eyes away from the painting. It was a nice, bittersweet reminiscence. I might have said aloud; I wasn't certain. But I had to acknowledge her presence, before appearing rude. I turned to face her, it was Alice's friend. She was stunned for some reason, and I looked down afraid I had shown her something disturbing in my expression.

And then she complimented my eyes. And I was relieved.

I made a short excuse about the lights and then I saw embarrassment slowly forming in her face. Her fair skin was blushing and her cheeks filled to a rosy color. It was so endearing and I wanted to reach out to cool her face with my hands. Realizing that it might have been inappropriate, I thanked her for her comment instead. She mentioned green to be her favorite color and I immediately caught the connection to the color of my eyes. And although we stood there silently for a few minutes, and she didn't seem to mind as I continued to gaze at her painting with all of the emotional fervor inside of me.

I wished I could have introduced myself, but I suddenly remembered I that was there for Jasper, and I was honestly too stirred with sentiments to continue a normal conversation. As politely as I could, I slipped away and went out to meet him, gave him the green light and wished him good luck. I went to look for the painting, but I saw the brown eyed girl again, standing by the refreshments drumming her fingers nervously on her wine glass. I had a conjured up a better idea in my head. I bought her painting.

Bella Swan.

I repeated the name in my head as I recalled her dark brown eyes. They were deep with thought, and seemed to hold more than she would tell. My curiosity was beginning to grow as I wondered what might have gone through her mind when she created the painting. _Sunset at the Beach._

I got up from my bed and sat on the edge. Her painting was leaning against the right corner of the wall facing me. I enjoyed it being the first thing I saw in the morning. I made plans to buy a stand for it because it did not deserve to be anywhere remotely on the floor. Feeling refreshed after my shower, I got dressed in my jeans again with a white t-shirt and head out for the hardware store again. I was elated for Jasper on getting the date with Alice. He promised to fill me in on more of the details today and to return the favor as his substitute wingman, would help me find a stand for my painting.

And maybe I would inquire more about Bella. There was definitely something that drew me to her and I wanted to find out what it was. There had to more than the painting itself that we shared.

* * *

Jasper, chipper as the bird outside my window, was ringing up his customer at the cash register when I walked in. "You have a pleasant day now, Miss," he said in a high strung voice and waved good bye. "See you soon." The lady gave him an awkward smile as she left the store.

"Trying to top the customer satisfaction ratings now?" I teased him, as I pick up a rake nearby to examine.

"I can't believe it – she said yes," Jasper said incredulously as he ignored my comment. "I can't stop thinking about what I have to do next….where am I going to take her? What are we going to talk about? Does she feel the same about me?"

I put the rake back and went over to lean both my forearms on the front counter. Jasper had this gleam in his eyes that looked like he had won the lottery and didn't know what to do with the winnings. Jasper took off his apron and handed off his store keys to his co-worker.

"Let's go eat." Jasper led the way out of the store. "I need to feed my stomach so I can sort out all these thoughts in my head."

We walked a few blocks down the street over to the brewery and took the same booth from the last visit. We both ordered burgers and fries for lunch.

"Jasper," I started off intently. "So what happened?" I was really curious to find out. How did he put into words to ask a girl out? What is there to expect? I didn't have had a clue. I really didn't have much experience after being with a go-getter like Nessa's mother. I never dated again after her.

"Alright so this is how it went down," Jasper had the slyest smile on. "I actually ran into her friend, Bella first..."

I held in a breath, but kept my composure.

"So, I was thinking, 'good she's alone' or 'shoot what if she's not'," Jasper continued. "Then I saw her orange dress behind this huge crowd. " He made this motion like he was running with his fists pumping in front of him. "I had to get to her quick. Nobody ignores a girl like Alice." He then motioned his hands apart in between our faces. "And then – the parting of the Red Sea. There she was, in my line of sight. I walked right up to her and asked if we could go somewhere quiet to talk. That's just a red flag right there '_go somewhere quiet to talk', _right?" I nodded in somewhat agreement. "So we went over to an empty corner of the room and sat on the bench. And she looked so beautiful, I said that too, as nervous as I was, I told her that."

Jasper took a deep breath and thumped both palms on the table in excitement. "And then I said it. I told her I had feelings for her for a while, and that I thought she was great, smart and funny." He shot a hand up in the air for emphasis. "I know! I said all the corny things any guy could say, but I really meant it. Then I asked her if she would like to just hang out with me one day. Go for some coffee, see a movie, have dinner, just me and her."

He dropped his face and said with seriousness, "It was a bold move. No grey areas or wishy-washy pursuits. It was straight forward and honest, because I know Alice would have preferred that." He grinned. "And she gave me this look, like she might have known all along, but she didn't say. She just stared at me for the longest minute in the world, and said 'okay, take me somewhere, just me and you' and kept on this Mona Lisa smile after she said it too. She didn't say much, maybe less is more, but it still gave me goose bumps." He pretended to shiver, or maybe he really was. "And then she had to get back to Bella. She told me to call her today."

"Wow," I was winded just hearing his story. "I'm happy for you, Jasper. You knew what you wanted and went for it."

"Happy place right now, Edward," Jasper said. "Happy place. And thanks for being there for me, man. I really appreciate it." He gave me a sincere pat on my shoulder.

"No problem," I replied. We finished eating and paid our check.

"So let's get you a stand, yeah?" Jasper said. "And you can help me what to plan for my date."

We walked further down the street toward the end of the town center. I figured that we were on our way to the furniture store or some craft shop, but we were walking in the direction of the packing building. I was about to ask Jasper where we were going, but he answered before I spoke.

"I was thinking you'd get a better looking stand if we'd went back to the art studio, have them give you some suggestions or maybe they can order you one with a discount, since you bought art from them," Jasper explained conceptually.

"Great idea," I responded. _Back to the place I first saw her. _I smiled for both reasons.

"So you got any for me?" Jasper asked. "I don't want Alice to think she's going out with a mime."

"Okay, let's see," I contemplated. "You mentioned something easy going, like getting some coffee, right?"

"Yeah, I did. But going that route would mean pure conversation. We'd have to be talking the whole time. And frankly I don't know how much I can keep up. " Jasper shrugged. "It's just me and her this time."

"Okay, and a movie would mean no talking at all," I suspected, and then an idea opened up. "Unless, you do both? Movie, then coffee afterwards? Talk about the movie, and then go from there?"

"Hmmm…" Jasper thought for a short moment. "Yeah, we can do both. _I _can do that." Then he turned to me with worry. "But which movie?"

For some reason I answered that one right away. "Let her choose."

"Good call," Jasper praised me with a snap and point of his fingers.

"Then tell her you'll chose the coffee shop afterwards," I added nonchalantly.

Jasper snorted. "That's easy. I know her favorite one."

There was always this aura for light heartedness from Jasper that was infectious. I couldn't imagine what shape he'd be in if his date with Alice didn't go well.

We got to the art studio and my eyes immediately drifted to the spot where I met Bella for the first time. The wall was already filled by another painting. I was curious to see if it one of hers, but Jasper disrupted my thought and brought us over to the front desk. After I gave the measurements of the painting, they were able to suggest a stand perfect for it. Jasper worked his retail charm and got me the discount he had mentioned earlier. After I placed my order, the sales manager walked over to greet us.

"Mr. Cullen, it's nice to see you again," She held out her hand and I politely took it. "Come back for another art piece?" She pushed her glasses up with one finger and then traced a loose strain of hair around her ear with another.

"Actually, I just ordered a stand."

"Oh, nice. No room on the walls?"

"I...haven't found a permanent spot for it just yet." I answered truthfully.

"Well, as long as it's not stuff away in any closet somewhere." She joked with a small chuckle. I smiled in return. "We are having another showing in a few weeks and you are welcome back to see us again. We'll be showcasing more new works by our local young artists and I can personally show you around…but you can feel free to drop by whenever you like. We're open Monday through Saturday."

I could see something different in her eyes this time. I felt an unsettling feeling inside of me and I swallowed hard before responding. "I'll keep it in mind, thank you."

"Good, I hope you do," Her eyes hooded a little. "Have a nice day, Mr. Cullen."

We walked out of the building and the odd feeling I had inside still lingered a bit. I saw Jasper from the corner of my eyes and he had a smirk on his face. "What?"

"She was flirting with you," he said with a wide grin.

"She was what?" I didn't comprehend it.

"Fil-irt-ting," he pointedly pronounced one extra syllable. He held both hands up dubiously. "Buddy, don't tell me you didn't noticed." I laughed. Not so much at what he said, but how he said it with his animated hand gestures while he spoke that always seem so carefree.

"Oh yeah, I don't know," I responded, although I silently replayed her actions in my head and tried to connect it with the unnerving feeling I had. "Wasn't she just doing her job and being polite?"

Jasper rolled his eyes with exaggeration. "Sure. She's trying to top customer satisfaction ratings, too."

"It's just been a long while," I shook my head in disbelief.

"Well, she was flirting with you and obviously wants to see you again, hence the invitation," He nodded at himself knowingly. "And she's pretty cute. In a sophisticated, artsy smart kind of way." He scrunched his nose and shrugged.

She was a nice looking lady, but I didn't find her attractive. She was coming on to me? I was probably reacting instinctively. I shook my head. I didn't have any response to Jasper's intuition, but I decided to take it advantage of it.

"So, her being forward with my interests in mind was really to pursue her interests?" I asked.

"Yeah, that was obvious," Jasper replied condescendingly. "Like I said, she wants to see you again."

I went further with my inquiry. "And so, if I did go back, she would think I was returning the interest."

"Maybe," Jasper answered. "She'd definitely be on her toes." He raised an eyebrow.

I nodded in understanding. _How was I to go back there again? Maybe run into Bella or one of her paintings, but without being compromised by another girl? _I needed to get off subject so I could ask Jasper something that was starting to bother me now. My questions about Bella.

"Hey Jasper, don't you need to call Alice about tonight?"

"Yeah, I will," Jasper answered casually. "She's still at work right now. Probably telling Bella every ounce of detail about last Saturday, like how I told you."

_Good grace, an open window. _"Bella. Alice's friend, the artist, who I bought the painting from?"

"Yup. They're best buds." He confirmed to me.

"Do you all usually hang out together?" I asked trying to keep cool.

"I've only seen Bella once or twice," Jasper recalled. "She's mostly with her boyfriend, I mean, fiancée. I think they just recently got engaged. I've never met him, some kind of business guy or something."

_She's engaged. How did I not notice? I probably wasn't looking for any significance of it at the time. _

Jasper rambled off subject. "…and marriage! I'm not ready for that yet."

"What?" I answered hastily at nothing in particular. I was at a loss for words. My mind partially went blank. And in it, a continual marquee ran through.

_She's engaged. She's taken. She's with someone. _

"No way!" Jasper exclaimed. "Definitely, not the right time."

I snapped out of my brief incoherence. "Like you said earlier, Jazz. Happy place. Just enjoy your date with Alice for now."

"You're right," Jasper concurred.

We got back to the hardware store and Jasper took me home. I wished him good luck with his date and he promised to tell me about it afterwards.

I waited until Jasper drove off in his Ford Explorer, so I could sit on my rocking chair alone. I didn't want to go in the house just yet. I sat there rocking back and forth, staring at the woods and the sun setting in the distance. It was setting off a heavenly glow in soft pink and dark orange hues in contrast with the purplish cumulus clouds that were scattered across the sky. I sat there until it grew dark and the sun was completely vanished behind the silhouette of the mountain range.

I resolved to bed early that night. My window was still cracked open slightly and I saw that a few raindrops had splattered inside on the sill. I peeked out, suspecting that maybe it was starting to rain. I turned to stare at Bella's painting, but it was too dark and I couldn't see any of the colors. I went over to it to examine closely for any damages. Although I didn't find any, I moved it closer to my dresser away from the window. I shut my windows closed and got into bed. The dim light from outside my window casted a grayish tone on the ceiling. It looked different now than from how I saw it from this morning. I shut my eyes closed and felt sleep descend on me.

I had absolutely no plans for the next day.


	6. Chapter 4 Happenstance

**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer (she's awesome)**

**BPOV**

**Chapter 4 - Happenstance**

I felt his fingers slide slowly into my hands. I closed my eyes and welcomed the warmth. I grasped our intertwined fingers and locked our hands tightly together. I wanted to feel those arms around me. Strong, warm and tenderly loving. I reach across with my other hand as I swiveled my body to face him and caught his other hand. I opened my eyes and looked up. No face. No eyes. Just a blurred vision. There was just a man in front of me, embracing me wholly in his arms. I buried my face into his chest and held my arms around him as he held his arms around me. _Don't let go of me, _I pleaded. _This moment isn't going to last long. I'm feeling us disappearing. _I'm tousled around. I couldn't see anything and my touch was failing me. I grasped nothing. My hands reached out for him. I felt slow and frantic both at the same time. I took a deep breath and I spun my body over and I felt a shirt. I grabbed it with all my might, but it was loose and the shirt came instantly to my chest.

I opened my eyes and realized that I was in my own bed, alone in the dark, with my hand clutched to the bed sheets. I was breathless. The alarm clock read 3:30 in the morning. It was a dream.

I was still drowsy from the sleep aid I took before I got into bed. Still half asleep, I grabbed a pen and any piece of paper I could find from the night stand drawer. I scribbled on the paper whatever came to my mind for the few seconds I had before my brainwaves would shut down on me. I dropped the pen from my hand and succumbed to unconsciousness.

* * *

"Bella, you are so weirded-out today," Alice stared at me in a worried voice. She was leaning against my cubicle wall with a mug of coffee in one hand. "Do you miss Jacob?"

I pursed my lips together and curtly answered."Nope."

I typed an extra fifty words per minute faster for about five seconds and finally gave up.

"Yes. Maybe. I don't know." I slumped in my chair.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say you're weird for missing your fiancé." Alice gave me an artificial apologetic look. She came closer to my chair so that she could quietly add without anyone eavesdropping with a softer tone. "Bella, I just want to know if there is something else on your mind that's bugging you. You haven't been like yourself since – Saturday." She said the last word pointedly.

"Alice –"I began. She cut me off with a finger raised.

"I'm here for you if you need to talk."

"I'll tell you about it later. Lunch?" I promised. She nodded with a half smile and returned to her desk.

Truth be told, I wasn't my normal mood all week. I had stopped painting two days ago since the Monday Jacob left for New York on yet another business trip, a preliminary assessment.

Jacob and I came home that Saturday night after my art show on different waves of the emotional spectrum. His news was of course about his work. He was given an opportunity to be lead director on a development project in Manhattan and he had to make a brisk decision on whether or not he was on board. Taking the job would also mean he would be up for becoming a partner in the firm, which would include an ample hike in his salary. When he was finished telling me this, he had this delighted look in his eyes as he held on to both my hands.

"_There's a possibility we could be living in New York soon," he added with tiny squeeze of his hands. _

_I was speechless. I had almost had no reaction to this. At that exact moment, I suddenly didn't know what I wanted to hear. I began to feel deficient. Degraded. Inferior. _

"_I don't know what to say." Was all I could muster. _

"_Well, we can discuss this whole the-beginning-of-the-future-the-first-day-of-the-rest-of-our-lives offer in the coming weeks." Jacob rambled on. "All I'm obligated to do now is just fly out to the site for a prelim and scope out possible sub-contracts. Do a couple of interviews and if it's a go, I'll get to assemble my very own crew. Can you believe it? "_

"_Wow," I said barely through my teeth. "That sounds like a huge responsibility to take on, Jacob."_

"_It most definitely is." Jacob let out a final sigh. Then he gave me an exaggerated eye roll. "I'm such a meat head. I'm going on and on about my news….So how was the art show? You said it was pretty crowded, how'd it work out?"_

_I stared at him with my mouth hanging, still not quite put together after the fall of his elated state. I didn't like what I was hearing. I felt like I was being tugged between compulsion and composure. There was no way I was going to scream out in piss-mode at this point at him. I'd be such a killjoy. I pulled my lips together in a pucker and decided on composure. _

"_Well…." I began slowly. "I sold my first painting." _

"_Awesome!" he nodded in some kind of blank agreement rather than a congratulatory gesture._

I ranted on further about other works of the other artists and how I was welcomed to the studio's next show the following month. When I was done, I flashed him a ridiculous grin. Jacob told me he was proud of me and kissed me firmed on my forehead.

We agreed to put our discussion about Jacob's future on hold for when he would return the next Monday. I went to bed that night even more restless then the night before. My mind was getting deep fried and I didn't know what to do with it. Should I have been on cloud nine? And this _news, _was it suppose to be an added bonus?

I had already told the story to Alice when she called me the Sunday after. But I reserved any disheartening feelings because I didn't want to make a big deal over something I couldn't fully grasp myself yet. I couldn't understand my role in all of Jacob's plans. Surely, he had me in mind, as his fiancé, when he made this preliminary decision. It can't be a sealed deal just yet, can it?

Having lunch with Alice is like a chain smoker's cigarette break. Her companionship was definitely a dose of realism that I craved for after a long morning of mundane, robotic tasks. I offered to drive us there, needing a change in mechanical body functions. We decided to venture out back to the packing building to try the new Italian bistro café. I contemplated about taking a double shot of espresso when we got there. For some reason I had woken this morning feeling exasperatingly unfulfilled with my night's sleep.

We took the patio seating outside with the weather being warm enough.

"Oh looky here." Alice sang as she ostracized the menu. "Updated building comes with updated prices. Who do they think we are, Sex in the City?"

"It's not so bad," I said indifferent.

"Oh yeah that's right! I almost forgot you sold a painting," she suddenly remembered. "You can thank me with a hot toddy. I successfully pimped out my first artist." She gave herself a smug smile.

I laughed, "Okay, I owe you a drink. But I'm not going to be an accessory to your preempted working abilities after lunch hour." Goodness, how I needed that laugh.

"Okay, Italian sodas it is," Alice rolled her eyes as she waved over the server and ordered two, along with our favorite appetizers, Caprese salad and fried calamari. We preferred sharing small plates. No entrees for lunch.

When we were settled with our refreshments, I began my confession to Alice of my feelings about Jacob.

"Alice, I don't think I know Jacob anymore."

"Tell me why," She said concerned expression.

"I'm beginning to feel like I'm just a timeslot in his daily life. It's not like he has a set routine, other than when he wakes up in the morning and when he's home for bed. And other random times, seem to be like lottery picks, with my number on it. I shouldn't have to feel like I won his time with me. And when we're together, we talk about his work, my work, casual items like the news and the weather. I don't really _know _Jacob…anymore." I frowned as I repeated my last statement in my head. "Maybe I don't know _us_ anymore."

"Bella, you accepted his proposal." Alice hit a strong chord. "How did you feel then?"

I lingered on that question for a many moments. I had to carefully recollect my personal position at that time. Did I have a different perception just only a month ago? Yes. I did.

"Determined," I replied firmly.

Alice looked at me with all seriousness and her eyes willed me to continue.

"I knew when we got out of school things were going to be different. We were going to be grown adults in a grown up world. No more class to class strolls together, pulling all-nighters for papers due…" I began to trail my reasoning into vacant memories. "…lazily napping at the park, catching the twilight showing of a movie, and dinner together at home. And I was going to miss it," I stopped and realized I was reminiscing on what Jacob and I once had just over a year ago. "But I was determined to adapt. I accepted his proposal because I love Jacob. He's all that I knew and in this transition in life. And as frightening as it was in the beginning, I felt safe with him."

"Any now?" Alice questioned.

I shook my head in defeat of my failing presumptions. "And I don't know if I'm prepared for the next stage. I'm afraid I won't know Jacob, as my husband, because I don't know him any more than who he was when we began this relationship."

I looked up at Alice. She had on an expression that was a mix of compassion and helplessness. Although she currently wasn't in a relationship now, she's had her share of heartaches and heartbreaks. But she had not been in a relationship as serious as mine and Jacob's.

Our order arrived and we ate in silence for a few minutes.

"Damn, that's pretty deep, Bella," Alice whispered loudly. "When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"This morning," I answered. "He was already on his way to another meeting so it was a short phone call."

"And you don't know if you miss him right now, while he's gone," Alice half said it like a question and a statement.

"Truthfully, I don't think I miss him much," I said honestly. "I hear his voice on the other end of the line, and I'm still unmoved. I'm glad that he is safe and alright. But no sparks. Nothing, what's wrong with me?" I pleaded inside my head and to Alice.

"Bella, you're a strong, level headed girl," Alice reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you." She let go and took a sip of her soda. "You're probably just so used to it by now. Isn't it a good thing? Not having to feel too attached or dependant?"

"It's a different kind of detachment. The kind where I don't feel bad for not missing him. I don't miss him in bed, I don't miss him when I wake up, I don't even miss him after I hang up the phone with him," I spurted out. "Aren't I suppose to? I'm his fiancé for goodness sake!"

"Are you even in love with him anymore?" She asked me the one question that took me off guard.

I closed my eyes for a second while I held my breath. "What does that even feel like?"

"Oh," Alice sighed with widened expression and shrugged softly. "I can't tell you that."

Then I said something bold, because I wanted to hear myself. "What if he's not meant to be?" I stopped my sentence short.

"Bella, whatever you're thinking in your head, don't deny what you feel in your heart," Alice said solemnly. "You've just got to be damn sure of it. I know it's cliché, but sometimes we got to hear stuff like that once in awhile."

I nodded at her simple but significant advice. I was glad to emotionally vent to Alice. The best she could do was just to listen to me as I was listening to myself. She didn't judge me. She didn't tell me what I should do next. She was just sitting here with me, witnessing my manifestation of doubtful certainty in my relationship with Jacob.

Alice gave me a warm-hearted assurance, "Bella, you're going to find your green path, with or without Jacob."

I had to smile at her subtle euphuism of my favorite color in her statement.

We finished lunch and started to walk back to our parking spot around the block, when Alice told me she forgot her ATM card back at the bistro and that she would meet me back at the car.

I was about to take a second step on the crosswalk onto the streets, when I heard a loud screech. It sounded like a wailing siren faintly approaching fast and I didn't know in what direction it was coming from. Before I could turn to catch awareness of my surroundings, I felt a rough yank around my waist pulling me backwards. I was being moved out of my control. I felt my panic peaking. My feet lifted off the ground and my entire body thrashed to the left as I swung in mid air before landing awkwardly on my right foot and my left foot unstable on its heel. I was leaning firmly on a rock hard chest with arms strapped around me so tight I couldn't breathe. At that moment, my vision focused and I saw the scene before me.

A car was skidding across the intersection precariously away from where I stood just seconds ago to the other side of the street. Black smoke trailed from the left tire and filled the air with the scent of raw burnt rubber. The car finally crashed against a parking meter on the other side of the street facing its right of way, sparing any unwary pedestrian in the way of its impact. The driver stepped out quickly and frantically looked around for damages. A few onlookers came up to him in an effort to assist him.

I closed my eyes shut, a rush of warmth and refuge swept throughout my body.

"Are you okay?" I heard strong whisper in my ear from behind me.

The arms that were wrapped around me unraveled and hands gently took my shoulders turning me around to meet my savior.

I looked up, surprised to know him. "Edward." I said breathlessly.

"Bella, are you okay?" he repeated, looking into my eyes with his angelic green eyes.

I put both hands to my face, feeling relieved and grateful at the same time. _I was saved. By Edward._

"Bella, seriously," Edward's tone was now distress with concern. "I'm not going to leave you if you're in some state of shock right now."

"I'm okay," I nodded. I was a little wobbly from not quite having both feet planted firmly on the ground. Edward grabbed my arm again as I steadied myself.

"Thanks." I looked at him with bewilderment and he took a careful step back to give me breathing space.

"Do you want me to call someone for help? I'm sorry if I was rough with you…I had to move you quick."

"Wh-Where did you come from?" I almost demanded.

"That car back there," He turned to the direction of the damaged car. "Blew a tire around the corner, lost control from probably going a little too fast, ran a red and was pretty much coming after you in the intersection. I saw you from the sidewalk and pulled you off the street."

"I can't believe you were right there." I said incredulously. My eyes became fixated on his. "I didn't even see you."

"Yeah, I guess I'm lucky I ran into you at the right moment before that car did," Edward smiled.

I chuckled a little; glad I wasn't bent to oblivion like the fate of the unlucky parking meter.

"Thank you," I said sincerely.

We stood there for a moment and then I noticed Edward was staring at the pavement with a discerning expression. He had both hands in his pea coat. I noticed how good he looked wearing the same pea coat I first saw him in. Like a fellow from London or something. Not quite so refined, but still dignified. His hair was made in the same mess, and was just combed through by his hand before his spoke.

"I'm sorry, you must be on your way somewhere," he said with seriousness.

"I – I came here with my friend, Alice," I stammered, surprised with his change in tone. "She's probably waiting for me at the car now."

"Do you need me to walk with you?" He asked what seemed to be more out of courtesy than anything else. He was still staring at the pavement.

"I'll be fine," I replied. "Thanks again."

He gave me a gentlemanly nod and waited for me to move first.

I carefully looked on both sides of the street before crossing and I nearly sprinted across. I heard faintly in the background a light laughter. I'm sure it was Edward, staring at me, as I reached the other side with a new found phobia for street corners. I turned around to see him wave good bye. I waved back and he continued on his path down the sidewalk.

I reached Alice with confusion sprawled across her face and her palms up.

"Where were you?" She wondered. I figured she must have taken the north entrance to the parking structure, away from the scene of the accident. She had missed it all.

"Can you drive, Alice?"

I recited the entire incident to her. She was nonresponsive at first and I was afraid I should have been the one driving instead. I was about to call out her name to snap out her out of her trance.

"That is such a coincidence." Alice finally responded. "A quirky, flukey happenstance. Simple twist of -"

I raised an eyebrow at her with contorted expression.

"What?" I interrupted.

"The first person who bought your painting – your favorite one I might add – saves your life on the very same street you first met." She explained.

"Okay, I get the logistics of it. I just don't think it was some kind of voodoo fate. He just happened to be there. "

"Weird is on your side today." She concluded to herself.

Alice said no more of my incident and her own analysis of it for the rest of the day.

I went grocery shopping after work, needing to return back to a domesticated life routine despite the action sequence I was thrown in earlier today. I decided to make myself a really nice dinner. Broiled swordfish with roasted vegetables and garlic mashed potatoes from scratch. A bottle of my favorite pinot grigio, I knew I would finish half way.

I had taken the entire night to comfort myself with a fantastic meal. I was so delved into a food coma I walked passed by my art studio without any guilt. I readied myself for bed, tossing the comforter to the floor. I reached for my sleep aid on the night stand and took only the indicated amount. I wasn't worried about the alcohol mix in. It was no uncharted territory for me.

I lay there alone in bed.

_Edward. _

His arms around me. So tight. And he didn't let go.

His whispers in my ear. His voice so angelic.

His eyes. So mysterious.

I let myself drift off into darkness. Not afraid of the silence. Not afraid of the stillness. Not afraid of being alone. I was going to welcome my venture into the dream world. I was going to dream tonight.

**A/N: "My Hero" by Paramore on Sound of Superman is a cool cover song. **


	7. Chapter 5 Decisions

**BPOV**

**Chapter 5 - Decisions**

I didn't dream again. I knew that for certain.

When my alarm went off, I tried to recall anything that would indicate I had imagined something or felt something at all in my sleep. But nothing came to mind and my head was straining blank. No dream. And maybe it was no big deal. Having absolutely no dream was better than the disappearing act of an actual one.

Dream or no dream, I still remembered my incident with Edward yesterday. I closed my eyes as I secretly recalled his valiant actions on the street to save me. He kept me secured in his strong arms until I was safe. And it wasn't his hard chest I leaned on that caught me off guard, but his whispers in my ear. I didn't have to see his face or look into his eyes. I heard Edward and it was his voice that brought me to a place that was outside my body, a force of energy that at tugged me to stay in his arms. But he had let go of me to see if I was really okay. He was gentle with me, but I could tell in his worrisome eyes that something else bothered him, even though I assured him I was fine. It's definitely not an everyday experience to rescue someone. I reckoned that maybe it was a late reaction to shock for him.

I was feeling well rested and I presumed it was the result of my food binge from the previous night. I pondered about making the meal again this week, but brushed off the idea, as I sadly revisited my obvious neglect of painting.

The den stood as still as I had left it on Monday. It was no longer cluttered because I had taken all of Sunday afternoon to reorganize my materials and lay a new set of newspaper on the floor. That first night alone, I had trouble releasing any pleasant images into my canvas. I had mixed bright, cool colors just to awaken my sight, but I was stuck. I had painter's block. But my urge to mark the blank, white canvas was too overpowering. Aggravated, I swirled my brush messily into all the colors and then slashed it across the white. It was a rainbow, from the bottom left corner to the top right corner. I had made a kindergartner's rendition of the basic color spectrum. All that was missing was a pot of lucky gold coins at the end.

The unfinished canvas stood lonely, as I passed by it again before I walked to the bedroom. I promised myself I would try again.

I got to work to find Alice waiting for me at my cubicle. I knew I wasn't running late, I had left early this morning and there was absolutely no rush hour traffic, so I knew she had something to tell me that couldn't wait until lunch. She waited for me to settle in my seat and log into my computer. Once I was done, I turned to her and before my open mouth could ask her anything, she vigorously waved her hand toward her and grabbed my arm to help me up.

"Come on," she whispered urgently. "Let's go get some coffee."

Confused, I complied and followed her back outside the building, knowing we were on our way around the corner to her favorite coffee shop.

"How are you this morning?" Alice asked me first.

I was a little annoyed at her cautious demeanor, but I took it to good heart, because I knew she was just looking out for me. I grudgingly answered, "I'm fine, Alice."

We walked into the shop and waited in line to order and then she began. "So, I was here two nights ago."

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "It's okay if you come here without me, Alice. I'm not going to get bitter."

"I was here with Jasper."

I raised my eyebrows. "Jasper. He finally asked you out."

"Yes." She smiled smugly.

"So, what happened?" I asked.

"He asked me out at the art show," Alice responded with a slight wince. "Two café lattes, please."

"Really?" I was shocked. "You didn't tell me that part."

"I know, I'm sorry, but I wasn't exactly sure I how felt about it, yet, and it was your night, too," Alice explained. I gave her an 'it-doesn't-matter' look and she gave me a 'yeah-it-does' look back. "We went out on a weeknight, to avoid the weekend crowd, it being our first official date. He let me pick out a movie, and I chose a chick flick of course, and then we came here afterwards."

"Nice and simple," I nodded. "How was it?"

Alice suddenly laughed at a memory of her date. "He tried so hard to impress me by critiquing the movie. A girly movie. How he thought about this character and this scene." She laughed out loud again. "It was so adorable."

"So are you planning on date number two?" I asked curiously. We got our coffee and started walking back to work.

"There will be a date number two," Alice answered confidently. "I think I like this side of Jasper. It's kind of an exciting adventure. I mean, he's no stranger to me. It wasn't a blind date. It was just Jasper and me. And maybe we'll just see where it goes." She winked at me.

I was happy for Alice, and I didn't blame her for not telling me sooner. I can see why she wanted to hold it off while I crooned all week to her about my relationship woes, but it didn't pang me any wrong way to hear this kind of news from Alice. She's deserved to finally get back into dating again. And with a guy that already began as a good friend.

I went home feeling a little bit more inspired from Alice's good news. After dinner and finishing up some laundry, I went back into my studio. I put out some new colors on my palette and stared at my color-distorted rainbow. I swirled the colors again as I did before and painted more arches above and below my first one. I let arches fade in color as I painted more on both sides. I waited for a few minutes to let it set in. Then I squirted a bold magenta color on my palette and dip my finer brush carefully in it. I painted a defined tiny heart in the middle of the first arch at the curve point right side up and then I painted a duplicate one right next to it. I left both hollow so that it was only an outline of the hearts and my swirled colors were showing on the inside.

I smiled at it. It was not something I usually painted, but I knew I was going to remember why I did it.

I was about reach for more paint, when I heard the front door open.

"Bella?" Jacob called out. "I'm home early."

I peeked out of the den to see Jacob wheeling in his suitcase and taking off his suit jacket. I asked him if he was hungry, but declined my offer to fix him something to eat and said he wanted to take a shower right away.

"I'm just really tired, that's all," he explained. "I had a snack on the plane, I'm okay."

As he was in the shower, I stepped over to his laptop bag. It was unzipped and filled with loose documents and bounded paperwork on the side. I carefully pick a single sheet that was slightly loose from the others and slid it slowly half way out.

I couldn't make out what it was about exactly, but it seemed to be some kind of schedule for construction on a site. Demolitions and renovations? A date at near the bottom of the page caught my eye. It was a date that was almost one month from now. I was about to pull the whole page out, when the bathroom door opened. I quickly jammed it back into Jacob's bag.

"Bella, could you do me a favor and grab my electric shaver from my toiletry bag?" he yelled out from the door. "I forgot to take it out."

"Sure." I went to his luggage to fish out his shaver, as I contemplated the date in my head. _What is Jacob doing in a month?_

We readied ourselves for bed, after Jacob unpacked, or rather dumped his dirty clothes into our empty laundry basket, and slid his empty suitcase underneath the bed, where he always stored it. I noticed that he stopped moving, but was still crouched on the side of the bed. He startled me when he suddenly stood up with a small receipt in his hands. At first I thought nothing of it, thinking maybe he was just looking back at a purchase he made during his trip. But then I saw that the printed side was facing me and he was staring at the back side. He was holding my old bookstore receipt for my mystery novel.

"Were you craving popcorn in bed or something?" Jacob asked me. _What a strange question. _

"What?"

He handed over my receipt and I saw what he was questioning. My receipt had a jagged drawing of a popcorn or cloud-like image. Just one image, with no words. I was clueless, but Jacob didn't seem bothered by my silence. He slipped into his side of the bed, situated himself in the sheets and pounded on his pillow into shape.

"You probably dreamt about it, too, swimming in a sea of popcorn drenched with butter," Jacob chuckled at me. "Did you pick up any at the store?"

I stared at him dumbly, "I don't know – I mean no, but I don't know why I drew this." I shook my head. "I must have been really tired and just doodled…for some reason."

I didn't have time to ponder right there with Jacob lying next to me, so I tossed it in my night drawer and changed the subject. There was something I had to discuss with Jacob that was more important than some inkblot assessment image. It was about his brief phone call we had earlier this morning.

"So, you need to make another trip to New York?" I asked calmly. "How soon?"

Jacob sighed with a regretful expression only meant for me. "This Saturday."

"You just got back."

"Yeah, I know," Jacob's voice became somber as he turned his body to me. "It's getting pretty serious. The job, I mean. And I know me being away isn't easy, but I want to know how you're holding up so far."

"It's not easy." I said truthfully. "It's a definite change for…us."

"Yeah, I know," he coincided again. He bowed his head and kept his eyes away from me. I knew this about Jacob all too well. He was about to tell me something that would be hard for him to say, because it was about to reinforce our 'change' even further. And maybe not in a good way. "They want me to move New York immediately. It's going to be a long-term contract, about a year or more, can't pin point it, but it will be that long. It's a big decision, Bella. One that needs to be made quickly."

I looked at him without apprehension. I knew this would be possible and I wasn't surprised to hear it. Not hearing a word from me, Jacob finally looked up to see me very indifferent.

"Bella, can you say something?" he nervously asked.

I took a slow breath. "Do you love your job?"

He answered that without a thought. "Of course. And I love you, too." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

I looked down at his hand in mine. "Jacob, are you asking me to make a choice for you?"

"Bella. I want to know if you'll come with me now. We wouldn't have to wait, we can just go and start it off new, in a new city," Jacob said hopefully. "I want you to come with me."

I bit my bottom lip. This was going too fast. What kind of decision am I making? Moving to New York or staying with Jacob? I couldn't make it now. I needed more time to think. _Does he understand that I would still be waiting for him? Whether it was here or in New York? _

"It's a big decision for me too, Jacob," I spoke calmly. "Can we talk more about it tomorrow?"

He smiled warmly and nodded with understanding. And it was then that I saw Jacob's face with new perception. I reached out to touch his face and he lifted his free hand to touch my hand. That precise moment was what was missing in our relationship. We had this small wrinkle in time all to ourselves, as partial as it is to me and as whole as it may be to him.

We slid underneath the bed covers and Jacob positioned himself comfortably for sleep. I felt a hot tear stream down my face, and although I felt Jacob's warm body against mine, I felt like a cold person. I didn't wipe my tear away, as I clutched hard on my pillow with both my fists, wanting this hardening feeling away.

And then it hit me like a stamp on my forehead. _I do remember now. _The first night alone, I took a sleep aid to help me fall asleep. I dreamt something that night. I had woken up in the middle of the night and wanted to remember it, so I hastily wrote or drew what I could on this receipt to help me remember the dream. But I didn't dream about popcorn, because that just didn't make any sense. Did I dream about clouds?

Soon I felt Jacob's hot breath against my neck. Slowly, I reached over to the night stand drawer, pulled the handle, and pick out my receipt. I held it close to my eyes so I could see the image again.

Not so much a cloud. _What is this?_

I carefully placed it next to my alarm clock, printed side up.

* * *

I saw him saying something in her ear. Some unhappy news. Her shoulders slumped and she didn't say a word. The room I stood in was silent and I only saw movement. I watched as I let their conversation finish and he walked away. I had to go over and comfort her for whatever reason she had just gotten sad about. I didn't ask why and told her it was okay, but there was something wrong. As I tried to give my friend some comfort, I was holding back an aching feeling. Why didn't he say anything to me? Will he? She didn't see me, but I became disturbed as well.

She quickly changed her expression and started to greet other people that filled into the room. No one else looked distraught, but it was a blurry scene and there still were no sounds. I suddenly felt my arm being pulled away. I turned around and found myself in his arms in whole embrace. Sadness was there and I could feel it from him. He didn't speak, but I knew right then.

"You're going away aren't you? For a very long time." I made the last part sound tentative rather than a permanent remark. I just couldn't say it out loud.

He nodded his head slowly against my shoulders. He held me with both arms and I took in a deep breath of his scent. Knowingly familiar again and longing comfort swept over me. I was glad to have this moment, but the sadness I knew was not saying the good bye.

And then he was gone.


	8. Chapter 6 Rain Falls Down

**BPOV - A major turning point in Bella's life.**

**Chapter 6 – Rain Falls Down**

"Alice, what does this look like to you?"

Alice nearly jumped out of her seat as I shoved my receipt with the doodle on it in her face without any warning. I was the one who came over to her cubicle this time with urgency.

"Bella, you freaked me out," Alice whispered in a raspy tone. "What?" She took the receipt out of my hand to focus on the crumpled piece of paper.

"What does it look like?" I repeated my question.

"A weird looking pea pod," Alice answered curtly. "With like five peas in it."

I rolled my eyes incredulously, remembering Jacob's guess. "What's with the food analogy?"

Alice twitched up an eyebrow in confusion. "You asked." She handed my receipt back to me.

"I had a dream a couple of nights ago, and apparently I drew _this_ hoping I'd remember what it was about," I explained. "Except I almost forgot I drew it and Jacob found it under the bed last night."

"Oh, you and your non-dreams again," She sighed and went back to her computer to close down her programs. "Come on, let's take a break."

We walked out to the coffee shop again and sat at a corner table, where it was quiet and no one was around to eavesdrop on our conversation. It was where we did all our morning chats and gabbed about nothing with our café lattes during breaks.

"You know how I've been having these dreams I can't remember, but I know I have them?"

Alice nodded all too knowingly. "Yes, yes and you can really feel them, but forget what there're about."

"So, this is like a clue." I said fervently. "Maybe it'll jog my memory about what I dreamt."

Alice looked at me with gentle, but skeptic eyes. "Bella, when I remember my dreams the next morning, I forget about it the rest of the day. You had this dream several nights ago?"

"Four nights ago," I replied. "It was Monday night."

"You think this picture is going to jog anything in your brain that had something or nothing to do with anything you did in reality?" Alice asked. She looked at me with seriousness now.

"I usually forget about my dreams too, Alice," I said softly. "Because they're as meaningless to me as this empty coffee cup. But not the dreams that I've been having lately."

Alice sipped her latte quietly to listen to me.

"I know I feel different about these dreams," I tried to explain. This was going to be difficult to describe. "I have this feeling that kind of lingers on me right before I wake up. And it feels so real, and then it fades away. And I try to remember any bit and pieces, and I'll repeat it in my head over and over, but it's like my head doesn't want me to keep it in memory. Like it doesn't make sense, so it sends it to the trash bin to delete."

"So you try to remember, but you can't," Alice said slowly as she was trying to comprehend me.

"Yeah, pretty much," I concluded.

"And you want to see if you can decipher anything about your dream with this thing you drew in the middle of the night."

I nodded.

"Okay, start here," Alice put both her palms on the table. "Figure out all the possible things this image could be a drawing of." She tapped her index finger pointedly on the table. "I said pea pod. Go with that even. What do you think it is?"

"A cloud."

"Okay, and Jacob?"

"Popcorn."

Alice stopped to chuckle. I gave her a stern look. "Okay, I'm sorry. Look, make a list and then look them up in a dream dictionary or something. Have you had any dreams since that one?"

"I think I had one last night, but it was really blurry," I tried with all my effort to remember. "I felt something being left behind. People were there, I don't know, it was a hazy scene. It was not a good dream, I think."

"Are you going to look up that one, too?"

"What can I look up if don't remember even one item or clear image?" I shrugged in discontent. "And I didn't find anything around the room in case I might have written down something again."

When we got back to work, I immediately got to my computer to hit the internet with Alice's idea. I used my search engine to type in the word 'dreams' and 'dictionary'. Several website popped up and I began with the first one on top of the list. I entered 'clouds' in their search and clicked on the button to interpret.

_Clouds: __To see fluffy, white clouds in your dream, signify inner peace, spiritual harmony and compassion. An issue in your waking life may be clearing up. To see dark or stormy clouds in your dream, symbolize depression or anger. It indicates an impending eruption of emotions._

I kept that one in mind. Then I as reluctant as I was to doing it, I forced myself to look up the food items.

_Peas: __To see peas in your dream, symbolizes some minor problems and annoyances that are continually bothering you._

_Popcorn: __To see popcorn in your dream, suggests positive growth and that you are full of ideas. It may also indicate that certain truths/facts are being made aware to you._

I printed out my results and put it in my purse for later. I was determined to find out if there was any meaning to my dreams even if I couldn't remember what they were about. And hopefully I'll be able to find out more if I dreamt again.

After work, I went to the bookstore and bought myself a journal. If I had another dream, I was going to write or draw anything I could recall and have it recorded. If I had enough items down, maybe I could put it together like a puzzle. Maybe all these dreams were connect somehow. Maybe I'm having recurring dreams and I don't even know it.

But the feeling I knew, because it felt the same. Every time.

I placed the journal in my night drawer with a pen. I paused for a second, went to the kitchen to grab more pens from counter and tossed in three more in the drawer for good measure.

I pulled out my dream printout from my purse.

Clouds. I was already agreeing to the interpretation that I currently have issues. But if my image was to depict a fluffy cloud, it was only meaning to be positive. I snorted at the part where it meant inner peace and harmony. If my cloud was meant to be dark or stormy, then there's imminent emotions that's looming, and it may not be pleasant. I reread the interpretations for the food items.

Peas. I laughed out loud. _Minor problems and annoyances that continue to bother me? _I pondered on that one for a while as I thought about what problems I had that always bothered me.

Popcorn. _Positive growth and full of ideas? _That doesn't really sound like me.

Maybe none of this was meant to mean anything at all. And maybe I was being melodramatic over these dream interpretations. But aren't dreams supposed to be a subconscious window to my frustrated desires and emotions? My own self telling me something that I inertly wanted, some kind of happiness, and saving me from doing something wrong in my walking life? I questioned my happiness, pounding it over and over in my head, until I was angry for not coming up with an answer. I should have been able to say it immediately. It should have come easily to me like it was steadily at home in my own intuition.

I folded the printout in half, placed it with my journal and shut the drawer again. Something had honed in on me, maybe an epiphany, I didn't know for sure. But what I did know was, I had to do something that made more sense to me now than it ever did before. The dream interpretations from the internet had struck a chord and I suddenly remembered what Alice had said to me during lunch the other day about how I felt in my heart. I felt my shell cracking apart, and with each piece falling off felt like there was less restraint against me. I was seeing it so clear now and I felt acceptingly relieved. I was no longer afraid of the consequences or the outcome. It was no longer an opportunity cost or a loss of permanence. It was the right thing to do.

I stared at the laundry basket full of Jacob's dirty clothes in the corner of the bedroom. I went over and picked it up.

For two hours, I used my second wind to do all the loads of laundry. I even did the bath mats, towels and bed linens. When the last load was done out of the dryer, I folded everything neatly into the dresser, put away all the bedding and towels in the linen cabinet and hung all the shirts in the closet. When I finished, I made myself some tea and sat in the living room as I waited for Jacob to return home.

* * *

The rain began to fall and each hard drop that fell on the roof of my car sounded louder and louder. I thought to myself how suiting it would rain tonight as I drove in the darkness down the windy roads I knew all too well. I knew every curve and sharp corners. And I wasn't afraid of the streets lights that were slightly dimmer than any other night, because I still would have driven in pitch black if I had to. It was like I was driving myself to an unknown destination, but still aware of every turn I was making. I drove around a mailbox and my headlights lit the driveway I had turned into. It was covered with wet pine leaves and some mud. I parked in an empty spot and got out. The rain was coming down harder and I felt the coldness hitting me like sheet of ice. The temperature outside was freezing; it felt like it should have been snowing or hailing. But it was shockingly refreshing. I lifted my face to the sky to let the rain fall, feeling its clean wash over me. It was the effect of turning on the shower with unexpected cold water running. It startled my body and at the same time kept me alert. There was no turning back now.

I wiped my face with my hands and brought out my bag. I carefully walked to the front door and rang the door bell. It was two o'clock in the morning, but I rang the door bell anyway knowing it was no different than a phone ring. I rang it again. After a minute, I heard the door being unlocked and then it swung open.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed. "Oh my gosh, you're wet! Get inside." She pulled me inside her house and then closed the door.

"I left Jacob." I said with my teeth uncontrollably chattering.

"Oh, Bella," Alice sighed. She then grabbed my bag from me to place it down and then ran over to her sofa to grab her chenille blanket and threw it over my shoulders. "Bella, what happened?"

We sat down on her sofa and I told her everything. She listened as she always did, without interruption or doubtful query. She just let me recite what I had chosen to do just a few hours ago. I had broken off my engagement with Jacob.

"Do you want to talk about it some more?" Alice asked quietly.

"No, it's late and I'm really exhausted," I answered as I pulled the blanket off and got up. Alice got up alongside me. "Can I sleep here?"

Alice gave me a hug. "You don't even have to ask." Alice went to her linen closet and handed me a towel and a new blanket. "Just stay in tomorrow. Call in sick to work. It's Friday anyway."

I nodded. I had already planned on it. "Thanks, Alice."

"Good Night." She hugged me again before heading back to her bedroom.

I changed into my pajamas that I brought from my bag and curled up on the sofa. I pulled the blanket close underneath my chin and tucked my arm under my head. I closed my eyes and stretched out all my limbs before letting it fall limp. Time was going to be brutal and slow, I predicted. I'll have to let it consume me, but I was ready. I was ready to move on. And I knew that once I got to the other side, it was going to be very open with uncertainty. _I can't be afraid. Not now._

Being both physically and emotionally exhausted, I let sleep consume me whole. I could feel it coming very easily. The rain slowed and intermittent rain drops against the window sill began to sound like a dripping faucet.

I knew I wasn't dreaming, because I was replaying a part of what happened earlier tonight in my head.

He stood still in the kitchen light. One palm leaned against a chair and his head was down staring at the ceramic tiles. He did not grant me access to the expression on his face.

_I had a million thoughts running through my mind and I didn't know what to say._

_I don't want to go to New York._

_I don't think I can be that girl by your side any longer. _

_You can be the husband that is devoted, loving and caring. But it won't be enough for me. _

_I'll always have a just piece of you, and not all of you. _

_It's not your fault. _

_You've grown into this man I admire and adore so much. And I love you. _

_I just don't have the energy to love you and your ambitions both_.

"Jacob…" I was numb.

He looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. His was forehead wrinkled and his bottom lip was pushing up against his top lip in an awkward frown. Hot tears ran down my cheek.

"Bella…I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

Jacob's face looked heartbreaking. I couldn't bear to see it and I began to feel guilty for causing it to be there. I had already gathered a few personal items in my bag before he came home so I was ready to leave. As I walked towards the front door, I passed the den where my painting from last night stood. I caught a glimpse of my two hollow hearts and poignantly cringed at the sight of it. I had to remind myself it wasn't meant for me.

Jacob will always have a place in my heart. Just not the whole thing.

**A/N: Bella finally makes a choice for herself, but is still saddened that it didn't work out even with her earlier contemplations. She's accepting it while still aware she'll have to endure all the unpleasant aftermath. **

**"Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. **

****dreams intrepretations taken from dreammoods(dot)com **


	9. Chapter 7 Another Rest Stop

**A/N: warning *mild alcohol content* ****Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer **

**Chapter 7 Another Rest Stop - ****BPOV**

A whole week never went by so slow.

Jacob left for New York, as scheduled, last Saturday. He would be there working for the following two weeks, so I took the time to gradually pack my stuff. Today, I went back to the apartment for the last time to gather all of my boxed belongings. I had rented a storage unit in the next town over and put down a deposit for six months up front. It took me three trips to bring all that was mine and left all else that used to be 'ours'. My paintings and supplies that I carefully wrapped and sealed in water tight containers was one of the hardest things I had to pack away. There would be no room at Alice's for that. On my final trip, I went back into the bedroom and sat on the bed one last time. I laid there in my clothes and all, staring at the ceiling.

_How did I let it get this far? _

I pulled a tiny black box out of my coat pocket.

I remembered the day when Jacob had presented it to me. He held it with both hands and showcased the diamond ring he had inside in front of me. It was only two months ago when I thought I had made the right decision. But I knew the decision I made last week felt more right, because if I had let it go any longer, it would be destined for all the wrong reasons. Jacob didn't deserve that and neither did I.

I got up and placed the box that held his engagement ring on top of the night stand drawer.

I was about to step out of the bedroom door, when I turned back again to the night stand. I opened the drawer and pulled out my journal. It was still blank as it was forgotten about all week. I tore out a page and wrote a note for Jacob.

_**I will always love you, Jacob. **_

_**Take Care,**_

_**B**_

I folded the noted in half and left it underneath the black box. I took my key out and placed it right next to it. As I stepped out the apartment and locked the door from the inside, I held it midway, still holding on to the cold metal knob. I had my back to the door and my face to the mountain skyline. It was slightly masked by the fog in the distance as the rain started to sprinkle. I took a deep breath, and slammed it shut. It was not out of spite or aggravation. I just needed to feel and hear this finality part of my life ending. It was behind me now and I could not look back. I had to remind myself that if I kept moving forward, one day maybe it will only be a passive memory.

I drove down the road towards the town center. I felt the numbness in my body again. I hated this part. For the past week, I stayed at work longer, made extravagant dinners at Alice's and didn't go anywhere else unless it was to the grocery store. I had stopped reading and went to bed early. One thing I felt bad about was not talking to Alice much. I know to her, she was only giving me the space and time alone that I needed. And I also know she will be there when I'm ready to talk it out. I was allowing time to slowly drag on. And the longer I endured it; I let myself believe that I would eventually come out stronger.

I turned onto the main street and parked. I grabbed a handful of quarters for the parking meter. Two hours would be enough time. I needed a drink.

I walked in and went straight to the bar. The brewery was near empty as it was only five in the early evening. From a quick look around over my shoulder, I saw that only a few booths were taken and no one else sitting at the bar.

"What can I getcha?" the bartender asked me, while wiping his hands back and forth on a bar towel.

"I'll have a beer," I replied, not particularly choosey about my inebriated-to-be beverage.

The bartender pointed to his half dozen handles of tap on top of the counter in a silent request to ask me which one I'd prefer. I had no energy or the brain power to pick. I wanted beer and it didn't matter what it came in, how it was poured, or what color it is. Just give me a glass of beer.

"Any one will do," was all I could muster up to say.

The bartender must have picked up on my non-livid mood, because whatever beer he decided to pour from tap was slid over to me in a large, tall mug with the foam still over flowing over the lip.

"It's my favorite," he added earnestly. "You'll like it."

I gave him a half smile and grasped my fingers tight around the chill mug. I felt the wetness of the foam around the handle and I had to use my other hand to lift the five-pounder to my lips. The icy cold beer went down like a frost-biting tingle in my throat with a honey coated taste of barley and a citrus finish. I let out a much needed exhale after my gulp and kept my hands around the icy glass.

"It's good," I replied. I tried to lift my mug again in a friendly cheer, but it only got a good two inches in the air. The bartender nodded in satisfaction of my verdict and went back to restocking his bottles.

My head was muddled with this inner battle to not ponder about my breakup as I recalled my last steps the last week and my weak attempt to suppress them with my beer did not prevail. My phone call with Jacob when he got to New York on Saturday was my last conversation with him. We asked one another how we were, hovered over basic responses and avoided any emotional disclosures. Then, I started to list everything else that's happened since. My painful task of separating my stuff and Jacob's stuff alone. My last check to the leasing office of the apartment's last month. My phone call to my distant mother, Renee, about my break up. She had offered to visit, willing to remove herself from her very well off lifestyle in Miami, but I refused. I didn't want her staying at a hotel because I no longer had my own place and I definitely didn't want to impose any more on Alice's already generous impromptu hospitality. Especially after she offed me from the couch, insisting that I stay in her guestroom with the full bed.

I couldn't tell if I was purposefully torturing myself with this sad reminiscence because I deserved it as consequence for breaking up with Jacob or if I was inherently exploring any hidden doubts. Either way, I was wallowing in some unpleasant weeds. My lethargic rest stop.

My thoughts were interrupted with a phone ringing. Maybe it was just the ringing in my head. My elbow was on the bar and I had my head resting in the palm of my hand that were chilled from the mug. Through half opened eyes, I saw that I had about a fourth of beer left in my massive mug. I squeezed my eyes shut and crossing arms on the bar I laid my chin on them. The phone rang again.

_Stop ringing. _

_Is the bar ringing?_

The ringing stopped and I distinctly heard the bartender's booming voice.

"Is there a Mr. Edward Cullen here?"

My eyes shot up open and I sat very still.

"Is there an Edward Cullen here?" I heard footsteps close by, but not right next to me, maybe several feet away.

"Yes."

"You have a call," I heard the bartender say.

I focused my eyes on the shelf behind the bar and kept my stare there. _Edward was here? How long have I been here? _More movements and then I heard Edward's calm, velvety voice again. It was low, but I concentrated on listening very carefully to hear every word he said.

"No, I haven't been here long."

_But how long? I didn't see him when I came in._

"Don't worry about it. Do you need help? Okay, we'll hang out another time. "

_He was meeting someone? But not anymore. _

I hadn't seen him since our street incident. Hearing his voice again inwardly brought me back to that place that felt safe and suddenly I didn't care that he was standing in this very room within a short distance from me. Although slightly incoherent, I was enjoying this, yet another strange happenstance of being in the presence of Edward's voice. I felt my eyes droop in a slumber, still staring at the empty wooden shelf in front of me.

I must have zoned out because I didn't hear Edward's voice anymore and I definitely didn't hear any footsteps nearby. But I did hear the barstool next to me squeak as it slowly turned. I opened my eyes wide and lift my head away from my arms. I turned to my right to see him sitting there quietly next to me with a friendly look on his smooth face. He looked relaxed with his hand clasps together in his lap. He was wearing his pea coat again, but over jeans, a cotton tee and tennis shoes. His hair, in its dishelved look, was a little wet with a few raindrops. He must have walked in not too long ago.

I kept quiet and gave him a quizzical look, wondering why he hadn't spoken after coming up to sit right next to me. Clearly without ordering a drink. He mocked a quizzical expression in return and  
I gave up.

"It's Bella," I should at least make sure he knew who he came up to.

"I know." He smiled wider.

I frowned. "You didn't say hello or anything, so I wanted to be sure you knew it was me."

"Well, I didn't want to scare you again," he said thoughtfully. He leaned in towards me slightly and whispered. "With any sudden or unexpected movements."

I trailed his smile to his eyes and stopped there. His green eyes were still stunning under these dim bar lights. They appeared softer with a hint of gold and calm like his voice. Very soothing.

"Oh…well," I said. "I'm pretty relaxed at the moment. So no need to worry." Trying to stay casual, I smoothed down my hair with my hand, hoping it wasn't in a mess.

He caught a glance at my near empty beer mug. "Are you here by yourself?"

I nodded. "You?" I was still curious to see why he was here at this bar.

"I was supposed to meet a friend here," he answered warily, and then stared at me with examining eyes. "But he had an emergency so he can't make it any more. It's Jasper, you know him right?"

"Jasper?" I repeated surprisingly. "How do you know Jasper?"

"I've known him for a while," he explained. "Actually, I went to the art show with him. He asked me to go as a favor. To help aide him on a quest to woo a lady friend."

"Ahhh…Alice," I realized. "You know Alice too?"

"We haven't officially met, yet."

We had swiveled our barstool to face each other and I noticed that Edward had positioned his arm on the bar and his fist underneath his chin like I was doing. From afar, anyone who saw us would have thought we were old friends just catching up. I thought about what he said a moment ago carefully.

"So…you buying my painting…was that part of the scheme?" I asked suspiciously.

Edward chuckled and I saw a glimmer of his teeth as he grinned.

"No. That was very real." He said sincerely. He seemed to have hung on to that sentence for a moment maybe so that I would believe him. "In fact, I was told there would be another show soon. Will you be there again?"

"I was invited back," I replied. "Two weeks from today." But then I remembered that I had not done enough paintings to showcase, except for the one I made under Alice's inspiration. And I was planning to give that to Alice one day as a gift of gratitude for letting me stay at her house. "But I'm not sure if I'm going."

"Why not?"

"I haven't been able to paint lately, and I don't have anything new to bring in." I shrugged. "So I'll just have to wait for the next time around." I must have been lacking self control in my facial expressions because Edward tilted his head downward to meet my gaze again.

"Why can't you paint?" he asked.

He was getting close to the core of my reason for being in this bar in the first place. So I kept it short, like all these questions he's posing on me.

"No room for it. I recently moved out, that's all."

"Oh, I see." He leaned back, dropping his arms on his lap and halted his questions there.

I didn't want to leave, but it was getting awkward. I really wasn't in the best shape and I didn't want to appear rude with my short answers, if he unknowingly delved into a subject I didn't want to expand on. Like why I haven't painted lately.

"Edward, it was nice to run into you again," I said as friendly as I could. "Even this being under a more normal circumstance than the last."

He smiled at that and I was glad I had not made him feel uneasy.

"But I should be going home now." I began to slide off of the barstool, when Edward lightly placed his hand under my forearm. At first I thought he was just maybe helping me down, hoping I wasn't klutzy enough to slide off and fall on my bottom, but when I stood up without any mishap, he still had his hold on me.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?" He asked concerned. "Is there someone you can call?"

I suddenly got a little irritated over the questions, discerning the notion he thought I wasn't composed enough to go home on my own. But maybe I was more irritated at the fact that he was right.

"No, but I'm fine," I said wryly and half lied.

"Maybe I should take you home," he stated as he let go of me and then he put both hands in his coat pockets. "I wouldn't feel right leaving you if I didn't know you got home safely."

Ahhh. The safety thing again. Was this beautiful man my personal bodyguard now? As little as I knew about Edward, I didn't feel in danger or at risk around him, but rather the opposite. I was beginning to feel I wouldn't be in any danger if Edward was near me. I had never gone inside any bar on my own without Alice before, and we always left together. But I was sure I could have gone home just fine if it wasn't for that darn beer mug.

"I drove here." I left some cash on the bar and started to walk towards the exit.

"I'll drive you home and then take a cab back," he insisted, following right behind me.

I stopped at the door and turned to face him. I sighed and my shoulders slouched in defeat as he reached his hand out with his palms up. I reached into purse and pulled out my keys.

"Alright," I agreed and dropped the keys in his possession.

We walked out to my car and without a word Edward immediately opened the passenger side door for me to get in. If was I blushing, I hoped it was masked by my already flushed appearance. I quickly scanned around my car in case I had left anything embarrassing behind. I sighed in relief, glad that I had clean out my car during my last storage trip. Edward got into the driver side and took an extra few seconds to do the same scanning thing to the dashboard.

"It's an automatic."

He turned to me and smile with just the corner of his lips. "I think I got it." He turned on the ignition and the headlights. He was about to pull into the street when he turned back to me. "Seatbelt?"

I grabbed it immediately and clicked it.

"You'll have to tell me where to take you," he said. As I gave him directions, I glanced at his graceful movements; turning on the windshield wipers to wipe away the rain residue, shifting from park to drive, and maneuvering my steering wheel. The way he looked on both sides of the next street before turning. It was no longer raining, but I could tell he was still being very careful. Watching him drive my car was like meditation in motion. But more than that, I felt safe. And it was Edward. _He is driving me home or lack thereof._

"You live with Alice?" He questioned as he turned on to her street.

"Yeah, she's letting me stay with her for the time being, before I find another place," I answered tiredly as I yawned. 'I'm kind of crashing at the moment. I finished the last of my moving today."

Edward parked my car on the driveway and I got out right away, not waiting to see if he was planning to come around to open my door for me again. I didn't want to appear that helpless, even if he would do it to be polite.

"Let me call you a cab," I offered as I went to open the front door.

"Thank you." He lingered on the driveway with his hands in his coat pockets again.

After I called a cab, I went back outside to see Edward sitting in the front curb next to the mailbox. I walked up to where he was and sat on the curb next to him. He turned his head in my direction but didn't look up.

"You don't' have to wait," he said. "You must be tired."

"Don't be ridiculous," I retorted in a whisper. "You've got plenty of brownie points with me."

He chuckled lightly. "I've earned some brownie points?"

"Yes, specifically for keeping me out of harm's way." I responded. "Two points each."

"It's not really my forte, you know." He said quietly.

Edward pursed his lips in hard line and didn't say anymore. He just kept staring at the pavement and I could see the same despondent look in his eyes he had the day he grabbed me off the streets. I was a little taken back that he didn't say anything after that, but I let it be. I hugged my knees and rested my chin on them, while we waited. The sunset was already gone, and the night grew dark.

"I've wanted to ask you something," he turned to me again. Then I saw how his green eyes reflected off the moonlight for the first time. I smiled at how they transformed into something of an inquisitive coyness and it made my heart beat a little faster.

"Ask away," I replied as I tried to suppress another yawn.

"What inspired you to paint _Sunset on the Beach?" _

I had to pause on that one; it was definitely not a question I expected. "I was at a beach once when I was a little girl, with my parents," I looked up to see Edward resting his head on his arms and was looking back at me with the most serene expression. "I remember running on the sandy beach, getting sun burnt and watching the waves crashing onto the sand. I remember the smell of salt water in the air, and the breeze that tangled up my hair in knots. It took my mother forever trying to untangle it all. The sunset was my favorite part. How it made the water sparkle like a million diamonds. And the sky, how it depicted exactly what heaven suppose to look like."

"And so you painted something about your past?" Edward asked.

"Yes, but I didn't want to overwhelm my entire canvas with that image," I explained. "I want it to be like a secret hideaway, something like a hidden treasure. Like a place where you trekked through some thick and thin get to. And on the other side…bliss."

The cab headlights turned into Alice's street and we both stood up. Edward walked over to the cab and said something to the driver from the window. Then he walked back over to me and I could feel my chest heaving faster as he got closer. He stopped just at an arm's length away. I felt my body tingle as I thought momentarily I was going to feel his body heat, but a light breeze chilled the space in between us.

"Thank you for that, Bella," he said to me. "I'm glad you told me."

I smiled and he smiled back before returning to the cab. I stood there on the curb and watched it drive away into the darkness before walking back into the house.

**A/N: They keep running into each other! Like magnets! **

**Chapter song "This is Not a Love Song" by Nouvelle Vague**


	10. Chapter 8 Always Warm

**Dual POVs...**

**Chapter 8 Always ****Warm**

_**--Bella**_

A gaping hole in my chest. So this is what heartache feels like. Am I really mourning the end of a relationship or am I living and breathing now with something unfulfilled inside of me? For another week, I plagued my days with thoughts of the reason why I left Jacob. I knew the main part was that I didn't want my life to go any further into his life. The type of life with his kind of weather, his kind of circumstances, and his kind of happiness. It was a deflection of my own contentment that I constantly argued in my head. I told myself that in the long run, it wouldn't have worked out. Jacob did not deserve to have me in slow deterioration, to still love him and yet, no longer be in love with him. And I wondered if there was someone better out there for me. Even when I was still with Jacob, I wondered. But safety I stood in my own known world, in this quaint town with the one man I've only been with. And I did not dare risk it all, until I found my epiphany in a random doodle derived from a dream I do not remember. It was then my actions were finally driven by a change inside of me, a change to not be afraid of new beginnings and to start it by my own terms. I could feel a focus that was emerging, but I couldn't place a definite explanation for it. I just knew that my will to be free to find it and discover it would have to be on my own. I would trust myself to allow that force or energy to move me, and then hopefully, I would be somewhere outside this desolation.

Until then, I'm alone and unfulfilled. And I've got this tiny jar of hope that I'm trying to hold on to so dearly as time passes. I've got nothing else.

I opened my hardcover journal and flipped all the blanks pages inside. Finding it depressing to see I haven't made any progress after my earlier endeavors, I closed it shut then tossed it on the coffee table. It wasn't that I wanted more dreams to decide my fate. I wanted to know if my subconscious wanted to give me any advice. Or maybe I wanted an inner fortune cookie telling me what my future can hold should I choose it.

But I had no more dreams with any warm feelings. I had little to recall in the morning or in the middle of the night and the dreams I did have were mostly nonsense or about random items that had happened earlier that day. Like lunch with Alice on top of the mountains instead of the bistro, or taking the apple I had eaten in the morning and tossing it into outer space. Nonsense of which I didn't see any significance in.

_Destiny mumbo-jumbo. _I wasn't even sure if I believed in that myself.

There was a fall chill lingering in the house and the window in Alice's living room was letting in this bright sunlight that made it feel cozier. I was wrapped up in the chenille blanket on her couch again as I always did most nights. But today's cordial weather didn't call for an old movie to watch. I was in a Walden moment immersed in pure solitude, mulling over my congested thoughts of hopeful things and the rationale behind my heartache.

After about an hour and too mentally exhausted with my ruminating, I decided to try to calm myself by listening to the sounds outside the window. A bird was chirping. So loudly I thought that maybe it had gotten itself inside the living room somehow. The chirping sounded cheery, almost rejoicing. _How I envy even you, bird. _I rested my head on the pillow and stared at the room glowing with sunlight.

_The cherry blossom trees around me were sprouting from the ground up in fast forward motion, blooming hundreds of tiny green buds on every branch to pale pink flowers in small clusters. I walked down the empty dirt road as the trees around me broke from the earth and germinated to full form. There was no familiarity to this place, but I wasn't afraid. Petals were falling effortlessly and I could feel the silky touch of it on my hands. There was a strong wind and I closed my eyes to take in the scent of the sweet floral aroma around my face. This simple walk through the trees was heightening my senses and awakening my being. It was so lovely. I opened my eyes to see a sunrise in the distance where the road ahead and the cherry blossom trees that lined it seemed endless. More swirls of petals surrounded me as the breeze picked up. Suddenly a hand grasped my hand. Our fingers intertwined and I felt the warmth from the touch spread throughout my body. A faceless man again stood next to me, holding my hand. I stopped walking to stare at the sunrise ahead of us. He leaned into my ear and I felt his warm breath gently permeating in my hair and breathing in my scent. And then he whispered. _

"_Hello Bella."_

I shuddered and pull my hand away. There was a sharp pain coming from it now. The trees were flipped on their side and the petals had disappeared. Dark shadows drew silhouettes of strange shapes and angles on a blank ceiling. For a second I was disoriented, not knowing where I was. Until I sat up and saw that I was still on Alice's couch in the living room. I rubbed my throbbing hand and looked to the floor to see my journal lying there. I must have swatted it off the table before waking up. Before I woke up from my dream.

I dreamed again.

I hastily grabbed the journal and flipped it open. Frantic, I realized that I didn't have a pen on me. I got up, nearly tripping over the blanket as it fell, and ran over to the kitchen. I pulled open the desk drawer and picked out any writing instrument I could use. I leaned over the countertop with the journal open in one hand and a black marker I had found in the other. I pressed my memory for a recollection. _It was just a second ago. Remember._

Trees. Blooming.

Flower petals. Smell.

Sunrise. Warm.

Someone. Said hello.

I vigorously tapped the pen on the countertop, waiting impatiently for anymore images to come to mind. Someone. It was a man. Some guy. Did I know him? Where was I? I couldn't say. Frustrated that nothing else was popping up to answer my self-imposed questions, I gave up and closed my journal. I hated how this insidious inference was making me. Was I really reaching out to grab something nonexistent again? Maybe this is getting to be a bit silly. Shaking off my short tempered aggravation, I reopened it to look back at what I had written.

_I'll just have to work with this._

Trees. A larger, taller similar association to grass maybe. I do love how the trees grow so proudly here.

Flowers. I do love flowers and the sweet smell of it.

Sunrise. Or maybe it was a sunset. I did fall asleep right before the sun was setting.

A man. I was more confused with this because I didn't want to believe it was Jacob. It would make sense because I was still trying to get over our breakup. But it didn't feel right.

I went back to the living room to curl up on the couch again and tucked the journal under the cushions just as Alice walked in from the front door.

"Bella?" She called to me as she closed the door shut.

"On the couch."

She came around the corner of the wall and she tossed her jacket on the armchair. I hadn't expected Alice to come home so early. She and Jasper made plans to hike the local trails all day and I figured she would still be with him for dinner.

"Oh, hey," She greeted me with a pout. "You stayed in all afternoon again?"

"Yes, but it was good afternoon," I pointed out. "I had a nice nap."

"Don't you already get enough sleep?" Alice whined in disapproval. "You need to get out, Bella."

"I'm fine, Alice," I protested. "Really." Alice came to sit next to me on the couch, shaking her head in disbelief. "Seriously, it was really relaxing." I could see Alice didn't want to argue even though she wasn't convinced.

"Okay," Alice's expression was in begging mode now. "Please come out tonight?"

I scrunched my face in half-hearted consideration; I was not particularly excited to leave this couch, but nonetheless humored her. "What are you going to do?"

"We can hit up the Main Street brewery or the packing building," Alice raised her brows in a gleeful hope. "I'll make it your choice."

I hated disappointing Alice, but social outings were always a gamble with me. I either went for it or adamantly protested depending on where and what Alice had in mind. I don't prefer house or dinner parties, mainly for the reason that the setting was too intimate and mostly encompassed people I hardly knew. I couldn't be alone even if I wanted to without someone coming up to me trying to strike up conversations I had no aptitude for. Alice is always good at those kinds of social gatherings. So is Jacob. But I'm not.

I was betting Alice, knowing my preference, was upping her chances with me leaning towards going out now that I had my choice of either public spot. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. I know she only has good intentions.

"Sure," I agreed. "Let's go to the brewery."

"Cool, I'm gonna take a shower and get ready," Alice perked up and then lightly patted my hair. "And I think you'll need a shower, too. Or at least fix your hair."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry, I'll be presentable."

Alice got up and walked to the hallway, stopping right at the wall and turned around to me again.

"Would you mind if Jasper came along?" Alice asked sheepishly.

"Not at all, Alice," I gave her a reassuring look and for emphasis jokingly teased her. "I'm actually kind of curious what level of PDA you guys are at by now. Or are you guys still giving each other noogies?"

Alice faked her laugh. "Ha ha, very funny."

--

Alice and I walked into the crowded brewery with the bar side packed full of people. Alice motioned me to follow her to the right side of the wall where the booths were. We usually didn't take a booth if it was just me and Alice, but we weren't alone this time. Weaving through the crowds, we walked closer to the table, and I felt my eyes slowly widen as I saw sitting next to Jasper in the booth, was Edward Cullen. How strange it had to be this bar where I'd run into him again. I decided quickly I would not drink beer tonight.

"Wassup, ladies!" Jasper greeted us with his booming voice. He got up and slid over to give Alice and I room to sit. "You know Edward, right Bella?"

"Uh, yes," I stammered, looking his way, but avoiding Edward's luscious green eyes. "I do."

"Alice, this is Edward," Jasper pointed in his direction. "I don't believe you've been formally introduce."

"Pleasure to meet you finally," Edward extended a hand out to Alice.

"Likewise," Alice replied as she took his hand. _Still a gentleman_.

"I left this guy pretty much high and dry last week when I had to go help Alice tow her car out of the mud," Jasper explained. "So I owed this guy a beer."

"Yes, that you do," Edward glanced my way with a slight gleam in his eye, making me blush recalling last Saturday night. "I'll take a large mug of that autumn ale."

"You got it," Jasper snap-pointed his fingers and called the server over. "Bella…Alice? Anything for you, ladies?"

"I'd like your favorite ale too, but in the smaller mug," Alice answered flirtatiously in Jasper's ear.

"I'd like a coke," I replied. I was not up to embarrassing myself in front of Edward again.

After we got our drinks, Edward and I listened attentively as Jasper and Alice took turns telling us about their hiking trip. I was in good spirits as I saw how happy they interacted together, holding hands and sitting close shoulder to shoulder. The other reason for my good mood was that I was sitting directly on the opposite side where Edward sat, and I took that advantage to look up every now and then to glance at him. He appeared to be in good spirits as well and was smiling the same. I especially like how I'd catch him running his hand through his thick bronzed hair.

---

My cell phone rang and from my caller ID, it was Jacob. Startled by his phone call, I quickly excused myself away with the best fake smile I could put on before Alice saw that anything was off. "Sorry, I'll take this outside."

I slid out of the booth and contained myself to not run out the door by taking long strides as I flipped my cell phone open to answer it.

"Hello," I whispered loudly when I got outside.

"Bella, it's Jacob." His voice was calm, with no trace of apprehension. It almost hurt to hear him so monotone, no emotions.

"Hi, Jacob."

"Hi. How are you?"

"I'm fine, just out with Alice." I didn't think it was necessary to tell him any details.

"Oh, should I call back?"

"No, go ahead. What's going on?" There was a long pause from him and it was beginning to make me nervous. "Jacob?"

"Are you all set with your things?" He asked me as if it was a business ordeal.

I sighed, almost regretting picking up his call. "Yes, I am."

"Okay, good, I'm coming back in a few days to clean out mine and start the move to New York." He continued with his business voice. "I wanted to make sure you had all your things by then."

A stab or a pinch swelled in my chest and I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm done, don't worry."

"Bella," Jacob softened his voice. "I don't know how to say this but…"

"Yes?"

"Ummm…I was given a sixty-day satisfaction agreement on the…uhh – "

I heard immediately what Jacob was trying to imply. I stopped him short so I could hear no more of this chest wrenching closure of us. "I left it there, Jacob. With my key."

"Oh, alright. Thank you." He was silent for a long moment.

And now I was confused. _Was he over me already? Or was he trying to mask it with this nonchalant act? _I really didn't know Jacob anymore. But I was still saddened by our unforeseen departure, so I did what I knew I could do that still made sense to me. I know this much is true.

"I'm so sorry we had to leave like this," I let my guard down and apologized. "I wish we could have made it work. I still care about you. But I had to do it, because it was for me. But it hasn't been easy."

I heard Jacob heave a heavy sigh. "I know that now, Bella. It wasn't the right time. And I put you in place where you deserved more, but I couldn't give it to you. But know that I still care about you, and I always will."

I nodded silently without a word, because my throat choked up and I felt hot tears streaming down my face now.

"Bella?"

I thought about the note I had left Jacob back in the apartment last week. I had said the same thing. Almost.

"Jacob, I have to go," I croaked out in a whisper. "Take care." I flipped my cell phone closed before I could hear Jacob's voice again. I angrily wiped my tears away.

Standing on the sidewalk, I wrapped my arms around myself for some comfort to calm down. I didn't know why I got so emotional, but it wasn't the kind that made me feel guilty anymore. It was making me feel vulnerable. I hadn't expected Jacob to sound so impassive in our conversation, or more poignantly, unmoved about not having me anymore. And when he asked about the engagement ring, it was like a stab in my heart. I know I would never keep it for any reason. I had let our relationship go, and I had no right to have it as keepsake and dishonor its meaning, but hearing Jacob acknowledging that fact was too painful. And it was strange to have it mixed in with his declaration that he still cared about me. What a wacky blend of emotions. The night chill swept over me in a light breeze and I welcomed it as I waited for my aching to dissipate. I heard my name again.

"Bella."

I turned around to find Edward slipping out from the front door of the brewery. Stunned by his appearance, I quickly turned away to wipe away any remnants of my tear stains.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he took a few steps towards me.

**_--Edward_**

The second I saw Bella's face twisted in agony and her arms around her waist, she turned away from me to wipe her face. I shoved my hands in my pea coat, immediately feeling bad that I must have interrupted something personal. But I couldn't leave without asking if she was alright. If she denied it, it would be obvious that she didn't want to tell me and I would leave her alone.

But Bella stood motionless without an answer, still turned away from me, and I couldn't see her face. Her brown hair picked up in the breeze and I caught a scent of it towards me. It was amazingly pleasant and there was a tug in my chest to get closer. But I didn't want to move anymore without letting her know I was still here next to her.

"Bella?"

Her head slumped down and I was suddenly worried. She didn't have any beer, so she couldn't be drunk. I swiftly stepped up right beside her to see her face, flushed red cheeks with swollen eyes from crying. She was sniffling and staring absentmindedly on the ground.

"Sorry, I'm taking so long," she muffled, still not looking up at me. "I'll go back in a bit."

"Do you want me to tell them you'll be in a minute?" I quietly asked her, hoping she would look up. But she didn't and only gave me a tight nod. I was about to walk back, when she called out to me.

"Edward, wait."

I turned to Bella again and saw her expression now changed from sorrowful to discomfort and worry.

"Yes?" I responded, wondering what she wanted from me, and I scanned myself to see if there was anything appropriate that I could do to comfort her somehow.

Without a word, she slowly walked to me until we were only inches apart. With her arms still around her waist, she slowly leaned in towards me. Alarmed but instinctively, I took my hands out of my pockets and opened my arms to catch her in my embrace. Her hair was right under my chin and the stronger scent of it made my head spin. It smelled of vanilla and flowers, and I couldn't help but enjoy her aroma so close to me. I gently placed both of my arms around her frail and limp body, resting my hands on the small of her back. And I felt so _protecting _as I held her. She must have taken some real bad news. It made me think back to the last weekend when I found here her alone with a beer.

"Why are you so warm?" She asked in a muffled voice as her face was half buried in the sleeve of my coat.

"You don't have a jacket on." Careful to not tread over any boundaries in our close proximity. "Do you want mine?"

She shook her head against my shoulder and sighed. "You are always warm."

I thought about that for a moment. This was not the first time she was in my arms and I was surprised that she remembered and the feeling of it as well.

"It's a human thing," I joked, hoping to cheer her up from whatever that had upset her earlier.

She leaned back away from me as I slipped my arms out to free her. "Thanks. I needed that."

I smiled, letting her know it was no big deal. "You're alright now?"

"I'm better," she returned a small smile, but there was something in her face that showed she was still bothered. Her brown eyes were obviously distraught with her forced smile. "Sorry, I kind of broke down in front of you like that."

"Don't worry about it." I kept up my expression as soft as I could to reassure her.

She shook her head in silent discord and then walked back into the brewery, and I followed right behind her. We walked straight to our booth and before I could slide back in, Bella stood in front of me, blocking my way.

"Alice, I'm not feeling all that great," she said nonchalantly. "I don't want to bum you guys out, but do you mind if I leave early?"

Alice got up from her seat, grabbing her purse and was about to slide out from the booth when Bella interrupted with her hands in front to stop her from moving out. "Actually, Edward is going to take me home. So you two can still stay."

_What? I'm taking Bella home? _

"Are you sure?" Alice gave her a puzzled expression, and then turned to me for an answer.

Bella turned around to face me with her back to Alice and quickly mouthed the word 'please.'

"Yes, I'm – going to make sure she gets home alright," I answered with a nod to Alice.

"Alright… I'll see you later?" Alice slowly sat back down in her seat, as she kept her eyes on me.

"Yeah," Bella sighed with another forced smile and then she turned to Jasper. "Good night, Jasper."

We waved our good-byes and I walked out following Bella, not sure what she meant when she said I was taking her home. I was afraid to complicate her spontaneous plans, but I had to tell her that I didn't have a car. "Bella…"

"I'm so sorry, again, but I just want to go home, and I didn't want to pull Alice away from Jasper and for some strange reason…you're just so calming to be around, it's weird and infectious," Bella rambled on with her arms flaring out and her brows furrowed. "I promise, I owe you one. "

"Bella, I don't have a car with me," I answered sheepishly. "We have to get a cab."

"Is it okay if we walk?" She didn't seem worried by it at all. "You know where I live, it's not that far."

"Of course," I replied without hesitation, letting Bella lead and feeling pretty sure she knew how to get around better than I did. I watched as her face smoothed to a grateful expression. She started down the sidewalk and I followed right behind her, remembering what she said about my calming aura.

**A/N: Pairing songs for the pairing POVs in this chapter… "I Could Say" by Lily Allen & "Goodbye, Apathy" by One Republic. **


	11. Chapter 9 Open Narratives

**Long chapter, but all Edward and Bella. Dual POVs again. **

**Chapter 9 Open Narratives**

-Edward

"I'm going through a breakup," Bella said unhappily to me as we walked down the sidewalk side by side. "It's was a serious relationship. And it was my ex I was just on the phone with earlier." Bella shook her head dejectedly. "The conversation wasn't so pleasant, hence my breakdown."

I was a little shocked at her personal confession. I knew, from Jasper, that this was no ordinary breakup. Bella was no longer engaged. We had been walking in our subdue silence for almost ten minutes under the moonlit sky, but I'm relieved that there was now an explanation behind our sudden embrace earlier at the brewery. And I didn't have a response so I left my mouth stiff, urging my brain to come up with something sympathetically applicable without offending her. But all that came out was a generic response.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I replied sincerely.

"You know it was only a few weeks ago that I was someone's fiancé. I was about to have major obligations in my life I thought I was ready for. It felt right at the time. And now, that I look back, I realize that it only felt safe." She twitched her expression to make it appear that she was upset at herself for this reason. But she continued on with her existential oration. "I went along with what I felt comfortable with for the longest time and maybe that's why our relationship was adequate all along. Like how you get used to something for a while, that it just becomes second nature. But I knew something was missing. A tiny piece that… I couldn't describe, until…" She faded off and didn't finish her sentence. "I was afraid if we dragged on like that, we would just be perfect strangers."

Bella chuckled humorlessly and spun around to face me as she walked backwards.

"You must think I'm crazy - me telling you all this." But after a few steps her heel rolled over a loose rock and I saw that she was falling back. I quickly reached out to grab her with both arms before she could hit the ground and pulled her up toward me to regain her balance. She looked up at me with something in her eyes that reflected the same way after I had pull her off the street. Although it was many days ago, her deep brown eyes always stirred an apprehension inside me every time I looked into them and I held her for a brief second before letting her go.

"I don't think you're crazy at all," I promptly opposed her earlier statement with a smile. "Just a little clumsy maybe."

"Thanks," she shyly replied and I saw a rosy blush form in her cheeks even under the faint moonlight.

"You know…a breakup is not an easy situation for anyone," I continued the conversation, even though I still amused by her facial reaction to her awkward trip, but I didn't want her to be any more uncomfortable.

"Hmm, anyone," she scoffed the last word as if she didn't agree, which made me feel a little shot down, but then she looked up to glance at me with her brown droopy eyes, and my heart went out to her again. "Or for some people."

She shrugged it off. "I don't know. It was like a guarantee that I didn't deserve from him, and in reciprocal, lacking of something… _something_ that _I_ didn't deserve. I mean, aren't we all worthy to have the full capacity of happiness?" She stared at me with all of her conviction in this simple truth and I was sure no sane person would deny it.

"Absolutely," I agreed with her wholly. Her piece of wisdom presented a dash more of hope that I was glad to hear. "Do what makes you happy, and definitely be with someone who can do the same for you."

"Sometimes I don't know if I'm letting time eat at me slowly or if time is being too gradual with the 'moving on' process, so it's a bit difficult to find that happy place right now," Bella spoke softly.

"Then you let time be on your side, even if it's no quick relief," I said it without heavy thought as if someone else could have said that and have it meant for me as well. "And when you find that place, it'll be like what you mean about your painting…bliss."

Bella gave me a small smile.

"Seeing how I come out of this is the scariest part," Bella contemplated aloud. "Am I still going to be me? Or am I going to be this lonely crazy woman?"

Before I could think of a reply, we reached the end of Alice's driveway. Bella stopped a few steps after the curb and turned to face me. I had not gone inside the house before, so I assumed this is where she would offer to call a cab for me. But the expression on her face, lingering with nervousness, told me she had something else to ask me.

"Can I make you some tea?" She asked me as she drummed her fingers on the key chains in her hand. I noticed this was something she did often when she had something on her mind.

_Was she asking me inside…to wait for a cab? _ _It could be harmless, right?_

"Okay," I replied with some reservations in the back of my mind being careful to stay within propriety. Bella was still in a vulnerable state, and I would not withstand being a faulty gentleman if I couldn't keep her at ease. I had to uphold her belief in my calming effects.

And I was also tempted to be with her little longer. _I could keep it light. _"Do you have chamomile?"

The nervousness that was so obvious before now disappeared and a smiled appeared. And then she burst out a loud laugh. "You drink chamomile?" I just shrugged, and she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I have some. Come inside."

We walked inside the house and through the entry that lead to the kitchen on the right and beyond the foyer, to an open living room with high ceilings, fully decorated with plush furniture.

"You can have a seat on the couch," Bella motioned to the massive sofa in the middle of the room. "I'll be just a few minutes in the kitchen."

"Alice has a nice place," I commented as I took a seat on the edge of the sofa.

"Yeah, she's a stringent girl when it comes to fashion and style," Bella responded from the kitchen. "No trends go unturned when it comes to her."

After a few minutes, I was feeling comfortable enough to lean deep into the plush of the sofa cushions. But something sharp poked into the side of me and I immediately jumped away. I pushed the cushion apart from the arm and found a hardcover book stuffed in between. Figuring that it might have been a lost item, I pulled it out and placed it on the coffee table.

Bella walked in with two steaming mugs in hand and halted in place for a second. I noticed that she caught sight of the book I had pulled out from the sofa before coming over to hand me a mug without eye contact.

"I found it stuffed in between the sofa cushion," I quickly explained, pointing to the book on the coffee table.

"Um, thanks." She slowly took it with both hands and moved it to the far end of the fireplace mantle. I thought it was a little strange what she did since there were no other books placed there, and it made me think that, maybe it wasn't a lost book at all. She took a seat on the other side of the coffee table across from me and silently sipped her mug. I caught sight of her fingers drum against her mug for a brief moment. And then a slight smile came from the corner of her lips before taking another sip.

We sat there quietly with our chamomiles, seeping in the cool and calm of the night, with no tensions left to bear. I could see Bella appeared a million times more relaxed now since the brewery. And despite my earlier precautious measures, I was beginning to believe that Bella was really at ease with me nearby and that my presence didn't pose any adverse impressions. I was making her feel better. And that was making me feel very good inside.

"When did you move here?" Bella interrupted our silence.

"Umm…about a month ago," I carefully took another long sip of my tea.

"How do you like it so far?" She asked with her curious brown eyes staring straight into mine. It made me stall momentarily.

"I like it so far," I replied with a sincere smile. "It's a nice change of scenery. Less hustle and bustle of things."

"It most definitely is," she agreed in a monotone voice. And then she enlightened me more of her thought. "Some people come to a place like this to vacation, as a get-away, or to retire. I mean, look around you." She motioned her hand toward the window. "There's pine trees, dirt, birds, mountains, blue skies…and I've been here most of my life. I grew up here as a kid and now I'm an adult, living my life like my world around me hasn't changed much. And I'm okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I would love to still see the world. But this is my home." She grinned at me like she was proud of it and it made me glad that this town I've chosen to come to is a better bet than I thought.

"So, you don't mind growing old and grey here?"

"Under the right circumstances….no, I wouldn't mind," she said thoughtfully.

"Right circumstances?" I hedged on.

"Well, old and grey is fine," she repeated and then lowered her voice. "But not lonely."

I nodded understandably. My mug was now empty and I was beginning to wonder how long Bella intended me to stay. I could see that she was alright, but I wasn't sure if she still wanted my company.

"'I would hate to grow old alone," I mumbled in response. I had the same realization that loneliness was not an option. Who would want to live life without someone to share it with?

"More tea?" Bella asked me with some hope in her eyes. She still wanted my company.

"Yes, please," I replied willingly as she reached out to take my mug.

"You know, I've been going on about my troubles and I don't know any of yours," Bella exclaimed from the kitchen. "Are you a fugitive or something?"

"Not a theft, not a bank robber," I playfully replied. Bella returned with a vexed look on her face. She carefully placed the mug on the coffee table and stared at me with a suspecting eye.

"Then who are you?"

I knew I had to let Bella know more about me and that I wasn't just a friend of Jasper's. I owed her more than that. She had already confided in me enough to see me trustworthy. I could be her friend too.

"I didn't move here," I began slowly. "I'm sort of on a long term vacation."

"Oh." Bella took a sip of her tea and waited for me to continue.

I took a deep breath and let some more out. "After I finished college back home, I quit my job and came here to be away for a while."

"So you're on a hiatus."

"Something like that."

I could tell Bella wanted to know more, as she shifted her eyes away from me and stared into her mug and she started to drum her fingers again through the handle. I waited to see what questions she had in mind. I decided that it was easier for me to answer Bella's question rather than try to narrate any lengthy storytelling. I wasn't sure how much I was ready for that.

"Where's home?" She finally asked, and she looked up at me with her coaxing brown eyes.

"In Los Angeles, by the beach." I said shortly. I couldn't help it. Once I told her that, it was like I had opened a window for her to ask me about anything now. My family, my school, my friends…my past.

"You live by the beach?" She said with eyes brightened.

"Yeah, I did." I used my living status in the past tense, even though Bella suspected that I still lived there. She was, however, still under the impression that I was only visiting here.

"Wow, this is really a change of scenery," she commented. "Is it strange, not having what you know around?"

"No," I replied solemnly. "It's actually a relief. Like a rest stop." Bella then turned to look at me with an astonished expression on her face and I was afraid that maybe she took it the wrong way. "I didn't mean to be offensive…I just meant that I needed the change in pace…"

"No – I get what you mean," Bella interrupted with a warm tone. "Trust me, I've been there before."

A low rumbling came from outside, and for a second I thought the house had moved. I sat still, waiting to see if it was what I expected. Another low rumbling and I almost prepared myself for swift movement. But I saw that Bella sat unmoved in her chair, so I stayed stiff where I was on the sofa.

"Earthquake?" I half guessed, although I knew better it probably wasn't.

Bella sighed and then put her mug down to walk over to the window. "No. Thunderstorm."

She walked back into the kitchen and I got up to follow her.

"I'd better call Alice to see where she is," She picked up the phone and started to dial. "Hey, Alice, where are you?" Bella looked at me with some concern and then relief washed over. "Oh, okay. That's fine. No, I'm alright. Well, I'll – hello?" She glanced at the handset confused and then placed her ear back on. "Hello? Alice?"

She hung up the phone and tried to dial again. "Great. Phone line's gone." She then turned to me. "Do you have a cell phone on you?"

I knew when I moved here I wanted to be totally isolated. Even unreachable by any means of all communication. No emails, no phone calls. I especially didn't want people calling me, wanting to find out by their sheer curiosity how I was doing. Or rather dealing. I had only given my mother the address to the cottage in case of urgent emergency, knowing full well she would only contact me if such event was necessary. Other than that, I had disconnected my cell phone and never reactivated a new one when I came here. I didn't think of actually needed one for myself while I was here. I didn't even have my car.

"Sorry, I don't," I regretfully replied.

Bella pursed her lips and stood there thinking. "I cancelled mine with Jacob's last week," she mumbled.

"Is Alice alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, she's fine," Bella answered with a vacant look on her face. "She's at Jasper's."

A louder rumbling came from outside again followed by some thunder, and then it was apparent that rain began to fall harder by the pounding sound on the roof. From the corner of my eye, I saw that the living room windows flashed a bright glow from behind the lightweight curtains and then the crackling sound of lightning boomed. I flinched at the sound of it. This is definitely not the kind of weather I was used to back home.

"Are you okay?" Bella jolted me again with her sudden worry in me.

"Yeah," My answer came out a little more hesitant then I wanted to sound.

"I'm sorry, Edward," Bella said apologetically. "I shouldn't have kept you here so long." She had a worried look on her face. "But it's really not safe to be outside right now. Especially on the road."

I slowly let out a deep breath. I had not thought this far ahead to be here alone with Bella, this late into the night, let alone during a thunderstorm. And the abrupt change in weather was not helping me in any way to keep me calm. The sounds and sights of what was happening outside suddenly made me feel uneasy about something from my past. I hated storms. Or moreover, I hated how it created dangerous conditions for unwanted situations. Situations that caused carelessness into tragedies. And although this isn't one of those unwanted situations because I was safe and dry inside a house, and on the upside, I also couldn't help but feel delighted that I was still in the company of Bella. I recomposed myself, hoping I wasn't giving too much away.

"So you're not going to kick me out in the rain, right?" I chuckled amusingly.

"No, definitely not," she said sternly. And then she smiled at me sheepishly. "You're going to have to be a prisoner here a little longer."

I smiled back. "I wouldn't call it being held captive if you are only keeping me out of harm's way."

We retreated back to the living room and instead of returning to the arm chair, Bella took a seat at the other end of the sofa, opposite of me. She took off her shoes and lifted her legs up to hug them as she faced me. She raised her eyebrows slightly and was eyeing my way as she lifted her chin, urging me to do the same thing.

A little apprehensive at the fact I was still here and alone with Bella, I didn't shy away from the other fact that I wanted to be with her some more. I bent over and untied my shoe laces, carefully slipped them off my feet and slid my legs over on top of the cushions, matching Bella's same position. She smiled, satisfied that I had correctly done what she silently wanted me to do. And then with one swift movement of her arm, she flipped the chenille blanket from the head of the sofa over and covered us both under it.

"Better?" Bella asked coaxingly.

To my surprised, I felt as if the tables had turned and it was now Bella, who was trying to comfort me. She must have sensed something was off. Not that I was afraid of a little thunder and lightning, but if that is what she thinks is bothering me, I would let her. This unexpected thunderstorm had me thinking of an unpleasant memory and I didn't want to change my entire mood in front of her.

"Yeah." I whispered more relaxed now then I was a minute ago. "Thanks."

We had a few feet of space in between us on the sofa, but there wasn't any awkwardness. We sat there together snug and safe inside while a thunderous storm was looming outside. The blanket was covering us in a way that was symbolic of our seemingly inhabited security of each other, keeping us warm and, in a sense, connected. There was a level of comfort that was beginning to form between us and I could hope that Bella was feeling the same way.

-Bella

Edward appeared less anxious now then he was before when the thunderstorm began. Being in these neck of the woods, the Sierra Nevada region boasts some monstrous storms; more dangerous than in other plains because of the higher elevation, tall forestry and open fields. Many people, especially those who aren't familiar with the area, will not know to take serious caution. And by the look in Edward's eyes earlier, he definitely did not know.

Another bolt of lightning flashed, followed by the piercing roar of thunder, and my eyes immediately glanced to Edward. He didn't flinch this time.

"It usually doesn't last too long," I assured him.

He smiled. "It's okay. It's just a more magnified version than I'm used to."

Even though I knew the worst part could be over soon, I secretly hoped this storm would last all night. There was more that I wanted to know about Edward and the longer I had this chance, I was in a place that took me away from my troubled thoughts. "Can I ask you something?" I bit my lower lip.

Edward looked absorbed in thought, but did not appear bothered by my question. "Go for it."

"Are you frightened by this storm?"

And with the strangest reaction I could expect, Edward laughed at me. "That's your question?"

He glanced up at the ceiling with a whimsical expression on his face as he lightly chuckled again. I furrowed my brows, now feeling a little bothered by his reaction. Does he think my question was childish? I was really serious for asking him. How was I to know if any of this was too traumatic or not.

"I'm sorry, I thought the question was going to be more involved than that," he replied after seeing the confused look on my face. "But to answer your question…not anymore."

I had to laugh at myself after that. I didn't mean to ask Edward in such a way that I would ask a four-year-old. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I wanted to know if Edward was afraid of being next to me, if it wasn't this weather. But if he wasn't afraid of the storm or even me, then what was it that had bothered him before? I wanted to ask, but decided this was not the best time.

"Good," I mumbled and then teased him back mocking his previous muse. "And I didn't even have to make any sudden or unexpected moves on you."

Edward just smile crookedly at me as he slightly shook his head in amusement.

Unable to control my yawning, I leaned my head against the back of the plush sofa with my body slumped in the nook of the corner spot. My breathing became steady and my eyes were fixated on the blanket that Edward and I were sharing, covering both of our legs. I imagined it was like we were two peas in a pod. The resonance of thunder grew fainter as the flicker of lights softened to a fluorescent spotlight in the night darkness. The rain diminished its rampage to just a rapid trickle on the roof top that echoed like cheerful chitter-chatter. I suspected that the storm was moving away in the distance now. I thought that soon I would have to say good night to Edward. We would have to get off of this sofa and say our good byes. Edward probably wanted to go home hours ago, and I had no good reason for him to stay any longer.

But I felt so warm again.

And the light buzzing remnants of the storm was transforming into a soothing sound. Like a lullaby.

Was there red lightning glaring behind my eyes? The storm isn't over? No sound of thunder.

Groggy, I twisted myself toward the back of the sofa and buried my face into the cushion, not wanting to believe the weather was still acting up. As I stretched my body with my arms above my head to my feet pointed out, I felt my toes jam into a warm body part. Stricken with unsuspecting fear and before I could tell what it was, I heard his voice.

"Ouugh!" I heard him groaned in pain. I sat up immediately and brought my hands to my mouth, gasping in horror. I had accidently kicked Edward in the groin, not knowing he was still on the opposite end of the sofa. He rolled to his side with a grimace on his face.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized and feeling extra awful that not only he had woken up to finding himself not in his own bed, but that I had held him captive all night. "Are you okay?"

He fought through his grimace to give me a small smile in an attempt to convey he wasn't hurt too badly. "I'm fine."

There was no more thunder and lightning, just the bright sunlight that was shining through the windows now, lightening up the living room with the evidence of what had happened last night. There on the floor were both of our shoes untied, two empty mugs on the coffee table and my journal placed on the mantle. We had fallen asleep on the couch, sharing the blanket that was still covering us.

"It's morning?" I looked around half dazed.

"It appears to be," Edward answered politely with still some strain in his voice as he took a hand through his authentic bed head hair.

"I feel awful," I put my face into my hands. "I'm so sorry, Edward. You didn't even get to go home."

"Don't be," Edward said to me with his gorgeous green eyes shining in the sun lit room. I was in a morning trance just by his presence, wallowing in the fact that I had woken up to see Edward's face, which was at the moment granting me such close proximity. "It's okay, really."

I couldn't tell if there was any doubt in his answer, so I took his word for it and sigh in relief despite some lingering embarrassment.

"This only means one thing is inevitable," Edward shrugged nonchalantly. He slipped out of the blanket to put his shoes back on.

"What?" I asked curiously. What could he have in mind?

"You owe me big time," he stared back at me as he stood up with a slyish smile on his face.

**A/N: Pairing chapter ends.**


	12. Chapter 10 Taking Flight

**There is a slight overlap, but only from POV to POV from the last chapter. **

**Chapter 10 Taking Flight**

_Edward_

The thunderstorm had breathed a new life and returned with full force, tearing the night sky with lightening like ravenous teeth biting into empty nothingness. Waiting for a victim. Waiting for someone to walk out and be taken by mistake. Nature can be so unpredictable.

I tightened my eyes shut, grinded my teeth down, hating this storm and what it meant to me. Why didn't it just take me instead? I could have taken her place. She didn't have to be in a car, in that storm, and in that crash caused by that drunken driver. She didn't have to be taken in a flash of a second. _Why didn't you take me? _I yelled in my own head.

Rage of pain and anger swept through me as another bolt of lightning struck. The booming sound woke me up and my eyes flew open, feeding me with fury. With a sudden jolt of adrenaline, I sat up and glared at the open window across the room. The curtains were twisting uncontrollably against the wind that blew in, failing to conceal the thunderstorm outside. It was intolerable. Determined to shut it out, I stomped across the darkness of the room to the window.

But then I froze. I had stopped midway because there was a man sitting on the window sill with his back to the room.

Stunned by the sudden image of an intruder, I took a staggered step back. I was about to take action, when the man called out my name.

"Edward," the man, who was now turned around, greeted me nonchalantly. "I was waiting for you."

"Who are you?" I demanded. He was unrecognizable to me. "Where did you come from?"

There was a thick shadow across his face and I could only tell that the man was somewhere in his mid-forties. He had on a dark trench coat over an all black pin-striped suit. He ignored my question and stared at me with dark black eyes. He wasn't frightening as he appeared like a prowler, but more refined as he was dressed like a businessman. My initial instinct was to act defensive; however, the man did not appear threatening.

"There's a shooting star coming," His voice was calm and serious, and then he turned towards the sky like he was searching for it. "You're going to miss it, Edward."

What? How can he predict a shooting star? The anger I had honed before was now replaced by confusion. Maddening confusion. Who was this stranger and how did know my name?

"You're predicting a random astronomical phenomenon?" I shook my head unbelievably, thinking how ridiculous his statement was. "And how do you know me? I'm calling the police."

"Do you want to see it for yourself?" He retorted back, ignoring me again.

Frustrated, I began to turn around, when a bright glow came from behind the window. Blinding light was shining through and I covered my eyes with my arm, unable to see what was happening in front of me. Longer than lightning should have sparked, I oddly felt the light dissipate. I looked up to still see the strange man now standing right outside of the window.

"Edward, this is your last chance," he warned with a low voice. "Are you going to see this or not?"

Hesitant of what was happening, but engrossed by the man's persuasive attempt to somehow bring me out into the thunderstorm for reasons unknown, I decided to follow him for the sake of nothing else. It was absurd I was even intrigued by his promise of a shooting star. But in that moment, I had no real endeavors, but to see for myself what the heck this man was talking about. This man also knows my name and I wanted to find out why.

As I crawled up to the window sill, I noticed that the rain had stopped and the stormy clouds quickly moved away making a clearing for the midnight blue sky. The man put a hand up.

"Wait," he said calmly, before I could step down. I lingered there on the window sill, expecting to see a star flicker across the sky. I looked up waiting for something to happen, but instead a massive, glowing ball of light was approaching towards us from above.

I reactively stared at it in awe and hastily realized it was getting closer. "Whoa!"

The man placed a hand on my shoulder, sensing my scared reaction. "Calm down, Edward."

The glowing ball slows down and stopped right just a few feet from where I sat and where the man stood. His solemn look at me calmed my nerves for some reason. He let go of me and then stepped on to the ball as if it was a platform. The man turns back to me, holding out his hand for me to come on board. He gives me nod, willing me to trust him. I take his hand and step up to the glowing ball.

"It's a shooting star -- really," he tried to convince me. I twitched my expression in bewilderment. "It's just slowing down for us, because humans don't go as fast as light speed."

"We're on a star?" I was in shock. He smiled jovial at me for the first time as we started to travel on the ball upward above the house.

We traveled higher above the ground, where I saw the most peculiar scene below me. Nature was moving in fast forward motion. Pine trees were rapidly sprouting out of the ground from young to full grown. A clear river gushed from nowhere, intertwining between the trees. The tops of the mountain range below were in full panoramic view, majestic in its form, lining the forest like a fortress. I knew I wasn't afraid of heights, but this was no ordinary hot air balloon ride, if I ever been on one. This was extraordinarily impossible.

"Where are we going?" I asked, marveled by what was happening.

"Outer space," the man answered intently. "Don't worry. You'll be back before you know it."

So we did. Our star traveled higher into the sky, passed all the clouds, until the midnight blue turned into a vastness of black, dotted with millions of tiny glowing stars. We traveled faster and suddenly when the earth and the moon were nothing but the same speckled dots that surrounded us, our star stopped right in the middle of outer space. The air was thin but not icy cold and I was surprised that we were still breathing normally as if we were still on planet earth.

I contemplated this obscure scenery before me. It was like I was immersed into another world. Or am I coming back from one? Did I make up that town I thought I had lived in for months? Was I just having a nightmare and now, is it over? Did I really meet Bella?

My thoughts were interrupted when the man turned to face me again.

"Time in space is considered in theory a separate dimension," he said in matter-of-fact, and then he turned to look away at the space surrounding us. "A universal constant in an infinite continuum, yet independent in the eye of the observer. However, in other contexts, the rate at which time passes depends on an object's change in position…relative to speed of light and gravitational pull, of course."

Not quite absorbed that I had just traveled into outer space on a star with this stranger, I had just barely enough brainwaves functioning to try to decipher what he just said. "Where I am...time on earth, in life, is still unpredictable."

There was a pause in the man's expression and I couldn't tell whether or not he knew what I meant. I mean, I didn't live in space or on another planet. What was this guy trying to convey anyway?

"Can I tell you some advice?" the man appeared unnerved with my statement.

"Sure." Wondering what he could possibly have to say to me.

"Laugh if you need to. Smile if you need to. Life is a trip….and sometimes it isn't easy," he responded, and with that he stepped off the star. Forgetting we were in outer space, I was shocked for a split second to see the man gravitating in mid air. "You don't need to be so angry anymore, Edward. Change is coming. You have to take it in."

"What are you saying?" it felt like a blow to my head. How did this guy know if I was angry?

"What I'm saying, Edward, is…" he spoke more sternly now. "You can walk a thousand miles, you can fly to another galaxy, but you'll have to face the truth."

It was like he was peering right into my soul without me having to say a word. There was one truth that I kept hidden from everyone, including my mother. I could not keep Nessa's death out of my mind because it was my reminder that I was not there enough to protect her. Keep her away from harm. Did he know what pain hindered inside of me, despite me moving away from home? I had let the days go by, waiting for healing and letting time be the keeper of it. But there was still unrest and misery that infests me day to day. It was my guilt that holds me like my only last connection to her. That was the truth I knew, and somehow this man knows it.

"What truth," I said under my staggered breath.

"You haven't forgiven yourself," he said simply and started to drift back away from me.

"Wait!" I held up a hand to hoping he could answer me at least one question. "How do you know me?"

"Let's just say…" he paused, then I saw his face turn somber and I noticed his eyes. They were not black like I had seen before, but they were now deep, light green. A shade of green just like mine. "We'll meet again someday, and you'll see."

He nods to me farewell and then gradually drifts away. There was nothing I could say, and within moments, the man was gone. I was abandoned, standing there on a star, now fearful because I didn't know how I was going to get back home. Maybe if I stepped off this star, I would fall back down to earth. But what if I don't and float away indefinitely? I panicked, thinking I was going to be stuck here alone in the middle of nowhere and there would be no one to save me.

"What am I suppose to do?" I yelled out into the black space, hoping the man would return even though I knew he wouldn't. "Hello?"

I felt my chest heaving again, as I breathed harder, gasping for air. _What am I suppose to do? _What did that man say… that change is coming and I have to take it in? Am I supposed to follow him? Do I jump off of this thing?

I took in a deep breath and tried to look down below the glowing ball, but there was nothing but darkness. No planets, no more stars, just isolation and darkness. Still anxious about what could happen to me, I decided there was the only one choice. I would have to just do it. I would just have to take a step off of this thing. I reached out with my hands, but there was nothing to grab on to. It was just me and space.

"What do you want me to see?" I challenged the man's last words.

I slowly lifted my step and prepared for freefall or whatever, when I was abruptly jerked back and I fell back on the star. It was moving again. Elated, I got up on my feet and suddenly saw clouds reappear. The sky was turning, shade by shade, from black to dark blue as the moon and the earth came into view. I realized that the star was now descending back into the atmosphere, and I was no longer in outer space.

The star traveled faster into the thickness of the clouds until it was white all around me. I laughed out loud, not even afraid that I couldn't see anything in front of me. Was that it? I didn't take the physical step, but I was ready to. It would have been no ordinary plunge of desperation nor would it be a leap of faith. It was a choice, whether I fell into a black hole or back to earth. And if I continued believing it, I knew I could be on my way home. It was what the mysterious man did say.

I felt the traveling slow down in speed and I assumed that I would soon land on the ground. But once the clouds cleared up, I realized I had not returned to the cottage or the forest, and the star was gone.

I was standing barefoot in sand. Disoriented about where I was, I frantically searched around for anything familiar and wondered if maybe I just landed elsewhere on earth. But what I saw wasn't clear to me as everything was a blur of colors. I rubbed both my eyes with my hands. I felt sand between my toes, but to my sight it was speckled and blurry. It wasn't clear like I should have seen. I looked around and realized that I was also among some sort of green fence or wall, but it was moving. Or swaying. As I looked closer, I saw that there were different shades of green, moving with the breeze in unison like tall blades of grass. It appeared to be life sized brushstrokes, painted alive. Then it came to me like a chill rushing throughout my body, and I knew exactly where I was. I was standing in Bella's painting.

Sunlight peeked through from behind the grass and I walked in the direction of it, recalling the painting where I knew what would be there. It only took me a few steps to see the ocean with the waves crashing in the middle, with a clear blue sky above. The wind picked up and I could actually feel and smell the salty ocean air. I stopped right at the edge of the water and waited for the waves to come up again, wanting to feel the water, which was surprisingly warm and comforting. I wiggled my toes in the wet sand and remembered my daughter and how she loved doing that when we lived by the beach. The memory brought a smile to my face. I wondered _what I was doing here. _

There was no one else around me. Not knowing what else to do, I walked back to the shore and sat down on the sand. The wind blew stronger and I closed my eyes again. Maybe I would fall asleep and maybe this was all a dream. But if I woke up, where would I be?

Before I thought about anything else, I felt warmth permeating next to me. I figured it was just the sun and I kept my eyes closed. The sudden change in temperature felt comforting and I started to think about Nessa, skipping across the shoreline looking happy and giddy, laughing as I saw her running up the sand to get away from the water coming in, and washing away. She looks up to wave at me, and I wave back. She smiles and goes back to skipping.

The warmth from the sun gets stronger and now it was hot.

My eyes suddenly opened and my image of Nessa is gone. I looked up to see that the warmth I was feeling was only the sunlight beaming through the window as morning peaked in. I was still lying on the couch in Alice's house. Drowsy from my sleep, my body laid there like bricks and I didn't move. I saw in front of me Bella was still quietly asleep. From the clock above the mantle, the time read six o'clock in the morning. It was so early, and I felt exhaustion overwhelm me. And then the last thing I saw was the sunrise disappearing behind my tired eyes.

---

"Really, I can take you home, Edward," Bella shyly swept her eyes across the front porch as she held the front door open for me.

She must still be embarrassed over our awkward morning incident. Sure, it wasn't pleasant to have been woken up by a jab in the groin, but I couldn't blame her. We had both fallen asleep on the couch last night. Although, we didn't have many hours of sleep, for some reason, there was a recharge inside of me.

I stepped outside the front door and saw the wet, muddy roads from the storm's aftermath. Something uneasy washed over me at the sight of it, and I knew I was more than paranoid enough to not want Bella driving out there just yet. So I made an excuse.

"Thank you, but it's been a while since I've had a nice early morning walk," I said as politely as I could, hoping I wasn't hurting her feelings. "Besides, you should get some more rest."

She smiled at me. "Alright. Well, thank you again, for staying with me last night."

I stepped back towards her and smiled. "You're welcome."

"Wait right here," she asked suddenly as she turned back into the house and I was left there standing in front of the doorway. She came back shortly with a thick scarf in her hands and motioned me towards her. I leaned in as she carefully wrapped the scarf around my neck and gave it a nice knot at the end. "If you're going to take the early morning walk route, you're going to need this."

"Thanks," Warmed by her gesture, I almost acted on my urge to lean in and kiss her forehead, but I withheld it and stepped back. I patted the scarf Bella put on me, feeling the warmth from it already. "I'll see you again?"

"Yeah," her voice softened. "Bye."

Did she notice my almost move on her? There was something in her brown eyes that yielded the same notion, but I didn't linger to find out. I waved goodbye and starting down the driveway.

Walking back home, it occurred to me how differently I felt about Bella. There was something new about her last night that made me feel close to her. Bella had let me in. Not just into Alice's house, but into her own place, telling me her state of heart and mind. She had shared a bit of herself, a step further than I had enough courage for. And when the clouds roared and my chest tugged with my head kicking in of old memories, it sparked a hell full of pain. But I was still breathing because I wasn't alone. Bella was right there with me. She may not know the reasons why, but it didn't matter because she didn't leave me.

There was also that dream I had last night that I couldn't shake out of my head. Visions that replayed in my mind were of trees, a river, stars, and the sky, and seeing it from a far distance. There was someone else in my dream as well, telling me something about time and change. And then I remember, very vividly standing in Bella's painting and having a happy memory of my daughter. Having remembered that part, emotions stirred and I felt revived. Last night's storm might have been heavy with torment of my deep compressed sorrow, but it's now over, and the morning feels new. I was breathing in fresh air. I didn't want it to go away.

I had to do something for Bella. And I definitely need to see her again.

_Bella_

Edward left Alice's place without any more hints about what he had in mind for me after the unplanned sleepover I dragged him into. He had refused to let me take him home and insisted on walking home and giving me the reason that I should rest some more. I didn't argue and kept to myself how much I was already well rested. And I was also relieved that Alice came home after Edward had left. Not that I would have to explain to her why I left the brewery abruptly, but the it was too early for an entire reception of Alice's '_so you left with the coincidence man and he just happen to have stayed overnight?' _I liked my little secret night with Edward and I wanted to keep it to myself for just a little longer. It was almost like we were at the bar again, how we were positioned face to face on the sofa, conversing in our own little space. After Alice mumbled her good morning to me and sleepily shuffled her feet back into her bedroom, I knew she was on her way to her real sleep and I wouldn't see her again for another hour or two.

My shower felt better than I expected. The hot water was a million times the opposite of my rain shower weeks ago on Alice's driveway when the actual cold drenched me through, making me feel like how I thought of myself. A cold person. And for a while, I had felt so closed in without energy. My break up with Jacob weeks ago had taken up all the strength I had in me and the aftermath had not given me any breathing space to move on or even move myself to go out and do things. I felt drained. But now, it was the first time I could actually feel the hot warmth of this shower, happier to feel almost normal again. And waking up this morning, felt like I had the best sleep in months, the kind that didn't feel groggy or forced, but just refreshed and ready. Like a little shot of hope was just injected. I breathed it in deep, like it was a steam of potion, infused with the scents of flowers and vanilla of my shampoo, and wanting more doses of its effects.

After I got dressed in my favorite jeans and a long sleeve shirt, I went to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. I boiled an egg and put the kettle back on for some more tea. Looking for my mugs, I realized that they were still in the living room. As I grabbed both mine and the one Edward was using, something odd slowly crept into my mind. Walking back into the kitchen, I carefully placed my mug in the sink and kept Edward's mug in hand. I slid my fingers through the handle and smiled to myself as I drummed the side, waiting for my water to boil.

As I ate my breakfast, I couldn't help but replay what happened this morning in my mind; waking up to see Edward right there next to me was a strange sight. I had never woken up to any other man besides Jacob. And although it wasn't like we were outside anything of propriety, I still couldn't deviate from the notion that I didn't know how I thought about that or even how Edward thought about it. We could almost be friends now. I wasn't out of line, was I? Edward didn't seem to appear upset when he left. In fact, I almost thought he was going to kiss me, after I put my scarf on him. And his comment about '_owing him big time' _could only mean that I can expect to see him again._ Right?_

I was sipping my chamomile tea from Edward's mug when my thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. Relieved that lines were back on and not having my good start morning tainted with a call to the phone company, I skipped across the kitchen floor to answer it.

"Hello?" My voice was peculiarly more chipper than I expected.

"Bella?" the voice on the other end had me hold my breath. "It's Edward. I got the phone number from Jasper."

Why does hearing his voice have me feel like my batteries got a jumpstart? I had never spoken to Edward over the phone before, so not being able to see his face with the voice on the other line only made me imagine it in my mind.

"Hi. Did you get home alright?" I took my chipper tone down a notch to not sound so obvious.

"Yes, I'm home," he replied. And then he paused for few seconds before speaking again. "Well, anyway, I'm calling you for two things. First, I wanted to thank you for letting me keep you company last night."

He was being light hearted and I was imaging his smile now. "Ditto."

"Second, I think I have a pretty good idea on what you can do for me…you know, for still holding me prisoner and all," he said amusingly.

I playfully groaned. "Ahh. Alright, shoot."

"Hmm, are you free this afternoon?" There was a careful tone in his voice, like he wasn't exactly sure himself for asking me.

"Yes." A little apprehensive of answering because it only had been a few hours since we had last seen each other, but I couldn't say no. I was too curious.

"Good. Could…you…come over to my place, say...around two?"

I paused as I quickly deliberated, _was this okay_? I did ask him over last night without a second thought. Why was I quirky about him asking me over?

"Okay," I finally replied. "What do you have in mind?"

"Mmm, I haven't told you," he mischievously replied. His answer just heightened my curiosity, and I was already edgy with excitement to see Edward again. "I'll show you when you get here. And if you want to pass, I can think up something else. Deal?"

"Deal." I agreed, adoring his clever proposition.

"Okay. I'm staying in the cottage with the picket fence at the south end of Evergreen Way. I hope you know the area?"

"Yes. I do." Strangely enough I couldn't be more surprised how much I knew exactly whose place he was staying in. My old grade school teacher, Mrs. Masen.

"Great, I'll see you soon?"

"I'll see you."

Before we hung up, Edward quickly added, "Oh and if you can, wear a pair of old jeans and old shoes."


	13. Chapter 11 More To Know

Chapter 11 More to Know

_Bella_

The cottage appeared still in good shape with the white picket fence that looked like it was resurrected with a fresh coat of paint. The hand carved awning and porch looked homey and welcoming just as I remembered. The rocking chair was a piece I couldn't recall though. It looked brand new, like it was just placed there not too long ago. But I couldn't really say. The last time I was here, I was dropping off a plate of homemade cookies for Mrs. Masen, when she retired from her teaching career nearly twelve years ago. This is a bizarre re-encounter. A place that had a connection to my childhood memories, and now many years later and by coincidence, it was holding a man still unknown to me.

I slowly walked up the steps to the porch when it hit me. How many times have I run into Edward unexpectedly? Encountered him in some way or another without even planning it? Well, aside inviting him over last night, which I wouldn't have, had I not gone to the brewery with Alice. He was always a coincidence until now. This was no twist of fate or happenstance meeting. He had asked me over.

So there was no turning back now. I stood motionless in front of the door, knowing that my next move would have to be ringing the doorbell. Summoning Edward to come to me. He'll open that door and see me, just like our first sight of each other all over again. And I'll get to see those beautiful green eyes again. I was hesitant and I could feel it trying to overcome me. What was I afraid of? _He asked me over. _

Just ring the doorbell. Knock on the door.

I lifted my hand up and let out a hefty breath of air. The door suddenly swung wide open before my hand made contact and I slightly jumped back. Edward appeared with a grin on his face. He was changed into a new outfit, but much different from his casual preppy wear. He had on workpants that were severely spotted and a worn out gray tee shirt. Seeing him in this scruffy kind of look made my heart skip a beat, because it was still handsome Edward, but rugged.

"I had to catch you before you look like you might change your mind." He said with a smile. And then it happened again. His voice calmed me. My apprehension about Edward being weirded out about this morning was dismissed. I was completely at ease at the sight of him, even thought what he said still made me blush.

"You saw me?" I scrunched my nose and he nodded.

"Come in," he motioned his hand to welcome me in. As I stepped through, I noticed Edward suddenly changed his expression to what almost looked like disappointment.

"Oh no." He whispered loudly as he stared at my blue collared blouse I switched into from my tee shirt.

"What?" I asked nervously, embarrassed to check myself.

"Your shirt, that won't do," he remarked with small wrinkle above his brow, and then it quickly disappeared. "Wait for me here, please?" I nodded and he ran down the hall slipping into a bedroom at the end. After a minute, he came back out with a white shirt in his hand.

"Here, change into this instead." He politely requested.

I twitched an eyebrow up in confusion, but Edward's pleading smile was so boyishly magnetizing that I was pulled in. "Alright," I took the shirt from him.

"There's a bathroom that you can use, the first door to your left down the hall," He motioned again to the same hallway. "When you're ready, meet me in backyard."

I watched him walk towards the kitchen passed the dining room as he pointed in the direction to indicate to me where to find him later, and then he smiled before turning away.

I walked into the bathroom, which I figured was the only one in this tiny cottage anyhow, and closed the door behind me. I lifted up the shirt that Edward had handed to me to wear. It was definitely a man's cotton white tee, plain with no graphic designs. I realized Edward had lent me one of his shirts. My face flushed warm as I changed out of my blue blouse and into the soft thick cotton. The feel of it on me reminded me of how I used his mug this morning. It was a brush connection of him again. I carefully lifted up the collar to take in a full inhale wondering if it would smell like Edward. I knew it was clean and the scent was probably from his laundry detergent, but it was like I was enveloped in him again.

After my almost-creepy episode of sniffing another man's shirt, I trailed my way through Mrs. Masen's living room. It briefly brought me back to a time and place long ago that I had forgotten about when I was young, aspiring, and free to embrace all that I had around me with close friends and family. Back then, I decided there would be no other place I could see myself live in. The road had seemed knowing and comfortably predictable. And later on the years, reality sunk in and there was no make-believe about it. My parents split, my friends graduated and moved on away to college, and people disappeared. But Jacob stayed. And maybe I might have been one of the reasons why he did, but in the end, we became just another dividing line. Painting had always been my outlet and my sanctuary, but that too, was gone from me.

I left my blouse on the sofa and walked through the kitchen to the screen door at the end, where I assume would lead me to the backyard. Outside, the grounds were full of unkempt grass and weeds drowning what were left of a small patch of wildflowers growing haphazardly along the corner of the picket fence. I scanned to the far end of the yard where there was a shed with its doors open and I walked towards it guessing Edward was inside.

"So what are you having me do today?" I called out to him. He came out carrying large tin cans in each hand. The muscle in his arms stiffened and bulged with definition against the weight of the cans and I caught myself shamelessly staring again. He turned to me and I quickly shifted my eyes to his face. He looked up at me with raised eyebrows.

"Oh," He exclaimed under his breath, mumbling something to himself that I could make out.

"You're going to paint?" I asked thoroughly surprised and ignoring his sudden gawking at me.

"_We_ are going to paint." He smiled as he walked over, handing me one of the paint cans.

"Ohh-kay…what are we painting?" I couldn't hide my smile. This definitely is not what I was expecting, but exactly what I wasn't afraid of doing.

He cocked his head in the direction of the fence. "As you can probably tell, I haven't finished the fence. And I might be doing a horrible job at it."

"Well – it's no blank canvas, but I think I can help out," I said, purposely giving him a smug smile.

"Perfect," Edward flashed me a smile back with a gleam in his eyes that brightened the green shades in them. The afternoon weather was still permitting the sun to be out and amidst the chill, crisp air with no wind, there was just enough warmth to shine through.

I watched Edward set up the paint pans as he poured white-as-snow paint into them. He explained to me the top half of the fence in the backyard was already done and we would just be finishing up the bottom half. We grabbed our brushes and each began on an unfinished section next to each other. I was more than eager to use a paint brush again. And as pure and simple as the white paint we were using, I was internally grateful to put myself in the same familiar motion again. Dipping the brush into the paint. Carefully applying it to the surface, using even and consistent strokes. This is my happy forte.

We worked quietly without exchanging a word. I had lost track of time when I finally glimpsed over to Edward to see how he was doing and maybe to see if I could catch him look over my way with those gorgeous green eyes again. But I only saw him working as diligently as I was, without a glance in my direction. It made me wondered if he was only trying to be considerate by giving me my moment. He must have remembered what I said about not being able to paint anymore that night at the brewery. And having bought one of my paintings, it was only obvious that painting was something that I missed doing dearly. Edward had asked me to do this with him not as payback. This was for me as a simple way to reconnect to painting again.

I finished my section and walked over passed him to start on the next section. I knew now, he would have to look up at me. And he did with raised brows and his mouth slightly agape making my ego boosted a tad from his reaction.

"Doesn't seem to be that difficult of a job to me," I teased, feeling pretty complacent and Edward graced me with a smirk. "I should quit my current job and take up painting fences."

"I had started this a few weeks ago and presumed the cooler weather would help fast track my project," he admitted. "But my lack of predicting rain and any knowledge on painting, kind of pushed out my deadline."

"Aren't there white picket fences out where you live?" I asked half teasing, guessing well that such adorning home features weren't so common out in condensed metropolis areas.

"Umm, yeah," he started out, and then he playfully returned the sarcasm. "But in our neighborhood, they're made out of concrete blocks and mortar. Construction I'm more familiar with." He shrugged.

I laughed. "Oh really? I'll have to see that for myself one day." I didn't know why I said it, because there wasn't any chance of that happening.

"So, tell me…have you ever been anywhere outside of this town?" Edward asked me. He continued finished his section and moved to the next unfinished one on the right of me.

"I never lived anywhere else before, but I've visited a few places when I was a kid," I replied back, intrigued that Edward was interested in something about me. "I used to go to the beach. And then when I got older, I went to San Francisco to visit my dad and then to Miami where my mother moved out after my parents divorced."

"Was it difficult?" His tone softened. "Having parents so far apart?"

It's been a long while since I've narrated this chapter in my life. I was a freshman in college when they decided to divorce. As I was told, they had hoped while I was away in school they could find the time to mend their marriage. Unfortunately, it still didn't work out. I wondered for a long time if their reason was just an excuse to maybe lessen the impact for me. That they had made up their minds long ago and didn't want me involved while I was still in the house. But it was too late, and I was told repeatedly that the decision was mutual between my parents.

"I took it hard in the beginning," I felt myself zooming back to my first experience away from home; my first year in college where I lived only an hour away from happenings of my parents splitting up. "I used to think they waited until I was out of the house to initiate the divorce. And I felt betrayed at first. Did they not trust me enough to tell me earlier? How long did they put on a face just for me?" There was no heavy demeanor in this storytelling. I was merely repeating an incident in my life that's gone and passed. "But it wasn't until I saw my mother when she moved to Miami that I finally let it go. She told me they thought it was best for all of us at the time and that they both wanted to see me off to the college. But it still wasn't easy after that. They didn't want to come back here and I couldn't keep seeing one or the other so far away."

Edward looked at me with understanding. "Do they still keep in touch with you?"

"Yes, mostly by email," I suddenly remembered the call from my mother after I sent her my breakup email. I thought about maybe calling her again. "They're much happier now. And that makes me happy for them. I realized that they're still my parents. They did what they did, but they deserve happiness, too."

I looked over to Edward as he stroked his brush carefully over the planes of the wood. His face looked thoughtful again. He had this same expression when I had told him about my painting. Not wanting to talk about my parent's divorce, I quickly changed the subject.

"So, how about you? Is this your first time far away from home?" I saw Edward slightly twist his expression.

"No," he said shortly. I saw him tense up for a second, but he quickly let it go. "I mean, other than for school, yes. This is my first time." And he didn't continue.

Edward didn't like talking about his past, but asked a whole lot about mine. And there was something else that I couldn't figure out from Edward. That distant look in his eyes he would let off occasionally. I had been staring and watching Edward more and more now that I've noticed this and I wondered if it was when he exhausted himself enough to let his guard down. He always looked away without a word, appearing afraid to show me something he didn't want to let on, and then recompose with a smile as if he just had a passing moment. And here I was, so comfortable with him that I've been like a waterfall, gushing to him almost my entire soul. More so than I've been with Alice. And it didn't seem fair that he didn't reciprocate being open with me. If he didn't' want to tell me, he should at the very least tell me just that.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked carefully not to be too evasive. "What do you have on your mind?"

He looked my way, half surprised with a smidge of guilt on his face, catching on what I was inquiring.

I carefully spoke, trying not to come across ill-hearted. "Sometimes you have this sad look in your face. Like you have something that you're trying hide or forget," I said softly. "Last night, during the thunderstorm…you were troubled about something."

He softened his face and gave me what looked like a hurtful smile. "I give it away that easily?"

"More so I've been pretty observant," I could just confess that it was really me lacking the ability to take my eyes off of him. I've been speaking out my heart and soul to him already. I watched him take a moment to contemplate what he wanted to say or moreover wanted me to hear. I was about to object, feeling bad that maybe I might have overstepped some boundaries.

"I went away because of my past," he said before I could open my mouth. He watched me carefully to see my reaction, but I didn't waver. He put down his paintbrush and sat on the grass with his arm around his knees. "I had someone very close to me pass away. And I took it very hard. I couldn't stand being there anymore; everything around me reminded me of her." He stared deeply at me after he said that.

I felt my eyes widened, but I never looked away. I wanted Edward to know that it was okay for him to open up to me and I wanted him too.

But it's about a girl. Edward was talking about a girl.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to – you don't want to talk about it… it's okay," I realized it was too personal.

"No, I should tell you, it's just… I haven't told anyone since I've moved here," he wasn't looking at me anymore, but I saw the apprehension there. "I just had to get away. Not to forget, but to feel time go by easier or maybe to find myself again." He shook his head and furrowed his brows.

"I don't know if I'll ever get over it," he sounded pained and I almost wanted to stop him from telling me anymore. "I've never lost anyone like her before."

He startled me by looking up again. His eyes bore into mine and I couldn't look away. I kept my eyes on him with no fake sympathies or anything less genuine. Because I've seen those kinds of stares before when my parents divorced and when my engagement to Jacob ended. Those eyes that said,I'll try to feel for you and look really sympathetic, but I don't know what you're going through.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," I instinctively wanted to reach out and touch Edward. There was a magnetic pull from me to move closer to him. I had an energy throbbing inside of me to inch towards the pain that was clearly emitting from Edward's body.

Edward stayed motionless with his green eyes on me, glistening like glass in what was left of the daylight. "It's been almost ten months now, since my daughter's death. She had just turned three when she died in a car accident. Her mother and I split soon after she was born, so I wasn't there."

"Edward," I gasped. I was taken back. The girl was his daughter. I had not expected that Edward once had a child, and I couldn't believe it. Edward was too young to have that happened to him. My chest began to ache and the pull towards him got stronger I was afraid that any second now, Edward would get up and walk away. But he sat motionless, no longer locked in our gaze.

"I miss her alot," Edward croaked through a strained voice. He looked uncomfortable, playing with the tips of the grass between his fingers. "I never thought I'd lose her like that."

"It must not be easy," I realized this of Edward.

He leaned over and placed his hand over mine, giving it a tiny squeeze. "It's not easy. But I know that each time I remember her, whether it makes me sad or happy, it's because I haven't forgotten her. And I know I won't."

"You don't have to feel like this alone," I whispered to him. And I meant it. Surprising, I meant every bit of it.

Edward motioned his head toward me without compromising demeanor. "I've been alone for a long time," he said.

He was so close to me and I was inches from his pained face, I wanted to caress it in my hands to make it go away. But Edward carefully let go of my hand and let himself up from the grass. He stood up tall above me and I froze, not knowing what to do next. Then Edward bent down and stuck out his hand in front of me. I stared up at him with his gentle green eyes looking back before taking his hand.

"We will resume this on another day?" he said as I got up on both my feet. "It's getting cold now."

"Oh. Sure," I hadn't realized how dark it was getting until he said it, but the wind had picked up and brushed up on my bare forearm with a chill. Edward noticed my shiver and wrapped me around both his arms.

"You should go inside," he said lightly in my ear. Edward walked beside me across the yard as he gently rubbed his hands on my upper arms, and then opened the door for me to go back inside the warm cottage. I turned to see his smooth face now different in the sunset light. "I'll be right in."

After washing up in the bathroom and changing back into my blue blouse, I returned to the kitchen to watch Edward as he finished up clearing the paint cans and brushes from the yard. There was a sudden feeling almost empty like I was missing something. It was brief, but it made me wonder if it was because I still wanted Edward's touch again. I shook the notion out of my head and though how silly it was. I convinced myself we had embraced over a shared experienced and that was it. Like how I broke down that night at the brewery after Jacob's phone call and I had Edward to calm me. This was his turn.

Edward shut the shed doors and walked back across the yard. I quickly turned away from staring at the window and took a seat at the kitchen table. I didn't want him to think I was being creepy. He stepped in with his rugged look and hair in disarray, smiled shyly at me and then went to the sink to wash his hands. He asked me to stay for a little while longer as he went to change his clothes. He returned with a nice collared shirt and clean jeans on.

We sat in the kitchen, sipping our tea for a few more hours talking about his past. Edward told me more about his young teenage love, and how he fell in love with the girl who would be the mother to his daughter and named her Nessa after his grandmother. He talked about how they started out young and how they fell apart soon after they had their child. How he hasn't been able to let go of her death since. Edward had let it all out bare for me and he held nothing back. It almost appeared therapeutic for Edward to tell me his story. With every word to describe his past, he didn't say with anger. I didn't know for sure, but it was like he was releasing everything he had pent up inside for too long.

"I have some days that pass, and I get through it like any other day," he said thoughtfully. "And there are other days when it goes either way. Sometimes I see something that reminds me of her, it sparks a happy memory. And sometimes, something triggers a raw piece of me and it feels like I'm torn from the inside." He took a long sip from his mug before speaking again. "I can't say if it's gotten better. But I can probably say I've been able live a bit more, if that makes any sense. I was so tied up back home, because everyone was just….watching me."

After we finished our last fill of tea, we decided to end the night and Edward walked me to my car.

"I haven't told Jasper or Emmett, so they don't know this about me," Edward turned to me with a serious look, hoping to convey that our conversation was made in confidence.

"I won't say anything to them or Alice," I vowed and Edward nodded.

"I think we made good progress today," he took a hand through his hair. "With the fence, I mean."

"I think so," I nodded. "When do you think you'll finish?"

"I think another half-day's work will do," he assured me. "And you know what, I can handle the rest. You've already helped me out a lot."

"Well, thank you for asking me over," I told him. "And for opening up to me," I added with a little smile back.

"Thank you for listening," he said in return.

Hearing that Edward no longer needed my help made me a little bummed as I was hoping maybe we could continue the project together on another day. And I wondered maybe I might have been taking it all wrong. Maybe Edward really asked me over just for a bit of handiwork help. Maybe there was no ulterior motive. Maybe the night before was just us being friendly. Thinking about this, I slightly dazed off into the forest.

"Hey, I have an idea," Edward tapped my arm lightly, and I looked up to his eyes again, forcing out a half smile. "Could I ask you to come by again sometime this week? I mean, not for home improvement…but for something else."

"Something else?" I repeated, and happy thoughts of returning here raced through my mind. That would mean spending time with Edward again. But I was not going to let Edward notice any excitement over the mysterious proposal. "Well, depending on what that 'something else' is, it would have to be after I get off work."

"Okay, fair," Edward agreed with calmness. "But do you trust me if I don't tell you?"

I thought about that for a while. No way since I've met Edward has he ever put me in a situation that wasn't favorable for me. I mean, he buys my painting, pulls me out of the streets, and was an emotional shoulder to cry on just last night. If I had not already given him trust to begin with, he has already earned it by now.

"I trust you," I replied truthfully. I knew Edward wasn't fully recovered from such an eventful tragedy like losing a child. And who knows when he will be even the slightest to return to how he was before. But amidst all of that and despite of his own hidden grief, Edward was asking me for his trust.


	14. Chapter 12 Just Go With It

**Chapter 12 Just Go With It **

_Bella_

"Where were you?" Alice chimed from the sofa where she sat. She glared at me with obvious suspicion when I didn't answer right away. She didn't have a clue of where I had gone and it wasn't hard to figure out that it was out of the ordinary from my usual mundane weekends. "And you're not allowed to give me any pieces and parts. I want to know the whole thing."

And there is was. Her ability to see right through me. There simply was no way that I could tread this lightly and I definitely could not lie to Alice. She was my best friend and I knew my short lived secret was over.

I walked over to the sofa. "I was with Edward." I tried to be nonchalant about it like it was no big deal.

Her eyes widened as she absorbed this, connecting the dots to realize that this afternoon was the making of last night's events. "What happened last night? After he took you home."

"_He _didn't go home," I quietly admitted.

"But I came in this morning…?" She mumbled with a dumbfounded look on her face.

"He had already left."

Alice mouthed an "Oh" and then sat up straight from her seat.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you, but the thunderstorm cut off the phone lines and –" Before I could explain any further, she dragged me over to her.

Alice took a small deep breath and then looked at me straight in the eyes. Her eye brows rose in expectancy. "Did you guys hook up?"

"What – no, he's a nice guy," I insisted. "He's taken me home before." And immediately I stopped there as she gasped when I revealed that tidbit. Alice didn't know about Edward taking me home the first time before when I was alone at the bar last week.

"I've been running into him lately," I said it like it was an excuse, and I could see Alice's face slowly diverging to an expression I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a mixture of uncertainty and excitement, the kind that school girls have whenever a new boy was being talked about. But Edward was definitely not just a boy. "We were at the brewery last week. I had that stupid monstrous mug of beer and he insisted in escorting me home."

Alice narrowed her eyes with obvious suspicion.

"He was gentleman," I was compelled to add on. "I was the only one drinking."

Alice nodded. "Good. I mean, the part about him being a gentleman."

"Yeah, totally," I replied, not wanting to remember how inebriated I was.

We sat there on the same sofa that Edward and I had shared what seemed like moments ago, as I narrated the tale of last night's happenings to the morning after and how I ended up to being with Edward again all day. I told her everything from accidently kicking Edward in the groin to telling him about my parents' divorce. I was careful to leave out the part about his daughter. Although, one of the best things about Alice is that she always let me finish a story without interruptions, I could tell that this time, by her insistent blinking and gapping jaw, that she was having a hard time holding it in. She stared at me for what seemed like minutes and I waited anxiously to hear what she could possibly be thinking.

I knew with my forehead scrunched I has no choice but to let Alice see the guilt that was creeping in. It was bad enough we haven't had any skim of a girl-to-girl talk since my breakup, but to keep anything more from Alice was like a betrayal I just couldn't do to her.

"Mmm." She sat quietly in front of me with legs crossed and her lips twisted in thought. I could see by the change in Alice's expression that she was trying to back off.

"So there's nothing going on?" Alice asked calmly.

I sighed, ready to just embrace telling Alice how I really felt, but it was like a stone wall was blocking the words to come out of my mouth.

"There's something else?" Her question hit like déjà vu. It wasn't what she was asking but how she was asking me. She was seeking for a moment of truth just as she had done when we talked about my relationship with Jacob. And instead of thinking it out clearly, I did what a school girl would have done. I denied it.

"No," I denied it. My response came out too quickly. "There's nothing else." And then I turned into a school girl, shaking my head instinctively, which was not convincing her.

"Bella, you were with him for the last twenty four hours," Alice shrugged her shoulders pryingly. "He spent the night and then today with you. And there's nothing?"

"It's not _nothing_." I heard myself slightly snap. So I had to add reason. "We were…getting to know each other."

"So did you?" She asked curiously.

"Yes." And I gave Alice a firm look. "We're just friends."

Alice nodded, probably feeling the effects to back off the subject. Then she leaned her head to the side and spoke with a softer voice.

"Bella, we haven't talked about your breakup. I mean, I know you need time for yourself and I'm here for you….but I'd hate to see you day in and day out and I just want to make sure you're not putting yourself out there susceptible to getting hurt again. You're vulnerable right now."

"I know, I know and I'm sorry, Alice," I apologized to her. "I've been a depressing sight for the last two weeks and I appreciate everything you've done for me, as a friend. I was talking to Edward, I guess, because he seems to understand what I'm going through and he can relate, to a certain degree."

"Oh…I see," Alice whispered with a small pout.

"He's gone through a breakup before," I added quickly before making Alice feel inadequate of relating because she hadn't been in a long term relationship before. I wasn't lying. Edward was no longer with his daughter's mother. But I had to stop there. I was already revealing too much and I didn't want Alice asking me any more questions about Edward's past.

Alice nodded and smiled as she placed a warm hand on top of mine. "Then I'm glad that you had a chance to talk to someone, if it wasn't me." Then her expression was a weakening effort to keep her smile. "I was thinking last night that maybe I was spending too much time with Jasper and not enough time with you. I should be around more for you."

"I'm okay, really." Hearing me say that aloud to Alice suddenly struck an accord. Was I really okay? Listening to Alice concerned for my well being over a relationship that was no more made me realize that maybe I really was better than I thought. And yes, Jacob was my fiancé and we had a very meaningful relationship, but time passed on, and we grew apart. And then we broke up, like many people in this world do. But is it wrong of me to confide in someone who was going through something as well? Of course our detriments differ by far, but nonetheless, we were hurt people trying to move on in life. I mean, how many people have gone through such a tragedy of losing a child like Edward has? I just couldn't compare it. If time was promising, I could anticipate getting over Jacob somewhere in the foreseeable future. But for Edward and his heartache, I could only wonder if he could do the same.

I sat there with Alice a little while longer, as I let her plan more lunches together and dinner time at home, promising me she'd be there more often for me now. I had to let her, not wanting to make her feel any guilty than she already probably did, although she really didn't do anything wrong. And maybe I need to spend more time with other people. The happenstance meetings with Edward, no doubt, have been intriguing moments. All of which have been a new kind of venture. I was after all spending time with a man other than Jacob, pouring out my heart and my soul to. But I know I was still a vulnerable girl, just getting over a break up. An engagement break up. Somewhere in my desires, I wanted to see Edward again and spend all the time I could while he was still here. Perhaps being with him either takes the pain away or deters me from dealing with it. Would that make me a bad person? To be with someone for the spell of their comfort, when that someone probably needs it more than me? It sounded selfish.

Later that night, I let Alice order take out for dinner and rent a movie to watch at home. I had to admit, I felt a little bad that Alice had felt guilty about not being there for me, but I wasn't going to burst her bubble to try to make it up to me. It would be worse if I didn't let her and she would feel even more disheartening. And I still bit my tongue when she chose to get a romantic comedy to watch. It was a typical storyline of: boy or girl likes or dislikes the other, pursue and win and then lose and then win again. As corny as it may be, I couldn't help but imagine if that girl who gets the guy could be me. Only in a movie could it be that easy to meet someone, set attraction and then run through minor obstacles to catch the mate. But would that be real happiness? I snorted inwardly at the thought of it. Doesn't matter. They end up having that someone anyway.

_Edward_

It was a considerably pleasant afternoon given it was already the first week of winter. The sun was shining without the dampening of any hard looking clouds. Instead they were actually a little fluffy. Like whispers of white cotton candy being pulled from the cone. And because the sun was lighting the sky, despite the crisp of the chill air, everywhere around me seemed to be so much greener and cozy. I had been living here for almost three months now and I was going back and forth with the idea of what it would be like to wake up every day with a chance of snow. Back home, along the coast, there was nothing close to such thing except for the two hour drive to the closest ski resort with their manmade snow. But here would be different. It would be authentic.

I was on my way to the hardware store again as I usually did on a Wednesday afternoon. I knew Jasper would be working there, so stopping by even just to chat or catch lunch with him was a regular thing.

But today, there was an extra item to my agenda. After spending a paint job with Bella over the weekend, something clicked inside my head that day that there had to be something more I could do for Bella. I never thought I would tell someone about my tragic past while I was here, but there was a settling level of comfort that I felt when I was with Bella that made me feel at ease. Made me feel safe.

I was about to turn the corner to reach the side entrance of the hardware store when I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

"Hey, Edward."

It was Alice from the sidewalk, walking towards me.

"Alice, hey," I greeted back.

She did a quick hop and a skip to face me as she blocked the side door to the store. "Just came back from lunch with Jasper."

"Oh nice," I nodded courteously.

The friendliness that was apparent on her expression remained when she inaptly asked me a right-to-the-point question. "Yeeeaah. So, anyway, you are aware of Bella's situation?"

"Situation," I repeated, puzzled by her bluntness.

"Her recent breakup with her fiancé," Alice stated with a slight air of condescendence. "Her recent state of vulnerability and confusion. Her need to clear things up with herself first before getting into another relationship."

I was suddenly hit with the realization that Alice was trying to warn me and it was poignantly made not for my benefit.

"I know," I sighed. This was awkward.

Alice placed a hand up as if she was signaling me a sign to stop me from going any further. "Look, I know she's been gushing to you about it and don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's talking it out with someone at least." Alice let out a breath of air as she pursed her lips. "But she still needs time. I hope you know what I mean."

"I know," I answered her more sincerely, relieved that she dropped her abrasive demeanor. She was just trying to protect Bella.

Alice nodded firmly, satisfied with our understanding. "Okay. See you around, then."

I nodded her goodbye and then as soon as she was out of sight, I took in a deep breath of air to shake off what just happened there before walking into the store. I found Jasper behind the cashier counter as usual with his clipboard, marking down his daily inventory.

"So you've been hanging out with Bella," Jasper spoke without looking up at me. I wasn't surprised for the repeated questioning. He had just been with Alice. But I could tell that with Jasper, he wasn't trying to accuse or assume me of anything. Jasper was either just curious or needing to report back to Alice with extra information. "I mean, you guys left together on Saturday night, and…I didn't know you guys were friends like that."

I decided the casual approach would be best at the moment. No need to go too deep on any matter, especially with the link Jasper has to Bella through Alice. Keeping secrets from each other didn't have to play a part here. It would only cause unnecessary drama. "We're just friends like that."

"Oh, okay," Jasper shrugged and continued to preoccupy himself with order forms from behind the counter. "I mean, I thought you were interested in the art gallery chick."

I didn't answer right away and picked up a roll of tarp nearby to occupy with my pause. "Ummm."

Jasper raised an eyebrow, patiently waiting.

"I don't know, my options are open I guess." I couldn't admit that I wasn't interested. I really wasn't. But I also couldn't let on that I only wanted Bella's company. These were her friends, who are more likely to watch her back, than to see what my intentions are regardless how well they think of me so far. I was still an outsider city boy. Unknown to this kind of small town close-knitted camaraderie.

"How open?" Jasper suddenly livened up the conversation as his magic always seems to sense when it need to. "You know, Emmett and I can introduce you to a few eligible ladies in the area. Very good, wholesome girls. Sorry, not the hanky panky kinds you may be used to where you're from." He joked at the end.

I snorted, amused that the fact that I was far from the kind of guy that dates around with whomever I meet. I've told Jasper about only being with one girl before, so I assumed that Jasper only trying to get me back in the game or keeping me at arm's length from Bella. She _is_ his girlfriend's best friend. Any negative outcome could indirectly affect him. And maybe taking up Jasper's offer could test my options, if I could have any. If I was right about the other half of Jasper's intentions, my growing interest in Bella had to be kept at bay. I didn't want to stir up any trouble among the few friends I had here. And Bella just seemed too fragile. I was not ready to go back home.

"Alright, I'm that open," I agreed. "But not a one-on-one kind of date. I'm not ready for that yet."

Jasper looked at me strangely when I said that for a brief moment and then it quickly faded. "No problem, we'll all go as a group just scoping out. No pressure. How's this Friday?"

"I'm game," I agreed, throwing myself into the idea. I was getting too close to Bella it seems.

"Awesome, I'll set it up," Jasper playfully punched my shoulder, with a game face and a point. "This weekend, Edward. You gonna get yourself a lady."

There was no way to go like a coward now if I backed out. I really had to continue to take new initiatives, since it was my reason for moving here in the first place. Then I stared at the roll of bright blue tarp in my hands, mulling over my plans I had originally made earlier this week.

"Are you going to get that?" Jasper asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah," I handed over the roll for Jasper to ring up and fished for my wallet.

"What are you going to do with this?" he asked as he bagged my item. "You're not done painting?"

"Not quite," I didn't want to tell him my exact plans and luckily Jasper didn't question any further.

"I'll call you later," Jasper handed me my change and bag. "Got to check my little black book to round up my prospects for you." He smiled mischievously.

"You've got a little black book?" I was little surprised.

Jasper sighed knowing that he was a little too transparent to pull that one off. "Little black book AKA Emmett. He's the handsome brute with all contacts. Later, dude."

I strapped the bag in a cargo box that I had attached to the back of my bicycle. It was useful for single or smaller hardware supplies, but it was no way to get around further than running errands. Jasper had been kind enough to drop off my cans of paint at the cottage for me since there was no way I could have carried more than one. This was a task that I had to learn from scratch again. Transportation on just two wheels. A dramatic change from what I was used to back home. I was fortune enough to have parents who could afford me a brand new car the year I turned sixteen. And I took for granted the privilege to go about anywhere easily with a car. But now I was beginning to get over it. The more plans I was making, this simple way of traveling was starting to become a basic necessity I couldn't leave for others to handle when I couldn't.

I had remembered an old pickup truck parked at the end of Evergreen street with a for sale sign. I decided that I would inquire the possible options of its worth for purchase. After a quick scan, the faded paint and all knowing parts intact of a basic automobile was good enough for me to ask the owner for a price. I had no real knowledge of cars and the inner workings of one, but if it can start up and ride without trouble, I would be okay with that. Excited with a new possible prospect I wasn't afraid to undertake, I rode my bicycle up the driveway to the house.

The house appeared just at seasoned as Ms. Masen's cottage with the weathered porch and large yard filled haphazardly with flower beds and bushes. As I rang the doorbell, I noticed that both front windows were covered with white lace curtains, which made me curious who the owner would be. Possibly someone just like Ms. Masen? I wouldn't be lying if this house was almost an exact replica of the cottage, except that the paint on the house appeared recently redone. After what seemed like over a minute, I had no answer. Agitated to keep any hesitation from creeping in, I knocked on the door a few times.

Just when I was about to give up and contemplate on returning the next day, the door suddenly swung wide open, and behind it stood an elderly man gripping a walking cane in one hand. I was surprised to see that it was a man and not a lady who lived here.

"Yes?" He answered with a brass voice. "Are you're here to ask about the pickup?" His grey moustache on his upper lip slightly twitched when he spoke, as he pointed in the direction of the vehicle with his cane. Still holding on to the front door, as if any moment he would slam it shut, he stared at me with squinted eyes looking like he was trying to figure me out.

"Uh yes sir, I am," I answered quickly. "Do you mind if I take a look at it?"

"Sure, give me one sec," he turned around back into the house suspecting to grab the keys.

When he came back, he took notice of my bike that was leaning up against his porch post. "Is that how you've been getting around?

"That's all I've got right now," I replied. The man nodded understandably.

"Carlisle Masen," the man introduced himself with his hand out.

I shook his hand and then it hit me that his name was familiar. Could he be related to Ms. Masen? I didn't want to ask just then as we walked down to the street. "I'm Edward Cullen."

When we got to the curb, Carlisle told me more about the pickup.

"It's over fifteen years old, but it runs just fine," He pulled out the keys from his pocket and held it out to me. He had to jingle it a bit until I realized he wanted me to take it. I opened the passenger door for him and then went around to the driver side to get in. "Go ahead, start her up." He urged me.

"Sorry, I've never driven a truck before," I apologized for my lack of awareness. I had to blame it on all the cars I've ever own that were easy sedan automatics and with all the trimmings. I never had to 'manual' anything. So after I turned on the ignition, I instinctively looked down my right side to find just the bench seating. "The shift is where?"

Carlisle tapped on the handle that stuck out from the steering wheel and then pointed at the dashboard where it showed that the pickup was currently in park. "Step on the breaks and then pull it down out of park to drive." He pointed at the dashboard again. "D."

It was like I was in driver's education all over again. "Thanks."

"Take her around the block," Carlisle directed me. "Ah, couple of times if you like to get a feel for it. I've taken very good care of this one. Maintenance all updated, oil recently changed, new tires and windshield wiper just replaced. I've got all the papers, so it's all ready to go for the next owner to take care of her."

"That sounds great," I replied, already sold on the incentives on top of the pickup itself. By the end of the street, I was getting used to ruggedness of the drive. It felt authentic against the mountainous roads as opposed to the long stretch of freeways I was accustomed to.

"What'd you think so far?" Carlisle asked solemnly.

"I'm thinking I could really get used to this," I answered bravely and comfortably. The truck being a different kind of drive was the main reason why. But I wondered why a man who seems to have taken good care of the truck would part with it. "If you don't mind me asking…why are you selling, if it's such a good running truck?"

I looked over at the corner of my eye to see Carlisle twitch his moustache when I asked him that. I didn't think my question was too outspoken, but it appeared it might have hit a nerve. Even so, I made a turn around on another block to hear the man out some more.

"Used to belong to my wife." Carlisle paused in silence before continuing. "This truck was her baby. Loved it like it was her oversized purse or something. I ran a hardware store before my knee injury, so she drove me there every day before she went to work. She's gone now and so is the store, so I don't really have use for it anymore."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Seeing the change in the look of his eyes made me feel bad for asking.

"Oh, it's alright, my boy," he brushed off my sympathy as if it were nonsense. "I've been holding on to this one too many years too long already. It should be given better use than to sit in my driveway going nowhere and doing nothing. It's better in someone else's hands." He patted the dashboard.

"Well, I'm not from around here, so I could definitely take it places," I said optimistically. "I mean, as you've seen already, I'm currently limited to as far as my legs can take me. It would be nice to give them a rest."

"You're driving it just fine, Edward," Carlisle commented warmly to me, as I turned the corner to return back. "You're going to go places you've haven't been before riding behind this wheel. Enjoy it."

I was little proud that I caught on quick and thanked him. I was prepared to accept whatever Carlisle would offer as a price. It wasn't like I was at a sleazy used car dealership. I was down the street from where I have been staying for the last two months. Buying this pickup and taking it as my own could be my token towards my change. Like my dream that purged to tell me. All I had to do was take it in. That and Carlisle looked pretty eager to take this truck off his hands.

Carlisle gave me a warm smile that matched with a more pleased expression on his face. "I'll tell you what. I'll work with you on a price we can both agree with."

I smiled in return.


	15. Chapter 13 Red Blondie Told Me

**Chapter 13 Red Blondie Told Me So**

_Edward_

"Seriously."

I looked down dubiously at myself oblivious to whatever it was that made Jasper look at me disapprovingly. "What?"

"Please lose the pea coat, scarf and black shoes, man," Jasper crooned annoyingly. "You're not going to a job interview. We're just hanging out again."

"What shoes do I wear then?" We were standing in front of the brewery where Jasper and Emmett met with me as planned. They were surprised to hear that I didn't need them to pick me up and even more surprised to find me drive up all on my own without a staled gear in the truck. I was glad to pull in smooth enough where they were more impressed than teasing with me, greeting me with high fives and hoots and hollering. However, my outfit was a different story.

Jasper paused stupidly for a second and then swatted his hand in the air. "Alright, just leave the scarf and the professor coat."

Obeying his command, I took off the pea coat and Bella's scarf to throw back into the truck. I caught myself staring at the scarf for a moment before slamming my door shut.

Walking in the brewery started to feel like a regular thing now. I was beginning to see why locals would just go to one particular spot and just be fine with that. Going to where everybody knows your name seemingly sounded too corny than I would have been comfortable with when I first got here. But different now when a piece of me feels like I've become a small part of it.

The bartender, James, immediately spotted us as we walked up to the counter. "Hey, fellas."

"Hey James, the usual please?" Emmett put up three fingers indicating how many and Joe confirming with a simple nod.

"You got it," James turned to his shelf to grab the notorious beer mugs to fill.

I looked around, not nervously, but trying hard to be casual and I was getting a little awkward with where to put my hands since I was without my coat. I was happy to get my hands on that beer mug just to have my hand placed somewhere.

"So I called that art gallery chick," Jasper lightly clinked his mug with mine. "You said open."

I felt my eyebrows rise in surprise.

"Easy," Jasper put his hands up in gesture to relax me. "You've both meet before, she's already into you. And she's not coming alone so she's not the only option."

"I don't even remember her name." Not presently excited, I took a long sip of my beer.

"Jessica." Jasper looked sternly at me as if to warn me to not forget it.

"You can get to know more than her name if you're lucky," Emmett chimed in with a chuckle.

Jasper winked and knocked my elbow with his. "Which is why you got the truck, right?"

I didn't answer that. "Guys…" I started to say. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

But then Jasper cut me off as he looked away. "They're here."

And before I could say anything else, I heard the clicking of multiple pairs of heels and giggling coming towards us. There were three girls, dressed to impress and, no different from anywhere else in world, with an agenda to look for a good time. With or without us guys.

The blond was wearing a tight strapless red dress with black high heeled stilettos carrying a matching black clutch. She still looked recognizable from when I saw her last with her glasses on, but more attractive then I remembered. She definitely stood out just by her ostentatious outfit that clashed against the scene of a rundown local bar with wooden barstools.

"Hi Edward," she smiled at me first with a little glimmer of her white teeth. Then taking two seconds of taking her eyes off of me, she quickly acknowledged Jasper and Emmett. "Jasper. Emmett, nice to see you, again."

"Likewise, gorgeous," Emmett greeted back with his overt charming voice and a wink. Was he purposely this suave? He turned to the other girls who came in with Jessica. "Ladies, how about a drink?"

Jessica took her courteous smile away from Emmett and brought her come hither stance closer to me and wasted no time to show her obvious interest.

"I thought we would meet again at the gallery for business," Jessica lowered her voice enough just for me to hear. Her eyes gazed at mine with feathery lashes. "But at a bar for pleasure is more fun isn't it?"

Was that a real question or a statement? I smiled but avoided her unwavering eye contact as I was a little taken back by her boldness. Was this girl actually coming on this strong?

"I mean, less pretentiousness, right?" She pulled back and cozily leaned on her arm against the bar counter. She cocked her head slightly to the side, which made her golden hair flow right over her bare shoulder. "You can let your guard down."

I decided to play a little, not feeling mean to brush her off, but also intrigued enough to see what this girl was really about. Why was she so interested in me? I leaned in on the counter opposite of her so that we were now face to face.

"Do you usually have them up?" I asked, careful to use my voice as casual as possible.

"It depends," she started to say, as she twisted her body to lean back on the counter with both of her elbows rested against it. She curled a smile and as she looked down, I took notice of her long feathery lashes again. "I'll tell you if you take a shot with me."

"A shot of what?" I was flabbergasted. She wanted to take a shot of liquor just like that? "Umm, you know…I've got…" I raised my still half filled mug of beer.

"Oh come on," She cut me off disgustedly, as if she wasn't taking no for an answer. She turned back around to face the bar. "James. Two shots of Juggernauts here, thanks."

James immediately nodded in compliance to her fast request and I had no choice but to comply as well.

"What the heck is that?" I asked dubiously, already not fairly fond of the shot by the name alone.

"Jagermeister and Jack Daniels with a touch of melon liquor," she answered so quickly I almost didn't believe her.

"Together?" I had asked stupidly.

"Yeah, that's what a shot is, where are you from?" Jessica lightly chuckled and then brushed her hand on my shoulder. She slid over the shot glass, which was more like a short tumbler, filled with the brown liquid substance that already was scented with the awful mixture of licorice and sweet whiskey.

Not quite eager but also not reluctant enough, I dove in.

We cheered our shot together and I felt the burn immediately. It was only weeks ago that I had my first beer again in almost a year. This was already going in the wrong direction. But I was reined in and there wasn't really anywhere else to go, I would be sorely rude to leave now.

"Oh geez that was harsh," I said under my alcohol tainted breath. I had no choice but to chase my shot with the rest of my beer and before I knew it, being suddenly empty in both hands wasn't acceptable to this girl.

"Two more, James." I heard her say after I regained consciousness.

"Are you serious?" I chuckled, apprehensive to what my state of being could be in the next twenty minutes. "I thought I was wagering shots for your thoughts. You owe me one."

"To answer your question, I don't always have my guards up," Jessica said furtively with a sly smile. "It depends on the company. It could be way down." She looked up at me with a bashful smile. "Okay, it's your turn."

"I thought I was doing this to hear yours." I felt my eyelids weigh a little heavy.

Jessica systematically replaced my empty beer mug that I was still holding on to with another shot glass filled with the Juggernaut liquid. She lightly clanked her shot glass with mine.

"Well, now I'm taking one for your thoughts," she replied before we simultaneously took another shot together. "So tell me. What brings you to this neck of the woods away from your beaches?"

"I take it Jasper told you I wasn't from around here," I figured it was might have been a bit of background information he felt at liberty to say.

Jessica blushed again. "No, actually your billing address on the painting invoice did."

I could tell that her previous risqué demeanor was starting to shed, and maybe it was because she was letting her guard down. But I still didn't know this girl very well and she wasn't entitled to anything that was truly in my thoughts. The thoughts that abide my life every day.

"I needed a vacation," I said, sticking to the usual story. "I was a workaholic. I worked all day and went to school all night. Needless to say, it was getting the best of me. Taking time off was long overdue."

"Which means you'll be going back to where you came from," she concluded for me with a slight tilted nod. "And how soon is that Mr. Cullen?"

Hearing my surname uttered formally by this bold woman was making me flushed with a smile. Or was it the effects of the alcohol kicking in, but I wasn't exactly sure. "I'm not exactly sure. But I do know I'm not leaving tomorrow."

I was beginning to feel the inebriated effects of the shots and a warm spot was filling up at the bottom of my chest. Quickly turning to the James, who immediately caught my gaze, obviously pleased with the result of the Juggernaut concoction, was also happy to hand me and Jessica two glasses of ice water.

"You know, I'm a workaholic myself and I'm very good at what I do," she said before I could say anything else. As she traced her flawlessly manicured finger down the icy condensation of her water glass, I noticed that she wore no rings. "But it's not all fun and games though. Being in the business of selling art puts me in a high strung atmosphere and the interactions are often more stressful than most people may think. Having to change myself as much as a chameleon does to cater to any haughty clientele is kind of an art form in itself. Which is why on my time off, I don't mind letting go a little. If I allowed my work with art to consume me all the time, I'd be a hypocrite to despise selling something that's supposed to be enjoyable." She was grinning now as if she had something to confess. "So, however long or short of time you have left here, Edward…make it worth your while. Enjoy yourself while you have the chance."

I thought about that for a moment. My intention for coming here was to begin the healing process so I could regain the strength to move on with my life. I never contemplated how long it would take me to get there. It wasn't like I had a timeline figured out. I was at a stagnant state with waiting out every day that I've been here living away from home, in this small, quaint town. I had not really taken charge with what changes I need to make to feel a real progress.

"You're right," I agreed. "I should." And it was this very moment that I thought of Bella, and I smiled thinking about my time with her as I gazed away from Jessica's stare.

Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a still figure in the distance at the front entrance. Blinking to focus my slightly hazy vision, I tried to make out why this person seemed familiar with the brown hair and dark blouse. Could it be Bella? No. Bella usually had her hair in a ponytail and this person had her hair down and curled in waves. And was wearing tight blue jeans with her hands in the pockets and wearing…high heels?

The girl subtly flipped her hair to the side, turning her head over her shoulder just enough to almost look in my direction. I held in a breath as I stared in clear view of just the profile of her face and bright red lips, and saw that this person _was _Bella. But I was dumbfounded to believe that the second I was thinking of her, that she would magically appear before my eyes. And look so differently. Was she just a figment of my imagination? Have I gone delusional?

I wanted to call out her name to have this figure confirm what I was seeing. But as soon as she turned her head to catch a glimpse in my direction, I saw her eyes. It expressed what I feared. Hurt. She turned away, swiftly pulling out of her hands out of her pockets to open the door and she walked out. And just like that, the girl was gone. Something inside me was urging me to go after her and find out if it was really Bella who I saw.

"Edward?"

Jessica's voice interrupted my daze and I suddenly felt dizzy from the alcohol kicking in and my ability to focus was frayed. The strange sighting of Bella all dressed up with attire I have never seen on her before was making me second guess what I really just saw.

"Edward, are you okay?" Jessica called out to me again with a concern look on her face and I realized that I had no idea how long I had been ignoring Jessica. "Edward."

"Ah, I-I'm sorry," I stumbled my words to apologize. "But I thought…I gotta go…" I abruptly put my glass back down on the counter, ready to walk out without an explanation.

"Whoa, mister!" Jessica pulled me by my arm to stop me before I could take another step. I looked at her dubiously as she shook her head disapprovingly. She gently led me to the stool next to her. "Here sit. You are a light weight, I could tell. And you cannot leave just yet. Not like this."

It was obviously to me that I was about to react on emotions, and I had almost curtailed the one thing I vowed never to do. I was intoxicated, and whether I was going no further than the sidewalk or streets, I had my responsibility to not walk out of the bar until I was fit to. And if it was really Bella who I saw, it was probably best to not have her see me this way. And it was at the very last second before she left, that I could have sworn I thought I saw something upsetting in her face.

"Edward, you have to chill out." Jessica put a steady a hand on my shoulder unsure if I would bolt out. But my head was suddenly spinning and I didn't have the focus to take another step.

"I'm sorry," I spoke with a light slumber. I was nearly ashamed of my reaction and also still under the influence. "I thought I saw someone I knew walk out."

She scoffed at me. "You are something, Mr. Cullen."

Letting go of me, Jessica motioned for James's attention. "Ale, please James. Just one."

For the next hour, I sat there on the bar stool having a light conversation with Jessica and infinite refills of ice water. We casually talked about her work and what I did before I came here, what she did before coming here. She was originally from New York and after years of the same art scene in the big city, she decided to do the opposite of what most people would do to feed their inspiration. She came here to a smaller town instead to move on in a different setting. A similar act I could say that I was doing. And yet after talking for quite a while about ourselves, I never had to expand any further about the real reason why I left home. She respectfully accepted my generic responses when it came too close to that topic, where it made me wonder if she knew I was keeping something hidden.

Jessica sighed a smile at me, with a kind look that told me she decided she was only interested in us as friends. Probably catching on from the fact that I did zero flirting with her. But nonetheless, we had a normal conversation just talking about anything and nothing all the same and all the same kind of conversation I would have had with Jasper.

"Edward, Edward," Jessica shook her head knowingly. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

I looked down at my empty glass and still cold with such symbolic feeling of it at the moment. Empty.

"I hope so, too."


	16. Chapter 14 Get Out of My Head

**The next two chapters will be BPOV.**

**Chapter 14 Get Out of My Head**

_Bella_

Lying restlessly in bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about what I saw and what felt like the worst realization of Edward I could imagine that came to life. I tried desperately to fall asleep. At least when I was with Jacob I could let my mind wander until I dozed off. But this picture in my head…

Edward with another girl.

_Am I just too susceptible to this kind of thing? _ _This is ridiculous. There is no Edward and I. I shouldn't feel jealous. _

The alarm clock on the bed stand read two o'clock in the morning. I had been up laying here in bed for the last three hours, contemplating why I felt such strong hopelessness to see that I was no competition against the art gallery chick and I probably would not see Edward again after they hook up. I couldn't even reason why I decided to go to the bar with Alice to spy on Jasper in the first place. And how I was convinced by Alice to curl my hair and borrow her high heel shoes was beyond me. Edward is gorgeous and could get any girl he chooses to even wink to. How stupid of me to think that Edward didn't have other interests. Of course he would. Why wouldn't he have a chance to look for someone? Anyone besides me. Rejected. I got passed up.

The whole week had gone by without a call from Edward and no calls from me in return. It was like our bond was suddenly severed. Broken. I was retreated by to my life as it was before Edward. But not quite because my memory wasn't erasing him from it. And now, on the brink of finally feeling some relief of my breakup with Jacob, it was like I just had another one to follow.

Hugging my pillow tight and wrapped up under the covers, I shut my eyes vowing not to open them again until it was morning. In my head, I recalled my conversation with Alice when she had checked on me earlier to see how I was doing.

"You fell for him didn't you?" she asked. Reading me at the moment was just too easy, especially after running out of the bar like I did.

"I can't think about anyone else," I confessed, avoid eye contact and playing with the edge of my pillow. Even though my confession didn't matter now, it was somewhat relieving to tell someone about it other than keeping it a secret in my head. "He's..."

"What…different?" Alice interrupted, somewhat read my mind. She spoke more sincerely. "I'm sorry I dragged you there and you ended up seeing that, but you're feeling a need to be rebounded."

"Edward was not that." I protested, refusing to believe that our time together was a meaningless filler to get over my relationship with Jacob. We had connected; or so I thought. Now, after seeing the full picture that I really did feel something for Edward when that feeling was driven by jealousy, I wasn't sure how real they were.

"Then you can easily let him go, because you deserve better," Alice spoke like a defensive player on my team. And painfully reminded me how déjà vu-ish this was starting to sound. "So what he was with another girl. You don't have to be okay with that. Even if he thinks you're just friends."

"I know," I cringed on how matter-of-fact of Alice's words that seemed so true. Then it came to my mind that Alice must have known that Edward was going to be there. She had told me she wanted to keep tabs on Jasper but did she do this on purpose knowing that Edward would be there too? My realization washed over my face as I asked her this. "Alice, did you want me to see Edward with another girl?"

Alice leaned back and by the look on her succumbed face she had answered my question.

"I didn't know you had feelings for him already," she explained quietly with pouted lips. "I thought if you saw that he didn't have potential, you could save yourself the time to not get hurt again."

I didn't have anything to say to that, not knowing if it could be true or not. Maybe because I was already hurt and I couldn't see through what it would have been if I had not seen Edward again after that night at the art gallery. The universe must have a plan for me, whether or not this was just my hurdle.

"So, don't get yourself hurt anymore and let him go," Alice urged me. "There's going to be someone that'll make you so happy you don't even know it. But it's too soon right now, isn't it? You need time."

"Okay, I get it," I sighed already disappointment in myself for thinking I could make such a ridiculous move on Edward. "I'll move on. Again."

"Go to sleep," Alice's eyes pleaded with me as she tucked me in under the covers. "Tomorrow is new." She leaned in to give me a tight hug. "You're my best friend and I'm just looking out for you."

And once Alice flipped my lights off before retreating back to her room, I immediately saw the one face I couldn't get out of my mind, even as I closed my eyes. The face of Edward the day I first met him at the art studio. His green eyes yielding nothing but honesty and truth of his connection to my painting and to me. I thought we had something. I thought we had a connection.

The hours were going by relentlessly slow, taking every thought just seconds to cross my mind as I recalled the first moments I had with Edward up until now. The day he saved me from the street corner. The night we shared together during the storm. The afternoon we spent painting the fence as he spilled his deepest sorrow to me. The warmth of comfort he emitted when I embraced him.

I stopped there. I needed the last thought to be what I remembered best about Edward. And it was then I was finally able to slumber to sleep.

His warm breath collided against my neck that erupted fervor deep within my chest to the slight tingle in my toes. My upper teeth immediately grabbed my lower lip in an effort to hold in the giddiness that desperately wanted to escape like a dropped soda can ready to burst. His hand slid into perfect fit with mine. I could feel our smile radiating on each other as I inched closer. Sights and sounds made no difference to me. I didn't care for where I was or who might be around. As long as I could feel his touch, his presence, and his warmth, it was all that mattered.

_Please kiss me. Please let me know this is true._

And then our lips met in complete agreement, as if my wish had been granted.

_Tap, tap. Tap, tap._

I was abruptly awoken by a repeated tapping sound. A little disturbed that I was out of my sleep from a strange sound coming from the darkness, I slowly sat up and stayed on my bed for a minute before moving. The tapping stopped and I was beginning to think that maybe it was nothing.

Until I saw a shadow move from the slight gapped view in between the curtains of the bedroom window. Regretful now for not closing it before, but I had left it open hoping the sun would wake me and have me forget about the last night. Unfortunately, it was not morning yet.

I flipped my covers over and reluctantly got out of bed to check the window. Maybe it was just a deer or animal passing by. As I got closer to the window, I saw that the shadow was now making a shapely form against the window. I stood in place waiting to trying to focus in the dark what was outside, and then nearly jumped back when suddenly the shape moved and the tapping resumed.

I gasped. Someone was standing outside my window.

And then I heard my name from a voice I sorely recognized and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Bella."

Surprised to see Edward, I immediately drew the curtains and opened the windows.

"Edward! What are you going here?" I whispered loudly. I couldn't wake Alice, but the slight of Edward suddenly appearing after thinking about him took me by surprise.

"Hi, I'm sorry I scared you, but it's late and I didn't want to wake Alice." Edward stepped up on top of a small boulder right below the window, and we were nearly face to face. His green eyes appeared tired and looked at me with a kind of hopeful stare and something else that I couldn't quite make out. He reached into his jacket, pulled out the scarf I had put on him the morning he walked home and handed it to me. "My excuse."

"It couldn't have waited until morning?" I hadn't thought that Edward would return the scarf and it made me feel a little shot down that he did, but coming here in late in the night to do it was questionable.

Edward nervously chuckled."No. I guess not."

There was a slight incoherence that was coming off of Edward I had not seen before. "Um, I had a few beers with Jasper and Emmett at the bar. They introduced me to some – ladies." Edward shamefully smiled as he was looking down on the ground. He didn't look up at me and it was like he was almost talking to himself. He made a slight grimace and shook his head disapprovingly. "It didn't work out."

"What a shame," I mumbled. A little irritated to hear Edward confirm that I saw him drinking at the bar, but there was no need to hear about his pursuits of other women, so I probed further about his sudden visit instead. "So, you just wanted to return the scarf?"

Edward looked away reluctantly, without an answer. I grew restless for whatever reason really brought him over here in the middle of the night.

"Why are you really here, Edward?" I whispered tautly. The image of that girl with Edward was suddenly appeared fresh on my mind. And Edward being here probably out of guilt only made that part of my conscious that much more perturbed.

Edward pulled his eyebrows together and paused with his mouth opened ajar like he was afraid with what he wanted to say next. "I know I saw you there. You looked upset and took off."

I knew why, but I wasn't prepared to tell Edward this way. What was I suppose to tell him? That I thought something of him and had turned too jealous after seeing he was with another girl? I would sound like such a fool, even if Edward was drunk enough to not comprehend it. But he wasn't. And I didn't want to pinch myself to see if this was all a dream. The comfort that I had always gotten from Edward, an easy indulgence before, was edging off in way that I didn't want to. It was turning into mad butterflies.

"Alice dragged me down there, and I wasn't up for it," I knew saying just that wasn't enough, but nerves were creeping in. And thanks to the icy cold night air, hotness was making a presence in my cheeks. This was taking me back to when I first met Edward at the art studio. Appearing so vulnerable, susceptible to an open wound, trying to find hope in a connection he had with my painting. On top of that, I knew I wasn't being fair to Edward.

"Oh I see," He responded to my answer in a way that seems to confirm a dejection he might have been expecting. I couldn't blame him. "You never called you know."

His fallen expression was the only reaction needed to confirm right that second of my guilt about not telling him the truth. Here he stood in front of me like the day we first met. How I was able to tell him everything else except for how I felt about him was getting me all flustered. That was the thing. This was about him. I knew I had to tell him. I closed my eyes and grinded my teeth, wanting so badly to have my words come out easy.

_Edward, I didn't call you because I was scared._

But before I could contemplate what to say without sounding too stupid, it started to rain fast and hard.

Edward abruptly pushed away against the window. Realization of where he was suddenly washed over his stunned face as water droplets began to form around his golden brown hair. It was like the rain was coming to take away my chance to redeem myself. Unapologetic and unpredictable. The rain was about to take Edward away.

"Edward, get out of the rain," I immediately demanded in a harsh whisper. In a panic, I reached out to grab his sleeve to pull him in through the window somehow, but he stood frozen in place. With that same vacant despondent look in his face again, he took a small step back. His green eyes, beautiful and captivating as the first time I've seen them, now masked something that appeared wounding.

"I should go," Edward looked confused and gently pulled away from my grasp. "I'm really sorry I…intruded." He said the last word pointedly. He took another step off the boulder out of my reach and turned his back to me, facing the road in the darkness. And without even a goodbye, Edward ran into the rain away from me. My chance was running away from me.

"Edward!" I tried to call out without yelling, but my voice sounded lost in the rain, and I no longer could see Edward. "Edward..."

He never turned around and within seconds he was gone in the blackness of the rain.


	17. Chapter 15 It Was Real

**Chapter 15 It was Real**

_Bella_

My guilt was now turning into worry. Was he going to walk all the way back home? Was he even alright? What if he got hit by a car? Something snapped in inside of me and I had to do something, and without rationalizing any other thoughts of my actions other than to get to Edward again, I raced to grab my keys forgoing my raincoat. As quickly and quietly as I could, I climbed out of my window and carefully closed it shut behind me. The rain was coming down harder and my worries heightened as I ran across the yard and down the driveway to where I hoped to find Edward not too far down the road. But I didn't get far, because something by the side of the road stopped me in place.

I could see the backside of Edward as he was walking towards what looked like a pickup.

"Edward!" I yelled out this time. "Edward, wait!"

I stopped just behind him, as he turned around just as surprised as I was. "Bella, what are you doing?"

"Ah," I was at a loss for words. My original instinct was to get Edward back so that I could at least take him home myself, but it was obvious with the pickup that he did not get here by foot. I didn't want Edward to leave again, so I quickly made up an excuse. "Ah, I'm taking you home. You don't look fit to drive."

"Bella, I drove here, I wouldn't—"He stopped short looking at me as if I had said the silliest thing to him and then we both realized that we were getting drench still standing in the downpour of the rain. Edward swiftly turned back to the pickup, opened the driver's side door and climbed in grabbing me with him across the bench seating. I was now seating in the driver's seat with Edward sitting in the passenger seat. I took our placement in the truck as indication to go forth with my plans.

"Okay, g-g-give me the k-keys," I demanded over my chattering teeth. The wet icy chill over took me and I was shivering uncontrollably.

"Hold on," Edward flipped the heater on high then he looked at me with a stern look. "Do you think I'm drunk or something?"

"I'm..al-ready right… here," I insisted as strongly as I could through my staggered breathes, ignoring his question. I didn't care anymore if I was a bit overreacting. I didn't want Edward to leave if I could somehow get any reason behind this strange movement in my heart for him. Apprehension and precaution was going out the door. "Edward - give me your keys so I can take you home." I clenched my teeth down to sound as serious as I could, but the blast of the heated air stunned me more against my drenched shirt and I was shaking out of control.

He reacted oddly to my statement, blinking his eyelids rapidly at me as if I had just magically appeared in front of him. And like getting caught from falling in mid air again, Edward scooted across the seat and suddenly scooped me into his arms, rubbing my back in an effort to stop my shivering. The heat from his body immediately calmed me like a warm blanket and I began to breathe normally.

He pulled my body closer against his chest and I felt pleasantly squeezed into his all too knowing comfort. "Bella," he whispered in my ear, pleading to convince me. "You know I'm fine." He gently loosened his hold to scan my face, looking to see if I believed him.

"I was actually going to drive you with my car," I heard myself still slightly stammer my words. My adrenaline was still pumped from the feel of Edward's embrace as I stared backed at him, realizing that he appeared more composed now than he was just moments ago outside my window. "I—I didn't know you drove here yourself."

"Bella," Edward's voice was low and saddened and the more he said my name, I was compelled to confess the truth to him. "I came over because I thought you were upset at me. I saw it in your eyes when you left the bar." His brows were furrowed with seriousness. "I didn't want you feel like that with me. And I tried to leave, but I couldn't."

I was a little puzzled by that. "Couldn't?"

"I had to wait to leave," He said disgustedly, loosening his grasp and slumping back into his seat. His arms were still gently wrapped around my waist and I could see the green in his eyes were barely visible from the shadows that were casted around them. He looked so tired.

I sat there without a response because I really couldn't decide if I was upset at him anymore. I could have told Edward the truth five minute ago and I was irritably cringing on the inside. For the last week, I was on a rollercoaster ride that didn't seem to end. Being with Edward was my high point and not being with him was somewhere in the middle, where the low points were stemmed from was me second guessing myself. How could I be falling for another man so fast? What did Edward want or not with me? Was our time together just platonic?

Edward sighed in defeat and letting go of me to bring out his palm with his keys in it.

"Here," He reached over to grab my right hand and gently place his keys in my palm.

I must have appeared too determined to him to not go anywhere until I had my way. And when I looked up to see Edward, even with his tired eyes and half smile, giving in to my demands, I saw my second opportunity to tell him everything. Possession of the keys meant I had possession of Edward for the moment. He was so vulnerable to me now. Or was I?

I carefully stuck the keys into the ignition and turned it as the engine roared loud above the sound of the now thunderous rain. I pulled my seatbelt across me and fastened it, eyeing Edward to see if he had done the same, and at that second that I did he was already following through checking me as well.

We drove in silence for the first few minutes, letting the downpour of the rain be the only sound around us. I kept my eyes on the road, afraid to look at Edward, not wanting to see his face and how it would reflect what he was really thinking of me that very moment. And still patiently waiting, I had to explain myself. Searching for the right words to say to Edward was easy. Everything came to mind about how I felt about him. But saying it to him was the hard part. So I started off with the simplest to clarify.

"I'm not upset at you, Edward." Going back to what he said earlier. "I'm just slightly confused."

"You're confused," Edward repeated my statement.

I felt my lips purse hard. "At you."

"Me?" His reply peaked to a surprised voice. "How am I making you confused? I mean this would be a very peculiar way of getting back at me by taking me home. So, tell me more."

Energy was pumping inside my chest as questions ran through my head. My senses told me that we were just friends, but something else inside me ached wanting to know if there was more.

"Are we just friends, Edward?" I asked boldly.

Edward didn't answer me and I could feel him shifting his weight towards me. His reaction was something I didn't want to see, but his silence was more nerve wracking. The cottage was only a few more blocks away. My opportunity was about to end. I just had to come out with it.

"Alice wanted to check up on Jasper, which is why we went to the bar," I started to explain. "She also thought that if I saw you there, I'd see that you were just a rebound guy."

And with a deep breath, and a low mumbling I confessed. "And so I saw you with a girl and that's when I left." I quickly added with a shrug.

I had to glance over now, and when I did, Edward had on a barely visible stoic expression on his face.

But I could tell by the still look in his eyes that he was seeing a different side of me.

"Why did you leave?" Edward asked curiously, obviously ignoring any neutral attempt.

"Why did you? Why didn't any of those girls work out?" I sarcastically hedged back.

Edward didn't turn to me. "I came to see you."

I nodded with my pursed lips again, feeling my boldness fading. "I left because I saw that you were on a date with someone." Edward kept his expression unchanged while I tried to explain. "I didn't want to interfere." Gritting my teeth. I couldn't even say the real truth. Why was this so hard?

And Edward didn't try to stop me.

I stared at him blankly, taken back a little by the bit of unyielding tone in his voice with answering my question. After parking the truck at the curb in front of the cottage, I decided to just go for it. Was he feeling guilty for leading me on now? What do I have to lose now? I was here and I came this far and once again, trapping Edward like a hostage and I couldn't get it together enough to tell him the truth. Geez, for goodness sakes, what was I doing?

"Look, I left because I got jealous. Maybe if I just acted like it was nothing it wouldn't be so silly." I let my eyes stay glued to the steering wheel. My face was flushing with more hotness.

"Jealous?" Edward's surprised voice startled me, but I was steady.

"Yeah," I answered shortly. And now I just feel a little stupid.

Edward remained quiet again, like he was trying to absorb the signs that were so telling that I had feelings for him and probably running through his mind how to let me down easy. But I wasn't looking for easy. I wanted it cut and dry. Does he need another hint?

"Are you trying to be careful with me, Edward?" I asked him seriously. "Am I an eggshell because I just got out of a relationship?"

I could see his eyes returning a gaze of the same seriousness, which made me afraid that maybe my confession might have backfired and maybe now Edward was mad at me for spying on him.

Edward quickly peered out of the windshield and opened his passenger door to get out. I watched in anticipation if he was going to leave, but then not quite relieved as I saw him walk over to the driver side door opening it to face me. He leaned in with one hand against the edge of the car door and the other at the edge of the door frame. With his face was so close to me, I could smell nothing but the mint gum in his breath and the faint scent of his intoxicating cologne. It was no longer raining hard, but his hair was getting damp from the mist that was still lingering.

"I care about you, Bella. If doing that make me careful with you then yes. But I don't walk on eggshells around you, if that's what you mean." Then he spoke softer, almost under his breath. "And I didn't mean for you to get upset earlier. I was trying to avoid that."

_Okay, maybe here it comes. The rejection. _I readied myself to hear it all.

"I have to be honest," Edward spoke softly as he leaned in closer to me. "Despite Jasper's good intentions of trying to match me up with someone, it was my own doing that I went along with it because I was afraid of getting too close to you."

"Too close to me?" My face dropped. Intrigued that Edward was thinking of getting close to me, but also saddened at the same time that he purposely stood his distance, was definitely something I had not expected to hear.

"Your friends don't want to see you hurt either," Edward said this slowly to make sure I understood every word. "They might have thought I could try to pursue you and I heeded it as their warning to keep my interests at bay." His shoulder slumped and he then took a step back. The sudden widening space between us began to feel like an unwanted gap that hit me like a visual impact of exactly what Edward was saying to me. He didn't want to be close to me. "They're just looking out for you. I didn't want to cause trouble, but I am sorry to have confused you. It was not my intention. I like being with you." Edward's eyes softened and I could see in the shadow of the moonlight, his face grimaced again with pain. "But you're vulnerable right now, Bella. I don't want to be the next guy to break your heart. We both know how painful it is."

The night's conversation was definitely taking a turn that I didn't anticipate. Here I was, sitting in Edward's truck, listening to everything we were saying to each other. And then it hit me. We didn't want to hurt each other with our own indiscretions. He didn't want to hurt me because he thought I was still vulnerable and I didn't want to hurt him for the same reason. We were both broken people with damaged hearts. But I knew I was on the verge of being selfish enough to take him regardless any way I could. I just couldn't breathe without him with me. I needed him. The past was beginning to ease up its ache on me and I was looking forward to the future. Especially if Edward was in it. And I wanted to take the chance of being with him, even if it means getting hurt again.

I climbed out of the driver's seat and closed the door. A gust of wind that chilled against my skin made me want to get closer to Edward to feel his warm touch again and close the gap that was like an invisible barrier keeping us apart. Slowly, I stepped over to face him closing the gap with just a few feet in between us. He had his hands in his pockets as he stood motionless just like the first time I saw him in the art studio. Still vulnerable, but honest.

"Edward, you haven't hurt me in any way since I've met you," I said intuitively, and I hoped my eyes willed him to see the truth in that. But I sighed knowing that tonight wasn't exactly pointing that truth. "Except for tonight." Edward huffed at himself. "But it's because you've been more to me than you probably think. I want you around. And not because I'm broken and I need someone to fix me but…just by being near you – I already feel safe. I feel warm. You can't hurt me when you're with me. And I don't care if you think you can. I still want…" But then I stopped short to catch my breath. "…to be with you."

His eyes widened with intensity and it had frightened me a little that maybe I said too much. I bit my bottom lip and nervously looked away from him. I didn't want to see anymore of his face, because I was by now beyond embarrassment. This was a sheer leap of faith. Not hearing a word from him, made me want to go crawl under a boulder nearby and hide. Suddenly, I was aware of my hard furrowed brows and I couldn't remove the strain from my temples that was probably not convincing Edward of anything I just said. So I swiftly turned away from Edward and stared at the woods.

Although I stood still, my heart was pumping hard like it would at any moment scream out through the top of my lungs. It was a feeling more real to me now, how tangible my feelings were exposed for him. And it was all for nothing but another heartache in return.

"Bella," his voice strained a whisper from behind me, but I didn't return a response.

I felt a warm hand gently placed next to mine, and it was like an electric shock pulsating through and I was instantly connected. A barrier was broken through. Edward slowly moved his hand to grab mine. I turned around, with our hands together and he stood there within an arm's length from me. His eyes were now reflecting a faded shade of green against the moonlight that softened with the smile on his smooth face. They no longer appeared tired, but still I couldn't read them. I felt my brows loosen and my heart drop a beat.

"Please don't turn away," he coaxed me with his velvety voice.

"I'm being blunt…I'm talking too much," I started to mumble mindlessly without good reason. Maybe saving some humility with an apology was better than scaring Edward off because of my juvenile confession. But I remained still steady with the touch of his hand on mine. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all…"

And then he stepped closer as he softly hushed me and leaned closer. I took this moment to notice his lips transforming into a small smile with an awkward expression I had never seen on Edward before. It was like he was reflecting the same scrunched feeling in my chest, waiting for an immense release.

"Then don't say any more," Edward whispered tenderly. "I believe you."

And with that, I felt my heart skip a beat. And like his words were spoken true, his eyes met mine and he didn't have to say any more for me to be convinced. I wanted Edward. I totally believed that.

He lifted one hand to slide up my chin and into my hair around my neck. His warm touch was enthralling and I immediately closed my eyes with his sudden stroke, feeling an overwhelming calmness that came with it. I moved my head towards his hand to feel it better against my skin, wanting more of Edward any way I could have it. Because he was my comfort. My bed of roses. This is what I wanted. I wanted Edward to want me back. I opened my eyes again to see that his face was only inches from mine and I felt his warm breath. I can now see that he was looking at me with careful eyes, searching my face for a sign, waiting to see if I was still comfortable with him. I smiled warmly right back at him. He leaned his head over my shoulder and I heard him take in a deep inhale of my scent. It took a mighty strength from me to keep still in his grasp, while his hand cupped my right cheek and his nose lightly nuzzling against my left ear, because I wanted to wrap my arms tightly all around him. And he held me in there momentarily. My heart was about to jump out of my chest anxious to what he was planning to do next.

"Can I kiss you?" Edward whispered in my ear with more warm breath in my hair. It made me slightly shiver and I answered without a second thought.

"Yes." And without a moment to waste, Edward leaned in to kiss me with his soft, gentle lips.

The impact was euphoria.

And I held it off no more. I threw my hands up to hold his face and returned his kiss. Struck with reverence of Edward holding me back with his strong arms had my heart beating a mile a minute. And it ached as fervently as I felt the deep impact of his full lips on mine. A strong sensation was electrifying every part of my body, shocking all the nerves to a central focus. That I am kissing Edward and this very moment affirms all my feelings I have grown for him. Our lips moved in unison, instinctively together in motion, and I was enjoying every second of it. My tongue traced his bottom lip and then suddenly his warm tongue met with mine. Another shockwave. I took in a deep inhale of his scent radiant with the cologne from his skin and the freshness of his clothes. It was clean and sweet. And finally, I let my fingers trail up his thick neck and into his thick bronzed hair, still damp from the rain, but so soft. It felt like a natural instinct to pull his jacket closer so that our bodies crushed against each other as our kissing deepened. I felt Edward's arms hold me tightly, returning the embrace that was so much needed. I had never kissed anyone like I was kissing Edward and it felt new to me and so good. Almost too good.

We pulled back slightly to catch our breaths and something came over me suddenly like a wave of urgency. A rush of happiness on the verge of disappearing. I was afraid it was going to fade away, like in my dreams of the faceless man and our embrace that felt too real and so close to me, lasting only seconds before he was gone and I would wake up disoriented.

"Edward," I said breathlessly, as our foreheads gently rested against each other. "Please don't let go of me." I pleaded. "Please."

I felt Edward squeeze me tighter and then he whispered, "I'm right here."

"You're in my dreams," I said obscurely, half knowing what I was thinking and too exhilarated by our kiss. Instinctively, my fingers lightly drummed against his neck and for some reason Edward smirked at me with his crooked grin and I felt my cheek blush warm.

Edward lifted one arm up with the other still around me and carefully grabbed my hand from around his neck. As he brought it out in between us, his fingers intertwined with mine and our hands were grasped together. It was right then that I was positively convince that it was Edward who I was dreaming of. His hand in mine. My hand in his.

"I dream about you," I tried to explain again and my eyes searched for any reason in his face, but Edward didn't seem fazed by my palpable statements. He brought my palm up to his face with our fingers still intertwined and gently kissed the inside, sending shockwaves of goose bumps up and down my arm.

"I'm still right here," was all he confirmed again with his lips still in my palm, assuring me he was standing there as real as can be. He leaned in to softly kiss my lips and then my forehead.

We were still standing in the front lawn of the cottage, holding each other tightly as if we had nowhere else to go, and it was in that quick moment of pause after our kiss that I finally felt the deep crash of my tiredness. I must have fell limp in Edward's arms because I heard him softly speak again in my ear like a soothing lullaby.

"You and I have had a long night and I need to keep you warm. Let me take you to inside so you can sleep, okay?"

With my sleepy eyes shut down at the sound of Edward's warm voice, the next thing I knew, my weary feet were lifted off from the ground and I was being carried in Edward's strong arms. Not to be let go, I held on to him tight.

* * *

**_I wrote the kissing scene almost a year ago when I first started writing this fanfic. I hope it was worth it! I started off really slow but I wanted intensity to form between them. _**


	18. Chapter 16 Let's Go On a Date

**BPOV **

**Chapter 16 Let's Go On a Date**

I hadn't sleep like that in months. And I didn't care that it was over. I slept well and that was all that mattered to me. Well, almost.

The morning sun spread across the room like a brand new day and surprisingly I knew exactly where I was. Waking up to a ceiling different from the one in my own bedroom always brought a feeling of strange isolation and it churned in the pit of my stomach. Whether it was a hotel room, a college dorm room or my first apartment away from home; I always hated the moment of waking up, seeing an empty space above me, being unaware of my surroundings, and for that split second, a feeling of abandonment. Even staying at Alice's for weeks now, I still haven't gotten used to sleeping there. But waking up to see the dull, chipped off-white ceiling above me this morning didn't make me feel alone or abandoned. Because I immediately knew who I was with.

Edward was still sounding asleep not far beside me. I could see his body move in unison with his long soft breaths, steady and calm. We were both on his bed but given the small but obvious space in between us, I assumed Edward's propriety was dutiful as he remained on his side.

I slid over closer toward him, reaching out to touch his hair, something that I had wanted to do again since last night. I let my fingers gently glide from the top and all the way to the nape of his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin. Edward's eyes fluttered open, staring blankly at me, and as I quickly pulled my hand back, suddenly wondering if I should have touched him awake. There was a slight apprehension as I quickly came back to reality and realized that last night was a breaking point. I had told Edward that I wanted to be with him. I had told him that he meant more than just a friend to me. Much more that I couldn't even grasp a meaning to it myself. I felt a thick pause in the air because right at this moment, his reaction will say everything; if what happened last night meant something or if it was just a joke. If maybe Edward had come to his senses over night and realized what a lost soul I was and not anywhere near his type. Or his league. And for the dumbest reasons possible, I had fallen asleep after my confession escapade and could not recall much of what happened or any details of the details of last night after we kissed outside.

His eyes softened, and he laid there with no movement on his lips. And I anticipate him to jump out of bed any second now, awkwardly asking me what had happened last night as if we had spent a drunken college night together with no recollection of our fleeting actions.

Instead he rolled over towards me and reached for my hand, holding it up to interlace his fingers with mine. "Well, I'm definitely thankful that we slept on the same end of the bed this time," he mused at me, apparently a bit relieved too. "I hope you don't mind that I carried you here. I would have slept on the floor, but you were adamant on not having me leave you."

Hotness flushed my cheeks, when nothing came to mind. "Really, how so?"

"You had a pretty tight grip on my shirt," Edward answered with a reserved smile. "I had to comply."

"Oh, um I've must have…" I tried to reply back, evoking my brain to recall such memory of that happening, but to no avail. But Edward stopped me from continuing on seeing my struggle for words, and his eyes went to my hair, reaching out with his hand to place a loose strain behind my ear.

"You were just tired," he whispered, and reverted his eyes back to me.

I hadn't planned on a number of things that happened last night, including my impromptu action to take Edward home. Although it was thoroughly driven by radical emotions, I'm couldn't complain. It was all because of my spontaneous doing. From the front lawn to the living room, where in my last memory I could vaguely recall falling asleep in Edward's arms on the sofa. But right now, his eyes were saying all that I need to answer most of my 'ifs' and I was craving more.

Edward propped half way up on his elbow to face me and then he started to lean in slowly towards me. His movement made me leaned back onto the pillow and suddenly I was lying on my back with Edward above me. He gently slid his hand from my collarbone to the nape of my neck and I could feel the electric vibe of our touch starting to hum. It was a different kind of vibe now. We had kissed and everything after that was more intense because of it. The way he looked at me started to grasp new meaning. The touch of his skin against mine felt like we were connected on a new level. His voice even had a way of making my heart beat faster. And when he leaned in to nuzzle his nose against my left ear, I was enthralled. I anticipated what was coming next and was gleefully pleased to predict correctly as he kissed a sensitive spot right below my ear on my neck, giving me chills and goosebumps on my arms.

"Good morning," he whispered with his warm breath against my skin.

"Good morning," I whispered back. This says it all. I didn't need any more proof or confirmation. My doubt took a walk out the door. I couldn't help but smile.

"Would you like some breakfast?" Edward pulled back to sit with his legs crossed in front of me. His green eyes peered up from his slightly bowed head. It was now that I noticed that he was wearing one of his plain white tees with drawstring flannel pants. His hair was an authentic bed head with his golden brown hair in disarray, making his overall appearance boyishly attractive in more ways than one. Then I suddenly began to wonder what I must be wearing. It wasn't like I had brought over a sleepover bag. I immediately looked down to see that I was also wearing one of Edward's white tee shirts and pants that were obviously not mine. We were like a coupled pair of matching pajamas.

Ignoring his question, I grabbed the loose excess of the pant leg and looked up at Edward questionably.

With a squint in his eye and scrunched his nose, he looked adorable enough to make me not care about his answer. "That was the other thing, too. You wanted to wear something more comfortable. You know you're very zombie-like when you're sleepy." He gave me a more serious look. "You didn't need my help putting it on though."

"Oh, thanks." Then with his last statement, I wondered if I was too sleepy to forgo prudency and undress in front of Edward. Unable to recollect a memory of it, I felt my cheeks flush a bit. "Okay, we'll just leave that one alone."

Edward nodded in observance of me not reaching for further explanation.

Breakfast with Edward was a definite yes, but I wanted more out of Edward before being pampered again. "So did I behave badly last night?"" I eyed him with bashfulness behind my lashes. I was putting it out there that it was apparent I had blanked out from a few details of last night after we crashed from sleepiness, but I still had little knowledge of what else I did.

"Not bad, you didn't take advantage of me," Edward's joking implication probably meant to cover the later aspect of the night I might have been suspecting between the two of us. "You were exhausted and crashed asleep on the sofa, but I thought you would be more comfortable if you were tucked into bed."

He was still awake when I fell asleep. He waited for me to sleep first. And he did it to take care of me.

I was smitten.

I turned my body towards Edward with my knees bent sitting on my legs so that I was slightly above him, cupping his face with both of my hands. The smooth texture of his creamy skin and his hair at my fingertips was what I need to feel to know he was still really here in front of me. Our faces were so close but I kept my distance. I wondered if I was producing the same reaction for Edward as I had with him every time we touched. Shivers down my spine. My heart beating faster. But I also wonder how much of it was driven by the moment and how much of it could be real.

"So can I feed you?" Edward had quite a charming look on his face and it made me wish he could to ask me that every morning.

Edward waited patiently for my answer, but he was probably suspecting the obvious. And I had more questions in mind, but it could wait until later. I dropped my hands find his and smiled at Edward. He probably didn't need me to say my answer but I nodded anyway.

The morning moved quickly once we both got out of bed. Edward was able to find a new toothbrush for me, but there was little I could do about my untamed hair. Simple eggs and toast with a fresh cup of tea was the perfect breakfast to have, again. It was ironically the same thing I ate the last time we had spent the impromptu night together.

"I take it you won't be calling back any of those girls that you met at the bar?" I leaned back a little to see his full reaction.

But he kept his cool without pause to finish his last bite and then slowly allowed a small hint of a smile to creep in from the corner of his lips as he shook his head. "Who said I got any of their phone numbers?"

There was a tiny burst of relief from inside of me but I could not fight back my grin. "Oh, I see."

"So is it my turn again to drive you back home," Edward announced from behind his mug, changing the subject. "Since you managed to get yourself stranded here with me."

"Yeah, when are we going to stop this back and forth game of 'you take me home'?" I said sarcastically, inwardly not wanting to really stop at all. It was all the excitement I craved to keep this 'game' I had with Edward.

"Shall I quit while I'm ahead?" Edward tried to hide a smug on his face before taking a sip.

"If that's the case, then I should take the advantage of making you work harder for it," I was tippy toeing into deeper waters, wondering what the temperature was like, and if it was still warm…

Edward didn't appear to be surprised, but humored me with short laugh instead. "Alright."

I took a breath in with a smile on my face that showcased a brand new step with guts to drive it as my way to leap into this new found relationship with Edward. "Take me somewhere other than taking me back home." I watched Edward's expression turn from a soft humor to wide open intrigue. "Usually, people go on dates before doing the sleeping over thing." I was being very obvious now, slightly bit my lower lip, trying to suppress my girlishly giddiness about going on a secret date with Edward.

"I agree." Edward was nonchalant with his answer and his expression gave away no easy read.

"This is not a complaint though," I quickly added waving a hand between me and him, hoping to convey to him that our nights or breakfasts together not be omitted. "I just want to know if you want to go out with me. Like outside."

What sounded almost like a girlish request, I could have expected Edward to seem a little flattered or blushed by it, but instead he looked more concerned. "Will your friends be worried about you?"

I sighed, figuring it was the obstacle Edward would be worried about. "Alice?"

It was she who needed the most convincing. "If she's up by now, and hopefully she's not, she's going to have a cow wondering where I am again." I also had to admit that it was a tad irritating that Edward was concern about what my friends thought, since it was initially what kept him from me, but nonetheless still true. I had to let them know it was what I wanted. At the same time, I could be partially to blame, since I didn't have the courage to tell Alice from the beginning. I don't anticipate for her to understand right away. I knew she wasn't super supportive for him from our last conversation and at the same time she didn't know Edward at all.

"Don't worry about her." I assured him. "I'll talk to her."

"What will you tell her?" Edward asked cautiously. He let one corner eyebrow twitch upward. "That we're going steady?" There was a hidden skeptic tone in his voice that was curious to see how I could break it to Alice without any repercussions against him.

I looked down at my near empty mug and absentmindedly swirled the tea around. It did sound a little silly to say that we were two grown adults going out. We weren't in high school. It wasn't like we were going to see each other after class or stay up studying all night together. Although Jacob and I had those times long gone from us, it was where we had come from. A time and a place that once was and is now closed shut in the books. The thought of how close I came to marrying Jacob made me realize that I wanted to be choosey with the right man to be with the rest of my life. My decision to leave Jacob didn't disregard my principle on marriage. I just wanted it to be the right moment with the right person. And this had nothing to do with marriage. This was an adventure that I had never felt before and I could feel it growing inside of me every minute. I was enjoying it and I definitely didn't want it taken away for any reason.

"No, that we're just two civilized adults spending time together and just hanging out," I was giving a lame, down played response but I didn't want Edward to worry about it.

I looked up to see Edward's dropped faced and furrowed brows, staring down at his mug. And for that short moment, there was silence and I caught myself listening to what I had just said, wondering that maybe Edward had taken it serious and was now feeling a little shot down about our relationship status. We weren't official. Although there was no doubt I couldn't deny my strong feelings I had for Edward, but I never considered yet what Edward thought of us.

Suddenly I felt bad that maybe I might have undermined his feelings about me. Although I didn't know exactly how he felt, I should at least give him the chance to tell me before underestimating it. This has to be new for him as well. But I couldn't help it. Edward was the kind of guy I always admired, but never fathomed to date. And I knew how I felt, whether it was this very minute or yesterday. But I've yet to fully believe what Edward really thought of me. My face dropped at his solemn silence and I opened my mouth, forcing my brain to come up with something to say to remedy my stupid comment.

Stupidly shaking my head I tried to make like I was halfway kidding before. "Umm, that's not what I'm going to say, I was just kidding – "

And before I could finish my sentence. Edward swiftly got out of his chair over to me and kissed me gently with his firm lips. I gasped in his mouth, tilting my head up welcoming his sudden impact. I felt his warm hand placed gently on my cheek and his fingertips slid down caressing my jaw line. And my whole body succumbed once again to calmness, forgetting whatever I was thinking just seconds ago.

Our kiss deepened with my tongue meeting his at the same time, and I couldn't tame the corners of my mouth from wanting more of his mouth. Excited, I slid both of my hands up his broad shoulders inching him closer to me, which forced him to lean in with one hand on the table and the other on the back of my chair.

A deep ache in my chest started to form. A stir in my stomach. Butterflies. The warm spot was spreading out to my cheeks and hotness to my ears. I found myself aggressively kissing back, holding on to Edward's plump bottom lip momentarily between my lips and my hands migrating to the nape of his neck with my fingers intertwined into his hair. We kissed like it was the only thing we wanted to do and there was nothing wrong with it. Like no one was judging why we were alone here in a kitchen, why I was holding on to another man only weeks after my breakup, and why I wanted more than just a rebound. I wanted completion.

I felt Edward slow his kissing, parting his lips to retract his tongue. He leaned back slightly after a soft last supple peck. "Whatever you want to say or call us, I'm okay with it," he spoke huskily.

Taking a few seconds to catch my breath, I only nodded in response.

He tilted his head forward with a crooked smile. "Know that you are more than just a civilized adult to me, Bella," He said in a deep low voice. His words sounded congruous to my confession the night before.

I was locked place, staring into the sincerity behind his wide awakened eyes conveying to me that he was serious and letting me know that my statement earlier didn't faze him. He understood that we were beginning a delicate relationship where it didn't quite have a solid label. With this rationale quickly absorbed in my mind, I set it aside to think about it later. At the moment, I was still physically aroused with Edward's kisses. I nodded again and I licked my lips, biting my lower lip in an attempt to resume as we were as my eyes trailed back to his mouth. He chuckled lightly at my non-subtle reaction. Taking the hint that I was not yet fulfilled with our make-out session, Edward leaned in again to kiss me, but with less intensity. His lips grabbed mine, holding it there. And I was tamed.

The Sunday morning crisp of cold air hit me like a new memory. As we left the cottage, I looked to the mountains while we rode in Edward's truck. The sky was clear enough to see the full pristine range that stretched for what seemed like endless miles and it made me think how much I would miss them if I were to be anywhere else. I hadn't notice until now, that before me stood mountains and behind me stood mountains. Everywhere I looked there was a presence of grandeur and green that was familiar and comfortable. No skyscrapers, bellowing of congested traffic or sirens. A picture I had never painted before on canvas, because it always stood right here in front of me, changing predictably every season year after year.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine a vision away from here. Forging myself a picture in my head what it would be like to be away from all of this. And it was then I saw him.

A cityscape lined with buildings and bridges through a floor to ceiling window, standing in an empty room of a space that sat high above ground. A man dressed in a black suit with his hand casually in his pockets, looking out the same window, turns his head to me and smiles. Jacob.

With a disturbing short gasp, my eyes flew open.

Edward quickly turned to me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I kind of dozed off there for a second." I didn't look back afraid that Edward might see something wrong on my face.

"You didn't sleep well?"

"No – the opposite, I slept too well." I wasn't lying; I did sleep like a baby. "I'm not really used to having awesome sleep." I tried a smile, but it felt awkward. "Must be a residual effect."

We got to Alice's driveway once again.

Edward reached over to grab my hand, interjecting my thoughts. We intertwined our finger, thus again, taking me back to the place of strong stirred emotions, a reminiscence of my dreams long ago. A man whom I felt love and warmth and yet no face or identity. However, I was still strangely conceiving the notion that it could be Edward. But how? We had not even met.

"Call me later?" Edward spoke softly like a purr in the wind. "Let me know if I'm allowed to see you again."

I wanted to roll my eyes, but instead I affectionately squeezed his hand. "Okay."

Edward nodded his head with a sincere smile. Our hands slowly loosened and I turned about to open the door, when Edward reached out to touch my hand again. "Bella."

"Yes?" I faced him again, to see his sincere expression still there, but with something a little extra. _Was Edward nervous? _He recomposed his expression with a deep breath.

"I'll see you later?"

With more than a single 'yes' that thrilled me in the inside, it was still my short answer. "Yeah."


	19. Chapter 17 Double Date

**Forgive me, I've been without a beta reader for a long time. This has almost been long over due for update as well. Please enjoy anyhow**

**Disclaimer: As always, I do not own any characters as created by Stephanie Meyer.**

Chapter 17 Double Date

It didn't even feel like I was at work. Every morning didn't feel like a drag anymore. I felt more alive and awake, thinking about what I had with Edward, whatever it was up to this point. More important, my nights didn't feel like an obstacle to get to sleep. I never thought Alice's silly ruffled comforters and thick linen to be more inviting, but there was an association with the ease of getting into bed now, distressed and finally relaxed. With thoughts of Edward, often filled with replays of our confession night at the cottage, I welcomed sleep take over. At the end of the day, good sleep was almost something to look forward when I also had someone to look forward to. And hopefully to dream about.

But I had still no dreams that I could recall since my last entry in my journal. Mornings woke me up gradually and in my half conscious state, I was almost awake and still dreaming that I was already up. I thought whatever dreams that I must have had deeper in my sleep were no longer in my memory bank. It was strange, but that strong sensation I had once experienced in my fleeting dreams were no longer there. If I had any dreams lately, I figure they must have been normal mundane ones, nothing compelling to remember of.

Edward and I hadn't seen each other all week, so every now and then I would also let myself daydream about him like it was my little guilty pleasure. Time was passing and something was evolving inside of me. Like a seed that was first sowed into the dirt, eventually breaking sand and rock to form a flower bud peaking at its first sight of sunlight. Growing into its inevitable being, a single item of color added to balance out the dullness of the earth's grays. My grayness was slowly dissipating. I could feel color in my face. Sparkle on my skin. And warmth in my heart.

Everything seemed to have settled since I had my talk with Alice again. I knew there was still concerned about my new found relationship with Edward, but as she had insightfully put it, 'I guess I can't tell you how to learn from a mistake if you haven't had one' we agreed it wasn't hurting me to move on. And along with a shrug and a hug, she expressed one firm request. I chuckled that her attempt to accept Edward and I was being based on a condition.

"We go on a double date." She smiled slyly at my widen eyes. "That's right." She's even smug now getting a second wind to test me.

I opened my mouth to press a different scenario, but was halted by Alice's add-on reasoning.

"You want me to get to know him, right?" Alice's voice softened a tinge for sincerity.

"Yeah, I do," I nodded in blank agreement. "Umm…"

She had a very valid point. But feeling a little reluctant because of the fact that I had just confessed my feelings for Edward, I didn't want to be taken off the slow ride. I liked our subtle and private moments with just me and him. And there was also the other thing I had vehemently pushed out from my mind. The other fact being that Jacob and I still have lingering people here who know us mutually from when we were together. Our old classmates from school. His colleagues from work. And worse, if I ever ran into his sister and mother, I would automatically be at the dirty stick end of their talks. They were the kind of ladies that weren't welcoming of me to begin with because I wasn't as successful as I should be in their eyes. Leah, was always overzealous about how she had groomed and cared for Jacob's academic success throughout grade school to college when their mother worked long hours as chief of staff at the downtown hospital. Although they lived two cities over, I dread the chance of proximity and any given reason where we would cross paths. It was only five months ago that I had seen them and it had been for our engagement dinner. I know if they saw me now, especially with someone else, a phone call to Jacob would only be two second away. But why would they even care? After all, Jacob did ask for the ring back and I respectfully complied. And maybe they had no business in my affairs anyhow anymore.

I didn't want to tell Alice about my thoughts on this. It would just curtail her deviating skepticism.

"Okay, let's go out tomorrow night," Alice suggested with smile.

* * *

There's has to be a definition for this new found feeling of seeing the person your heart palpates for and in between time until you meet again. That excited jump from the middle of my chest to the easily lightened eyes. And to complete it all, there was no way I was going to even attempt to compress my ridiculously beaming smile.

Edward walked with Jasper grinning and laughing at whatever they were joking about, stealing a glance over to me with the same twinkle in his eyes.

"Just give the word, Bells," Alice reminded me again under her breath. "You've _got_ to be thinking straight. Because if you really are, then I wouldn't have to worry about you."

"I'm good," I seethed between my teeth, vehemently reminding her. Without unlocking my gaze of Edward, I could see out of the corner of my eye Alice shrugging nonchalantly, and with that, released all her inquiry by running into Jasper with a hard kiss.

Their sudden lip lock of PDA, left Edward and me standing and staring at each other with an odd air of awkwardness, until Edward broke out with a shy grin across his face. And then it was like the world only contained me and Edward in it.

"Hi." He stood casually with his hands in the pockets of his pea coat. His hair was dishelved and tinted with a bronze shimmer against the street lights. He was also wearing that stark white collared shirt again. A little pitter patter in my heart ran as I reminisced on the day he was dressed exactly as he was when I first met him at the art studio. Except this time, we were different.

"Hi," I answered back, thinking to myself how innocent we must appear, standing face to face, only few feet away from each other.

Alice's giggle broke our trance. She quickly eyed me shrewdly as if she wasn't entirely convinced of me and Edward. I watched them giggle some more as Jasper scooped Alice off her feet and carried her away into the bar first.

Edward looked at me with a squint in his eyes and half joked, "I don't see that being the last time we witness their obvious display of affection."

"Good thing that's not something I care about," I rolled my eyes. Whatever Alice and Jasper are, friends turned flings or more, that's just them and I had no involvement. What I wished Alice would do the same for me.

Edward slowly stepped over to me and leaned in close until our faces were just inches apart. "Hmm, so what's something you do care about?" He took out his hands swiftly and let his arms relax at his sides, and cocked his head slightly to one side with his crooked smile as he watched my face fill up with the immediate tell.

I waited a short moment just so I could enjoy gazing at Edward looking back at me waiting for my answer. I carefully did a quick peripheral sweep with my eyes behind Edward to make sure no one was in ear's length to hear us. "You," I whispered, with my eyes returning to his gaze and I believed it without a flicker of doubt.

"So you care about me, Ms. Swan?" Edward asked softly with a playful hint of astonishment.

I nodded. "Yes." There was no need to be hesitant anymore. I felt like I could Edward tell anything now.

I could have taken his arm by arm but I thought about seizing the front of his coat to pull him closer to me until we were almost chest to chest, being more playful now that we were alone. I was about to make my stealthy move when Edward pulled me away from the front and brought me around the corner of the building into the dark alleyway, out of sight from any one walking into or out of the bar. My surprised reaction was reciprocated with a satisfied curling smile on Edward's lips. And then I felt the soft touch of his hand placed gently on my back. As I leaned into him with his back against the brick wall, I felt the hold of his arms tighten, wrapping around me.

"Hmm." Edward looked off as if to see if we were still in the clear from our little pocket corner away from the world. He returned his gaze to me. "That's quite nice to hear. I appreciate that. Thank you."

I pulled back, a little abash of his shortness. Was that it? One confesses their affection and the other s returns with a considerate appreciation? "That's it?" I eyed him a little suspiciously.

Edward chuckled lightly with a grin on his face, pulling me back into his chest. "No. There's more."

And like he knew my own heartbeat just spiked a mile a minute, he granted me with a kiss, sweeping in soft and tender at first. As our kiss deepened, I found my arms wrapped around him inside his coat, feeling warm and protected even as we stood in the chill of the early winter night.

"More?" I managed to ask in between our supple kisses. It came out more like a request of what we were doing than trying to question his earlier statement.

"I wish, but we should go inside now." Edward gently pulled his head back.

It wasn't a great stopping point, and I was still lost in thought, but Edward was right. If I had my way, we'd be back in front of the fireplace on the sofa, snuggled up together under a blanket with our cup of tea, discussing about what he meant by 'more'.

"Come on," Edward gently releasing his arms around me to lead us into the bar. "I've got to make good with your friends so they don't think I'm the unjustly rebound guy who's only taking advantage of you."

"It could be the other way around," I playfully retorted back. "I am the one with home court advantage."

"Okay, we'll see." Edward smiled purposefully as he dropped his hands from mine. He grabbed the entrance door but held it without opening it, letting out huff of air from his chest. "So, are you sure you want to do it this way?"

Reverting back to our conversation before we arrived, I nodded with a firm stiff smile.

When I told Edward that we would be going a double date with Alice and Jasper, he was at first delighted that maybe it was the result of Alice forgiving and forgetting. But I had shimmered down that thought and told him the other factoid of my reasoning, which was to avoid being too open about us. It was just too early for everyone to see that.

"So you want to keep it light and friendly?" He said understandably.

"Yes. There might be other people around that won't … see it like … I mean, they might get the wrong impression." I shook that off like a sad, sorry excuse that shouldn't have been said to justify anything. I mean, Edward didn't have to comply with my request for quiet, non-obvious behavior. And any girl, seeing how we were on unannounced terms, could imagine him a free and clear bachelor. And to my unannounced fear, he could still have any girl that suited him magnetically attractive. But I still wanted to take it slow, hopefully, it being the right thing to do.

"Okay."

His simple response was a relief to accept it the way I needed it to be on our first public outing and also seeing my need for him to corroborate with me on this without my straining to explain further.

As we walked inside, Edward and I kept a good buddy-buddy three foot distance from each other. And as we took our usual booth against the back wall, Edward sat across from me next to Jasper while I slid in across from him next to Alice in our horseshoe shaped booth. The strange stare that we got from Alice and Jasper when we both sat apart was not questioned and was immediately washed over with Jasper grabbing the beer pitcher to pour our mugs.

"You guys are already beeee-hind," Jasper chimed as he slid over our mugs in front of us.

I had not noticed the pitcher of beer already placed on the table, and it was already too late for me to refuse the well topped mug of beer. Edward caught me eying my beer like it was humiliation waiting to gobble me up. I felt a tiny kick at my feet from under the table, followed by the feel of a slight trace against the side of my rain boots. Edward was footsying me. I looked up to see Edward subtly mouthed something of 'you don't have to.'

I nudged back, showing my gratitude. I didn't have to finish the darn beer. I know I'm a light weight. I also didn't want risking acting like a fool in front of Edward or anyone else for that matter.

The night went by quicker and smoother than I thought without any hiccups so far. Alice was warming up to Edward, especially telling her stories about how Jasper was before they got together. Edward was using the right buttons to push for approval and the pints of beer Alice was putting down, courtesy of Jasper, it definitely didn't hurt. She was in that relaxed mode, laughing at every joke and responding likeably to every charming thing Edward was feeding her. And even better, no one interrupted our table. Mission accomplished.

As the hours drew dark and last call was called, I was ready to end the night. I looked at my mug not quite empty, feeling a little proud of myself for keeping the refills at bay.

"So, we call it a good night then?" Jasper poured that last drop from the pitcher into his own mug this time. "Cheers!" He raised his own glass to clink the mid air and took the last sip.

"Jazz, you mind if I take you home?" Edward nudged his elbow at Jasper before getting up ready to carry Jasper over his shoulder if needed.

"I'm… good, dude." Jasper's yawn in the middle of his answer said otherwise.

Alice slid against Jasper forcing him out of the booth and into the arms of my Edward, looking ready to pass out asleep. "I've got it from here." She turned to Edward with a more sincere tone. "But thanks."

Turning to Jasper's backside, Alice grab his keys from the pocket of his pants and then quickly fished her purse for another set of keys. When she found her set, she stuck it in my hands. I could tell she was alright and I had no worries about them. "Don't wait up for me." She winked with a smile.

"Are you sure?" Edward still asked as he gave up his custody of Jasper to Alice.

Alice nodded, then turned to face nose-to-nose at Jasper and whispered tauntingly but affectionately. "Babe, you want me to piggy back you out of here?"

Not to be had by his girlfriend, he perked up in a jiffy. "Nope. Good night, friends. See you when I see you." He waved us good-bye and took Alice's arm like a security blanket close to him.

They walked arm in arm towards the door but not without Alice turning her head back to me, repeating her earlier statement. "Don't wait up."

Edward stood motionless, looking like he wasn't quite sure what to make of what just happened.

The night wasn't exactly how I would have planned it, but it eventually dwindled down without any blow ups, which was all I could really ask for. I stared at Alice's keys to her convertible in my hands and smiled at her hidden message of approval.

"So, they're okay?" Edward asked, looking at me with serious concern.

"Yeah. Jasper was always looking out for Alice whenever we all went out. I think she likes the idea that she could do the same for him now." It was a kind of an abstract double meaning there that Edward didn't have know about.

We got into Alice's car and buckled down. Edward had offered to drive, probably to be gentlemanly, but I waved it aside thinking of a few of Alice's inebriated times or other that had put me in the driver seat without questions asked or keys fought for. "Definitely not my first time."

As I turned the car into the main road, I knew I only had a few seconds to ask Edward over if I wasn't to take him straight back to the cottage. It wasn't like before when there was a reason. Bad weather. Too much beer. Borrowed scarf. This would be like blatantly asking him to another sleepover.

"So, do you have anything to do tomorrow?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Sunday? Nothing."

The shortness in his answer caught me off guard. "Oh."

"Just planning to be with you," Edward answered casually. "Maybe."

A small smile formed at the corners of my lips as I kept my eyes on the road and both hands on the steering wheel. "And the rest of tonight?" I took in an inaudible breath of air.

How the timing for this question could not have been more on the dot I grant it must have been the stars at work. I had reached the cross roads where I would turn to determine whether we would go back to Alice's or the cottage and casually looked over, pretending to check cross traffic, to see Edward sitting still with his hands inside his coat again, staring outside the window at the stars in question.

Edward looked over at me with nothing I could read on his face at first. And then a huge grin appeared in an almost goofy expression. "If you want me to come over, you can ask," he said softy.

Hmm, I guess that was pretty blatant. "Yes." I answered quickly to avoid seeming any hesitation.

"Then I'll be with you tonight," Edward coaxed his words into air like a warm cozy blanket.

"Good." Satisfied with another kidnapping, I made the left turn. There was also an underlying agenda, but I'll wait until later. "I want to know _more."_


	20. Chapter 18 Show and Tell

**This is a split POV chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own any characters as created by Stephanie Meyer. **

Chapter 18 Show and Tell

_Edward_

She looked at me like I had a secret she wanted uncovered and I was guessing it had something to do with our hidden moment earlier tonight in the alleyway. This whole week, all that I had on my mind had been how much Bella was enough that I needed and nothing else really mattered. Everything that had been rained on, drenched in cold and wetness for the last year, was coming out of the dark. She felt my warmth and I didn't really understand it until then. Drying out my clothes, telling her my sadness. It was like coming out clean, and I was starting to feel a fresh start, or a new beginning. I would look at Bella's painting every morning and see my daughter's face. Only bits and pieces were remaining from trying to recall my dream I had of the first night with Bella. The night starry sky turning into day, transforming into Bella's painting of the beach, integrated with the image of Nessa, happily skipping at the water's edge as I looked on. But it was my Nessa's happy cherubic face from the dream I had weeks ago that seemed too real. Something else was reminding me not to forget. Something at the small pit of my stomach was telling me I had to change. That's when I decided I wanted to more for Bella. See where her visions of this place away from home and my past would show me something new, in a painting if that. Because it all began with that painting. I needed her to be a change for me. And maybe it would be the key to healing and moving forward.

Bella was able to find a new toothbrush for me and as we stood next to each other, with toothpaste foam at the corners of our mouths, I was beginning to feel more at ease with her. I watched as she brushed her hair to the side to wipe her face. She then reached inside a small linen basket to grab another clean towel for me to use and waited patiently for me to finish washing up. There was a strange welcoming sense of belonging, standing next to her like we had known each other for years and like we could have had this routine every night.

She took my hand and led me to her bedroom. She opened a drawer from her dresser and grabbed what seemed to be her set of sleepwear. "I'll be right back."

There was no chair or stool to sit in, but a small half dresser that I used to lean on to wait for Bella. It was the first time I had ever stepped inside where she slept. Her bed was clearly not a reflection of Bella's simple ways with over-the-top matching colors schemes, ruffled corners and excessive useless decorative pillows that were piled into the corner of the floor. No, she was simpler than that. If I could guess, she'd have nothing more but a plain heavy quilt and non-matching pillows that tested for comfort over pretty. Yes. Bella was purely a comfort girl.

Bella didn't take long and she walked in with the same kind of sleepwear that I saw her in the last time I was here. A worn out t-shirt and flannel drawstring pants. It wasn't much different than what I would normally wear to bed.

She smiled and stared at me strangely as she swiftly glided over to her bed and slid underneath the covers. "What are you doing over there?" She asked me humorously to mask the tinge of nervousness in her voice.

I really didn't have any other answer beside what would probably sound stupid said out loud.

_Umm, I didn't want to intrude on your bed without you getting situated first?_

That could totally sound stupid.

I shrugged it off and slowly walked over to sit at the edge of the bed, taking off my boots and coat, leaving them on the floor next to the unwanted pillows. I kept my shirt and jeans on. It wasn't like there was a set of her pajamas she could lend me. I turned to her and leaned in, watching her widened careful eyes as I tucked the covers around her, keeping the top layer underneath me as I laid myself down right beside her. Turning to face her, I took my opportunity to carefully brush away a few strains of her hair away. I decided it was my favorite excuse to caress her supple cheeks and invoking the magic of calming the multiple levels of her stricken face down a few notches. I was pleased to see my magical touch work and she easily leaned in towards me into the nook of my chest. I turned off the lamp from the nightstand and waited for the moonlight to glaze the room from the bedroom windows.

"Edward." Bella's small whisper was barely audible with her lips slightly against my shirt.

"Yes." I responded after breathing in deep the scent of her sweet hair.

"Earlier, you said there was more."

"Hmm, more...did I say that?" I said it lingeringly, laughing in my head, reverting back to our secret kisses in the alleyway. I knew what she was referring to. Bella didn't seem to get frustrated easily, but I didn't want to find out. I was purposely pausing hoping to subdue any tensions by being a little light heartedly reserved.

She wined a little under her soft breaths, which made me smile. "You said there's more than just a thank you."

"Can I really tell you?" I playfully whispered back.

She nodded and quietly pleaded. "Please?"

We both took the moment to snuggle against each other more comfortably and I wrapped my arms around her body holding her close to me, feeling a long drawn out exhale coming from her, patiently waiting for my answer.

"So, I confessed that I care about you and you care about me …and you feel safe with me." I said it less like a statement, emphasizing the last part wanting to hear a confirmation from her that she didn't feel hesitant or unsafe with me.

"Yes." She answered with a tiny yawn and sighed. "And warm."

A sigh of relief and I wanted to tell her more. "Do you want to know more?"

Bella yawned again signaling her sleepiness taking over. "Tell me…"

"I don't feel so alone anymore. I can actually breathe again. And I think it has a lot to do with being with you."

Her breathing slowed and she nuzzled her head against my chest again, her whispers now tapered by the sleep washing in. Her hand on my chest suddenly clenched, grabbing a small portion of my shirt in her grip. "Edward…don't leave me. Stay here."

I leaned my head in to meet my lips on her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

"So, you want me to stay in the car?" Her face dropped to a state of confusion and she looked a little lost like she had taken a wrong turn.

My request for her to stay put until I had what was inside situated was indeed a bit strange. "I just need a few minutes, please," I tried to give her my most charming smile I could muster and felt automatically silly thinking I could sway in such charisma like Emmett could. But it was worked any way.

"Do you have something to hide?" Her nose and forehead wrinkled a bit as she leaned in across the passenger seat looking ready to jump out. She seemed to suspicious now, but it didn't matter. She would soon see.

I backed away slowly, shaking my head, a mischievous smile growing on my face. Without answering her, I sprinted to the front door and quickly grabbed all the materials that I had been collecting for the last few weeks. I hurriedly placed them in neat order on the table I had decided to buy instead of building just to save time. Running back and forth from the storage, I carefully placed the last item, a blank canvas, onto the stand I had specially ordered with Jessica to expedite. There wasn't really anything I could do with the sawdust on the floor. I had planned on doing a little better cleaning up when I got home last night. Maybe even squeeze in a fresh coat of paint. But our impromptu sleepover last night had cut my plans short to this mad dash.

When everything was where I wanted, I headed back out to the front yard, a little sweatier than I wanted to be, hopefully not smellier since I had not yet showered. With that in mind, I kept a little distance from Bella's car. I waved her to come out as she kindly gave me the stink eye.

"That was five minutes too long." She got out and walked towards me as I carefully kept distance.

"Sorry, I had to do a little cleaning up," I flashed a smile at her again, as I tried to catch my breath.

"Edward, you don't have to –"She picked up her pace to get closer to me as I got to the front door in time to open it for her to come through, keeping the door in between us. "...do that."

She stared blankly at me as I nearly hopped over in front of her. I was a hot, sweaty mess and this wasn't exactly how I wanted to present this to her, but as soon I could get her pass the kitchen I could slip away and hop into the shower. "Come. I want to show you something." I motioned her to follow me across the living room and dining room and into the kitchen.

As soon as we got inside the kitchen, I held the back door open to where it would have lead us back outside into the backyard. But she was stricken with surprise to see that the door did not lead us there. Instead it had opened into another small room.

With slower steps, Bella walked closer to me and I was hoping she wasn't noticing any physical unpleasantness with me as she peeped her way passed the door.

"This is a sun room," She turned around to face me, stunned to see where we had stood last week in the untamed yard was now a covered patio. "Did you do this?" She waved her hands from one corner of the room to the other. I watched her moved toward the end of the room, tracing her hand up and down the unfinished wood beams framing the panels of the floor to ceiling windows.

It was not nearly as polished as I wanted to be, but it was a substantial structure, one that I don't plan on building any time again. It was sheer drive to do this for Bella that really made it happen. This was a spontaneous project I had brewing in thought weeks ago when I first bought the tarp, hoping the weather would permit some way for Bella to paint again. Given the weather's unpredictable behaviors, I opted to propose building a small sunroom instead. Mrs. Masen was more than happy to allow this yet another home renovation, after citing to her how much she would enjoy a back porch as well. She of course paid for the materials, but I offered the free labor.

"Did you – build this?" She didn't look to me for an answer and as she walked down further to the other corner of the room, she rested her gaze at the readily set canvas, waiting for the painter, the set up I had masterfully put together five minutes earlier. She took closer steps to recognize the few pieces of tools that were more than familiar to her and eyed me astonishingly. "Is this for…me?"

I instinctively leaned back, but still responded with a firm nod. It all took but day and night for the last week for me to finish and the most logical excuses from bad plumbing to more yard work in order to keep her from coming here. But it was all worth it, because I now had the one thing I had really wanted to give Bella. "I want you to have a space to paint again. You can do that here."

Her eyes were changed from confusion to now sheer shock. "Really?" She grinned.

I was glad to see her so pleased. "Yes. Mrs. Masen was more than delighted for the extension, so she doesn't mind it at all. Temporarily of course. She's bound to return home." Before she could get any closer to possibly thank me more with contact, I took a step back and motioned for her get at it with painting. "Go ahead. I hope I got the right materials for you to start. I'm just going take a quick moment to wash up, I'll be right back." I quickly swiveled to get away.

"Edward."

I had almost gotten past the kitchen, but when I turned around to see Bella with a stunned face, I couldn't help but step back toward. But it was what she did next that nearly jumped me out of my clothes.

As I let her get closer, I remained standing where I was, unmoved, hoping for her to say something, anything that would make me feel validated and accomplished with putting effort into something because I was driven to. Because I felt moved and determined, not just for myself and the change I was waiting for. But the wanting it as a result of accepting it. Accepting change as it sought after me. As I sought after it.

She stopped right in front of me, tippy toed up a little to softly kiss my lips. "Thank you," She whispered. "You brought back a little happiness for me."

* * *

_Bella_

"Bella." A voice so thick in sound to utter my name made me stand frozen in place.

This voice I knew had this kind of effect on me. It was Leah's.

She was standing in front of the storage unit right next to mine. With her hair up tight in a bun and her wool coat buttoned all the way up, she looked stiff and uninviting. "What a surprise." She had no emotion to the tone of her voice, yet it was cold and contrite.

"Yeah. It's certainly a surprise to see you here." That came out expectedly timid.

"Hmm. Yes, well my brother –" She took the lock and with extra force shoved it back against the garage door handle. "Asked me to get a few files for him."

That stopped my next breath. Was Jacob here? Was she going to tell me? She knew very well she didn't have to refer Jacob as her brother. If calling him by name would have her thinking to upset me, then she was wrong. I had no reason to hide from the fact that we were no longer together. I inwardly regrouped and attempted again with a firmer tone. "Jacob has this storage space? Is he…?" Looking over her shoulder to the unit she just locked.

She smiled wistfully as she took her time to contemplate her response. "He's not here. And where else could he have all his stuff while working in New York?" She said condescendingly. She faced me with a piercing look that would have a child frightened. She tapped on the folders she was holding. "I'm mailing these to him."

Without our apartment, Jacob was technically living out of a suitcase. Leah didn't know that the original lease was under my name and when we broke up Jacob decided not to get another place until he was finished with New York. But of all the places and people, it appears he had asked Leah to be care taker of his things and in the storage right next to mine. Was she blaming me for her having to do this or what? I was no child, and she was edging a taunting line that I didn't want crossed. Especially not in front of Edward. But there was no way out of her presence and I still wanted my painting supplies.

"Leah…"I began cautiously. "I don't mean to cut this short, but I'm only here to get few of my own things, so it's was nice to see you – "

"You know, I don't think you've introduced me to your friend," She interrupted broodingly, ignoring my attempt to close our meeting. "It's been a while, and I haven't caught up with what you've been up to." She stuck her hand out implying for Edward's hand in return. "I'm Leah. Bella's former fiancé's sister."

I was flabbergasted, both at how she was making this awkward for me and at the same time wondering how to introduce Edward. We never really declared ourselves what we were. A couple? The person I'm seeing? And to no heck-in-way was I going to even be _that_ revealing to Leah.

Seeing me with obvious pause for words, Edward smiled back at Leah as gentlemanly as he appeared and shook her hand firmly. "Edward."

Leah, her face not hiding enough of her dissatisfaction of Edward's position in his short disclosure, took back her hand and slowly placed it deep in her coat pockets. "Edward." She pushed out her bottom lip as she repeated his name as if for some mechanical reason she was filing his name away for future reference, not necessarily for my behalf. "Okay, well. You take care now." She looked my way with a smile as hard as stone. "I'll let Jacob know I ran into you, Bella."

I nearly shuddered, but held it back and forced a smile. "I hope he's doing well."

"It was nice meeting you," Edward courteously responded.

And with that, Leah turned to walk away without any more to say.

I waited until she was no longer in eye sight. Actually, I was waiting until she got around the corner and I didn't want to move until I saw her car drive away. As I stood motionless for this, Edward gently grabbed the keys from my hands and proceeded to unlock the storage door.

"You don't have to feel intimidated by her." Edward's angelic voice brought me from the black cloud I was just in back to reality. He pulled the first box out and began to search for my box of painting supplies.

"I don't feel intimidated," I quietly snapped back, wanting to believe more that I wasn't.

Edward looked at me empathetically and sighed, not deceived by my forged response.

"I don't like how she still thinks it's my fault," I sighed back.

"Does she really think that?" Edward asked skeptically underestimating the ill assumptions that Leah often had.

"She knows it wasn't mutual and she's only on one side." I plopped down on bin nearby.

"So you're assuming that she's assumingly blaming you," Edward pointed out the one thing that was more factual than just mere guessing. I didn't really want to admit it, but there was some underlying resentment. It wasn't like Leah made it easy when Jacob and I were together.

"I know she does." I wiped both sides of my taut face with my hands, hoping to remove the construed expression after seeing the former would-be sister-in-law. How awkward was that.

"Forget about it," Edward said gingerly, walking over to me, bending down to see me eye to eye. "She seems to be too involved than she really should be."

"It's just…their family is like that. A tight pack." I looked up to see Edward's caring eyes.

"Are you afraid of what she'll say of me?" Edward smiled with a little of his gleaming teeth showing, almost comically pointing out that it was ridiculous to care what Leah though anyway.

The more I thought of it, the more I didn't want to care what Leah thought anyway, or even if she wanted to assume however much and tell Jacob anything. I shouldn't care anymore. I broke the engagement off. I had my decision made and Edward was right about her involvement. She had none.

"Does it matter to you?" Edward asked me more seriously in a low voice, interjecting my thoughts.

"No. It doesn't matter." I shook my head to confirm it.

I grabbed Edward's hand and brought ourselves back up on our feet. I interlaced my fingers around his and felt his heat permeate through and then instinctively moved my body closer to his to feel more warmth. Edward responded by leaning in with a light nuzzle of his lips in my hair and against my neck. And there it is. As unexpected to receive as it was predictable to relish. Edward's aura of comfort.

"Let find your magic sticks," he whispered softly in my ear.

* * *

Edward had brought his rocking chair from the front porch to the sun room, where he casually rocked back and forth, sipping on his tea. We had laid out the tarp all the way out and I reorganized the position of my paints and brushes to my liking. We were able to find the container of my art materials and my barstool and I only grabbed the essentials, not wanting to over crowd the deck. It was still just borrowed space.

We were, few minutes earlier, contemplating my next project, when the air of silence blocked my thoughts and my creative mood was obviously hindered by the unexpected run in with Jacob's sister earlier. I had tried to keep it at bay, but it wasn't out of my mind. Leah being there in front of Jacob's storage reminded me that it could have been me. Taking care of his things. Waiting for him to come home from a business trip. How far could we have gone if we hadn't broken up?

"Was seeing her awkward for you?" Edward's voice was all the more discerning and it made me guilty even thinking about something else when I was here with Edward.

I looked over my shoulder from my stool, unknowing what kind of expression I was revealing, but knowing it was probably enough answer his question. I pulled back from grimacing, thinking how selfish I was being right now. Edward had spent all this time and effort in building this with me in mind and I had no reward for him.

"A little," I confessed. "I'm sorry. I don't exactly feel inspired right now. It has nothing to do with you…I'm just blank…" I felt my cheek warming, ashamed that I was ruining the moment.

Edward got up from his rocking chair, put down his mug on the floor and made his way to me, stopping right in front of me so I could slip my arms around his waist as he wrapped his around my shoulders.

I could feel his soft breath on top of my head before his gently kissed it. "Do you want to go home?"

There was no trace of disappointment in his voice, but hearing him say it made me feel more selfish that I really did want to go home, just lie in bed and hope for a dream to come and wash away my awkward thoughts of what-would-have-beens with Jacob. Unless I should dream about Jacob, that would be even more awkward. Either way, I didn't want to struggle with sleep tonight, not when I could have my comfort of Edward's arms holding me fast asleep. And I definitely didn't want to be alone tonight after today.

"Can you take me back?" I sheepishly kept my eyes from his and stared at the wooden floors.

"Of course." Edward's voice was low but uncomplaining. "But…you drove here."

Hopefully he would get the hint here. "I know."

After a few seconds of silence, I felt a spike in my chest that almost made me withdraw my request, but then Edward's hand found mine and he carefully traced around my wrapped fingers removing the brush I was holding and placed it back with the others I had in a can. I looked up to see the understanding in his face with the small noted smile, showing me he wasn't all about reaping rewards. He was simply just being there for me when I need him. With his out reached hands, I got up and quickly curled myself underneath his arm and walked with him into the living room, where he escorted me the sofa. I sat down and watched him walk back to the hallway toward his bedroom and waited patiently for his return, wondering if got my hint or not. After a few minutes, he came back with a backpack.

I looked at him questionably at first, but then realized maybe he was complying with my non-obvious request. "What is in there?"

He lifted up his backpack while grabbing his coat. "My sleep wear and extra clothes." He answered, validating my request. He playfully cracked a crooked grin and joked. "Unless you have a night gown I could borrow?"


End file.
